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Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2017-05-15 07:32 pm

[ SECRET POST #3785 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3785 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.



02. [repeat]


[Grey's Anatomy]




[Matthew Daddario]


[Sleepy Hollow]


[Doctor Who]


Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 32 secrets from Secret Submission Post #542.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-15 11:44 pm (UTC)(link)
It is a, pardon the pun, grey area. There are levels of intoxication, and not all levels of intoxication meet the threshold of severe enough impairment as to invalidate consent. Also there is a difference between a flirtatious no and a hard no. These are not cut and dried issues.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 12:02 am (UTC)(link)
Well, who gets to decide that?

(That's the whole confirmed consent thing, you know. If your judgement is impaired, then the "No means no" rule is still a better guideline.)

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 12:10 am (UTC)(link)

Plus, IIRC he doesn't even try to convince her/seduce her/whatever in that scene; it's entirely her choice. Doesn't he just show up at the party and see her out front of the house, and then she's the one who walks up to him and kisses him and says "Take me for a ride, Derek"?

I would call it the very mildest of ducbon at most.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 12:33 am (UTC)(link)
This. I've had tipsy sex before and it was 100% consensual. Would I have done it if I hadn't been drinking? Probably not, but I don't regret it. It was fun in the moment and that was all that really mattered.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 12:44 am (UTC)(link)
Fully agree with this, as someone who's both had "tipsy" consensual sex, and someone whose ex deliberately got me blackout drunk so he could fuck me while I was unconscious. It's a grey area, but one I wish more men had a better understanding of.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 12:45 am (UTC)(link)
In real life, yeah, but in fiction it's a fairly gross trope that women start out saying no and need to be 'helped' into a yes by plot devices.

Why is wearing a woman's resolve down considered romantic?

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 12:50 am (UTC)(link)
Because sometimes it is nice to be chased instead of chaste. It makes me feel pretty and desirable.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 12:54 am (UTC)(link)
I am sure there are prisons just full of men who are exactly the right type to make you feel as pretty as you want.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 01:01 am (UTC)(link)
You do know there is a gap between being flirtatious and wanting to be wanted, and actual rape.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 09:47 am (UTC)(link)
And it's pretty sick to actually indrectly tell someone "Well hope you get raped then" because of their pretty standard preferences.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 04:33 am (UTC)(link)
DA--if you want to keep "no" for flirting with, can there be some kind of universally understood symbol that means "I'm not interested right now, please leave me alone?" that's less extreme than a suit of armor with spikes that spray mace when someone says "hey baby!"? Because someone telling me I'm pretty or that they find me desirable can be nice sometimes, but someone ignoring a "no" or a "no thanks" just makes me feel like they don't give a shit what I want or for my consent or safety.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 12:17 pm (UTC)(link)
This may come as a surprise to you, but in the real world people use different tones of voice. I realize that you can't understand that, since tones of voice do not exist in text messages on reddit threads as is your only means of communication, but we who interact and date in fleshspace already do have a fairly reliable way of using "no" in ways that mean no and ways that mean not yet. Tone of voice and body language.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 03:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Ah, yes. When, in the days before cell phones in every pocket, I was followed home by a guy who would not stop putting his arm around my shoulders, insisting that I "didn't mean it (no) like that," that I would like him if I got to know him, asked "is this your house? We'll just cuddle for awhile first, it's okay," and, my absolute favorite, "oh, playing hard to get?" when the only things out of my mouth were variations on "no," "I don't know you, please leave me alone," and "stop touching me," and I'd literally gone past my house and doubled back around the block to avoid him, the problem was my tone of voice! With bonus "you only communicate via text and on reddit," which, no (oh wait to you that means yes, sorry, I mean the opposite of yes) but even agoraphobes whose only light sources are computer screens deserve to have "I'm not flirting I really mean fuck off" respected. Thank you for enlightening me, you disgusting shitsack.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 10:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Cool story bro. Nicely tailored to the exact talking point you wanted to promote. Nice one.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 11:36 pm (UTC)(link)
I feel you on this. Also, who let the trolls in? Jesus.

(Anonymous) 2017-05-16 02:41 pm (UTC)(link)