22 February 2017 @ 05:55 am
I feel like I have only one shoe  
I wake up too early, headache, heart racing, climbing the walls of anxiety. I took my Xanax and while I'm waiting for it to kick in, I'm going to do what I've always done. I'm going to write. I hope it helps.

It was a strange day yesterday. Jesse and I had a marvelous time together, shopping and then going to a museum of art. We rarely take trips like that and it was immensely enjoyable and connecting. I came home exhausted, of course, but feeling for the first time in foreeever, that the exhaustion was worth it.

We came home and cuddled on the bed for hours, watching Babylon 5. As the hours rolled by, though, both of us were fell with anxiety. The kind that grips your ribcage and doesn't let you breathe, doesn't let you close your eyes, the kind that makes you feel like whipping about the room to try and keep pace with your sprinting heart beat.

Jesse says his was caused by pain. Mine was caused by something ridiculously over-dramatic and pointless.

I was afraid of sleeping.

The last time I felt so exhausted, I fell asleep and almost died. Most nights this is not a problem, so I'm not sure why it came on then. I took my blood pressure hourly, trying to let the numbers - in full health, if not even a few points higher than normal - reassure me. We had been in the sun for hours, which is proven to lead to exhaustion and flares for lupus folks. We had done far more walking than we normally do, which is also proven to lead to utter exhaustion.

It was all explainable and yet, I kept insisting on just one more episode. I love B5. But last night, I used it a reason to not fall asleep.

I fought the exhaustion until 11:30 PM, a time so foreign to me to be awake at. I staggered my meds as to keep an eye out on what each one did to me. Jesse and I talked our way through it alongside the medication. This was extremely helpful.

My meds did relax me and I was able to sleep, but here I am, up far too early for having gone to bed so late, feeling the same fear percolating.

REALITY CHECK: I woke up. I did not die. Fear against facts, my anxiety is unfounded. It is speaking in the tongue of lies. I know what's real - and what's real is that I'm awake and writing. This solidly disproves the theory that I have expired sometime in the night. (Or if I have, the afterlife is bizarrely mundane and still requires scooping out the litterboxes.)

And yet, the fear remains. I think I know why.

I'm day 29 out of the hospital. This should be uplifting. It is instead TERRIFYING, because I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

For every day I remain away from the life-saving capacities of a hospital bed, that is another day something could go catastrophically wrong. Will it kill me? How close will I get? Will we catch it in time?

I've never been afraid, REALLY afraid, of Death before. I am now. I am and as is my stupid freaking way, only afraid of it a month after it happened. Delayed reactions are SUCH a bitch.

There will always be another complication. There will always be another doctor's appointment. There will always be labs that return with stilted numbers that require some kind of adjustment. That's just part of the package. I'm well on my way to accepting that part of my disease.

But. Will. It. Kill. Me.

I don't know. I can't say for sure because no one can tell the future. All I can do - all ANYONE can do - is live their lives and just hope that nothing comes along and puts them in the ground that day. That's the best we all get. I know this.

Day 29 out of the hospital. Will I make it to 30? All signs, with my new health now that we've gotten my meds under control, point to Yes. But the Magic 8 Ball that is life gets shaken up a lot. At what point will it say "Not likely"?

I've never been afraid of Death before. I am now.

Day 29 out of the hospital. This is a good number and it means good things. Now I've just got to convince myself of that.
22 February 2017 @ 01:10 am
good morning, it's 22 february 2017  
While there isn't a story to go with it, Mr. Trump's approval ratings continue to go down the toilet - except with Republican voters, where he's got a rock-steady unshakable 85% approval rating. They love all of this; it is his party now; and CPAC will make that very clear. I'll have an article or two about that tomorrow. Until then:

Republians still mining old Milo interviews, are shocked - shocked! - to discover that he has been preaching that campus rape reports are all "frauds and hoaxes" - there are a few other Milo stories as well, including one about his boys on the bus;

North Carolina gives up on its extraordinarily blatant disenfranchisement law (for now);

more on Trump's business interests in Russia;

Canadian shoppers pressure Hudson's Bay to drop Ivanka Trump brand;

Teen suicide attempts fell as same-sex marriage became legal, while Trump's administration signals they're completely fine with state actions against transgendered kids;

Another article on protecting your data while crossing US and Canadian borders;

Plans to cut environmental protections, and Scott Pruitt's first day on the job attacking his own staff;

ACLU announces plans to fight new versions of Trump immigration bans, which include deporting non-Mexicans to Mexico, which is very much a "...what?" situation;

School Asks Teachers To Take Down Pro-Diversity Posters, Saying They're 'Anti-Trump';

An interesting personal report by a Southern Baptist preacher at Trump's rally in Melbourne, Florida;

British Muslim teacher denied entry to US on school trip, nobody knows why;

And "The Myth of the U.S. Immigration Crisis" - noting that as in everything else, what isn't a lie from the Trumpists is a decade (or more!) out of date. Notice how Mr. Trump's descriptions of conditions in cities are all basically from the 1970s? That's not a coincidence.

It's February 22, 2017; this is the news ) )
Current Mood: blank
22 February 2017 @ 08:02 pm
365 Beginnings of 2017 - ZooTubev2 - Ateles geoffrei  
1.2 Ateles geoffrei
24 July 2018
It was bright and sunny when Topher arrived at the Black Handed Spider Monkey Exhibit. Unlike the lemurs, the Spider Monkeys were on display. “Now I'm ready,” he said. He took the camcorder out of the bag. “These are the Black Handed Spider Monkeys, from Central America. As you can see, they have prehensile tails, which can be used like an extra hand. The tip has similar dexterity to a finger.”
22 February 2017 @ 07:41 am
first week
second week

15) knight/maiden couple : Yoko Tsuno, Yoko/Ingrid
I have many, many femslash ships in this series and I think this one is my favourite. Ingrid is so cute and while the role of damsel in distress made it easier to ship her with a protective Yoko, I'm also glad she grew out of it in later albums.

Read more... )
22 February 2017 @ 04:37 pm
One of the most frustrating things about dealing with aging parents is trying to get them to see reason. My father has several health issues that need monitoring; heart, blood sugar (higher than expected but not diabetic - yet) and prostate. He has an elevated blood count for his prostate, and it's risen since the last time he saw the specialist about six months ago. His GP isn't overly worried about the high count due to his age, so let's take the GP's advice over the specialist. And he was complaining to me about having to have another biopsy done, because it hurt last time.


I think I might have finally got my message across, that the proctologist is employed by the public hospital. They do not get paid bonuses for doing more biopsies, and that it's negligent for them to ignore a rise in blood count when they didn't find anything last time.

At this moment I'm not sure if I want them to find nothing or something to stop him complaining about 'unnecessary procedures'.
22 February 2017 @ 03:29 pm
He’s Clueing For Looks!  
Sherlock undertakes his most harrowing and dangerous adventure yet - that of planning John and Mary's wedding. Along the way there is drinking, and meat-swords, and waltzing, but from Youtube-ing napkin folding tutorials, to bribing kids with gore, Sherlock ensures the day is a success while also solving a murder before it occurs, and bringing a tear to every eye in the room with his own brand of befuddled sentiment. Then everything changes...










Resource credit to: [livejournal.com profile] yunhe , [livejournal.com profile] lore_85 , [livejournal.com profile] cielo_gris , [livejournal.com profile] princessbloomy , [livejournal.com profile] nivani , [livejournal.com profile] lookslikerain , [livejournal.com profile] butterphil , [livejournal.com profile] emonet25 , [livejournal.com profile] queen_bartonia , [livejournal.com profile] carnageincminor  & [livejournal.com profile] vintagesol 

3x02 The Sign of Three
22 February 2017 @ 05:29 am
Post From Tumblr beeishappy: The Fake News Show - February 21, 2017 at 09:03PM  

The Fake News Show

from Tumblr http://ift.tt/2ltDrUO
22 February 2017 @ 05:29 am
Post From Tumblr democracynow:Seventy-five years after President Franklin Delano... - February 21, 2  

Seventy-five years after President Franklin Delano Roosevelt signed Executive Order 9066, which forced more than 120,000 Japanese Americans and legal residents into U.S. prison camps, actor and activist George Takei recalled being removed at gunpoint from his home and growing up in internment.See the full conversation with George Takei ⟶

from Tumblr http://ift.tt/2ltAxPX
21 February 2017 @ 10:28 pm
Well, there's nothing much to post because everything was calm for the most part.

I got my emergency room bill and surprisingly it wasn't as much as I thought it was going to be, so hurrah for that. I just have to go to Financial Services and set up a payment plan, but hey-- I guess that's one less thing to worry about.

Also a note about any icons I post-- if anyone is interested in using any of them-- feel free to! The ones that have no credit keywords are ones that I've made and really, credit is not required in the slightest! I used to be like "CREDIT ME OR ELSE" but hey, I'm just chill and I really just icon for fun here and there-- (and to see if I still have a knack for it). (But please don't take the Alaiyna one-- as she's a character that I used to play on FFXIV, there'd be no real point for anyone to use it except for me)

Hope y'all are doing great! I am about ready to play a little bit of Tales of Beseria and make some fries!
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Final Fantasy Pray - Once You Meet Her
22 February 2017 @ 11:52 am
Hidden Figures Preliminary Review  
Hidden Figures (Preliminary)
A movie based on real events at NASA in the early 1960, during the early stages of the Space Race. It is primarily about three female African American mathematicians (or 'computers') who had to deal with the prejudices typical of the era while also helping to come up with the mathematics required for space travel.This is a really good film. Although there are some dramaticisations, it is overall rather well presented. All three of the main actors did a very good job in portraying these real life characters.
The other characters in the film also well portrayed (including John Glenn). This is one movie I would recommend anyone to see. 9.5/10.
21 February 2017 @ 04:29 pm
Just got a text message from my dad saying my grandma passed away about five minutes ago.

She had been in declining health for a long time, and was in her early 90s. Yesterday my dad sent a text saying hospice gave her about five days left to live.

How do you respond to a message like that?

I'm not sure where things will go from here for my grandpa.
Current Mood: indescribable
21 February 2017 @ 05:19 pm
chocolate box fics!  
Brief health update: new antibiotic did not kill the infection, I'm still deaf in my right ear with occasional icepick pain, got referred to ENT who thinks it's a viral rather than bacterial infection causing nerve inflammation and put me on prednisone.

I was right, [personal profile] merit wrote both my gift fics! Of course that was a pretty easy conclusion considering that she's one of maybe three people who know both sources in the crossover.... Anyway, ♥ to you, thanks again, and one of these days imma write you something, I swear.

So, what I wrote. My assignment, for [archiveofourown.org profile] LillyRose:

Lucky Strike (1034 words) by Isis
Fandom: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Queenie Goldstein/Jacob Kowalski
Characters: Jacob Kowalski, Queenie Goldstein
Additional Tags: Meet-Cute, First Meetings, Post-Canon, Awkward Conversations
Summary: Jacob meets Queenie again for the first time.

I saw Fantastic Beasts on Christmas, and despite having been out of the Harry Potter fandom for some time, I was charmed. It was fun to have a perspective on the wizarding world in a different time and place from the original series, and I particularly liked the awkward but good-hearted characters at the heart of the movie, Newt, Tina, Jacob, and Queenie. And I was devastated at the end (skip spoiler) when Jacob accepts Obliviation!. So I jumped at the chance to write a coda and make everything all better!

Writing from Jacob's POV let me make use of one of my favorite tropes, that of the unreliable narrator who doesn't realize that things are not as he believes - but the reader knows the truth. So the reader is complicit, in a way, with the author, and that knowledge is what gives tension to the unfolding story. (Which also makes the story pointless and inane if you don't know the canon and therefore don't know that Queenie is a Legilimens and reads minds, and that Jacob and Queenie have met before.) I also want to give a shout-out to [personal profile] chamekke who despite being new at beta-reading did a super-awesome job and made this a much better story.

Then, it was treat time. As I've mentioned off and on here, I'm playing Witcher 3, and since a lot of my brain has been occupied with that game I looked to see if there were any requests I could treat. So I saw [archiveofourown.org profile] heeroluva's request, "Honestly I would love to see Geralt being fucked. It can be by monster(s)/creature(s) or original character(s)...and can be consensual or not....I just love the thought of him who's always in control, always coming out on top, finding himself suddenly powerless and no longer being on top. ;) I'd love to see him finding something he can't handle, and I'd love to see him getting off on it." Boom, immediate plotbunny based on a bit of the game I'd just finished, leading to:

A Fiend in Need (2408 words) by Isis
Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Original Male Character(s)
Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Original Non-Human Character(s)
Additional Tags: Monsters, Bestiality, Discovering a taste for bottoming, Chocolate Box Treat, Not actually as dark as it might appear from the tags
Summary: "Well, I'll be fucked," Geralt muttered, with an ironic bark of laughter at the aptness of the phrase that had sprung to mind. "Guess your antlers aren't the only place you're horny."

There's a lot of humor in the game, and I tried to make that style of dryly amused perspective come through here. But it's basically a big monster overpowers Geralt and fucks him, and he sort of likes it. Also, my first smut in a year, and my first E-rated smut in two years. Surprisingly fun to write.

I also wrote a Witcher treat for [archiveofourown.org profile] wednesday's prompt for Geralt/Keira, "at some point Geralt realizes he has more choices than he thought and maybe he should choose a different sorceress," which was also fun to write but turned out to be much less fun to have written.

The bosom that makes the home (828 words) by Isis
Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Keira Metz
Characters: Keira Metz, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia
Additional Tags: Reunited and It Feels So Good, slight AU, Some Yennefer bashing, Chocolate Box Treat
Summary: When Geralt returns to Kaer Morhen, Keira is there waiting for him.

One minor problem was that I had not actually reached the point in the game where I set the fic (I'd reached the point where I could play that part, but I was putting it off so I could accomplish a few more things first) so it turned out to be a bit more AU than intended. Also, I have not played the first two games, and most importantly (as it turns out), I have not read the books the games are based on.

Why I wrote this story, and oops, didn't intend to enter a new fandom with wank. )
former hook Shepard
21 February 2017 @ 03:21 pm
Chocolate Box creator reveals have happened! I wrote a Bodhi/Galen story for Merfilly. Uncharacteristically, I am quite fond of this one out of the gate. 

Fandom: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Warnings: Major Character Death
Relationships: Galen Erso/Bodhi Rook
“Thanks mate. You probably saved my ass.”
Bodhi gets a low, rusty chuckle in response, like the researcher isn’t used to laughing. Or he did, and for whatever reason, now does not.
“Then I have done one good thing here, and I am glad.” He puts out his hand. “Galen Erso.”
“Bodhi. Bodhi Rook.”
Six moments where Bodhi and Galen’s lives intersected.
21 February 2017 @ 02:45 pm
Apartment hunting  
I am one of those people who absolutely hates making phone calls. For years I thought I had some kind of weird phobia, until I found out lots of people hate making phone calls.

I just called an apartment complex in what I shall call my Summer Town, and I called them specifically because I knew they have month-to-month rent (and before anyone comes to tell me the cons of month-to-month places, I will say I already know). So far, at this time, it doesn't sound like they'll have anything in the future that will fit my needs, but their lowest rent was a bit higher than I expected. I know what my maximum should be to stay reasonable in relation to my income. Their lowest rent was my maximum.

I told myself I would make at least one call today. Last night I was lying in bed thinking about how I haven't called anyone about apartments and I started freaking out. It took forever for that sleep-aid to kick in. Making the calls scares me the most.

A lot of my worries center on timing. I can't move into a place right now because I have no job and it doesn't start until May. But I can't wait too long because other seasonal workers will also be looking for places to live. There is always the bunkhouse. If I stayed there, I could save a ton of money again and probably make my goal of paying for a year of out-of-state tuition at one of the graduate schools I've been looking at.

I'm not sure who else would be living at the bunkhouse this season. There are four rooms, and my supervisor had planned to use those rooms for our crews, but now it looks like we won't need all those rooms. The other four people who are going to be hired will be based out of the Other Summer Town, and they will likely use the bunkhouse there. I just tried to contact my crew chief to see if she'll be living with one of our other girls who will be renting a house (and will need a roommate unless her mother plans on paying the other half of the $900/month rent). I'm seeing a lot of two bedroom apartments and trailers go up in the local classifieds, and knowing how our crew chief loves saving money, I bet she'd prefer living somewhere where the rent is cheapest. I don't know if she'll opt for the bunkhouse. If she and I lived together, the rent would be cheaper for her. And even when she leaves to go back to college in August, the rent wouldn't be too much of a burden for me (the other girl's mom will have to pick up the second half of the rent once Crew Chief is gone).

So I sent Crew Chief a message on Facebook to see what her plans are. I'm betting she'll be living with Stucky (I'm going to call the other girl this, because she ships Captain America and Bucky. I will call Crew Chief "CC"), because the two of them are fairly close since they've been working together now for about three seasons. But I'm just covering my options.

Current Mood: worried
21 February 2017 @ 02:44 pm
this is breitbart news  
Milo Y has resigned from Breitbart News. But note this key line from the Milo resignation announcement story:

Yiannopoulos blamed the media for the controversy and for not reporting on the comments sooner, calling it a "cynical media witch hunt." That sentiment was also expressed by [Breitbart editor-in-chief Alex] Marlow on Breitbart's radio show on Tuesday morning.

Getting called on supporting pederasty and calling the idea of requiring consent for sex "oppressive" is a "cynical media witch hunt" to Breitbart's editor-in-chief Alex Marlow.


And that doesn't even get into Milo dismissing literally all campus rape reports as "frauds and hoaxes."

Current Mood: cold
21 February 2017 @ 11:18 am
Somtimes I hate holidays  
I completely forgot yesterday was President's Day. And I kept forgetting.

I went up to my university with the idea that I would drop by my professor's office. Only when I got to the free parking did I remember school was closed for the day. The empty parking lot was a big hint.

Then I went to the library to return some books and donate a bunch of DVDs. Well, I returned the books to the outside bookdrop, but the DVDs would have to wait (until today) because the donation box is in the lobby, which was locked.

I have too much I need/want to do today.
Current Mood: discontent
21 February 2017 @ 12:19 pm
Re-posting: Commissions Needed  
Still desperate! I just had another hefty bill come through for my car, and I'm still paying off medical bills for having my baby and surgery on some complications. 
I am open to pretty much everything for the things on this list. Let me know if you have ideas and we can work something out.
Things I will be able to do:
Graphic design work (1-2 iterations):
- Wallpapers ($3) computer size and lower size
- Banners ($3) No more than 300x400 pixels
- Manips ($5) all sizes
- Book Covers for indie books ($10) - if I need to use my stock imagery account this might include the cost of the stock photo too.
- Logos, icons, other graphics, custom graphics - we can discuss ($3 - $10)
- Indie Publishing package ($100) This includes book cover, beta read, uploading to Amazon, Nook, or any other ebook place. Same goes for a layout for Creative Space too for a physical book.
Digital art, fandom or original:
- Pastel, Marker or Colored Pencils 8x10 ($25)
- Digital, Photoshop or Illustrator or Sketchbook 8x10 ($30)
- Black and White ink ($15)
- Coloring Book page ($10)
Pet Portraits:
- Ink ($20)
- Pastel or Colored Pencil ($25)
- Digital, Photoshop ($35)
Here are my portfolios to see my work:
I've done several big bangs, banners, and original award banners for lots of fandom communities. I've got about 15 years of design experience. Most of my professional work is graphic design, prototyping and web design. Painting and drawing is mostly a hobby at this point but I've done it since I could hold a pencil.
I will give a sample sketch to show you before you pay once we discuss subject matter and terms.
Keep in mind that I will not ask for payment until after the work is complete. I will be using Paypal only. I would feel super guilty if I got paid even a portion and could not deliver.
Please share if you can! Thanks!
PS: Another thing that would help out if you haven't bought my book Unbridled. It's at Amazon. 
Even though I don't get royalties until two months later, it would help later.
The e-book is $2.99 and the physical copy is $11.99. If you would like a physical copy signed by me, I can send you one for $10.
Thank you very much everyone!

(If I owe you commissions, I'm working on them and will finish them soon!)
21 February 2017 @ 11:49 am
Ships that I Ship: Day 52: Kasanonda/Tetsuya  
Canon: Ouran High School Host Club
Pairing: Kasanoda Ritsu/Sendou Tetsuya
Canon Level: Friends

Tetsuya and Kasanoda are adorable together. Tetsuya chooses to follow Kasanoda because Tetsuya has never been fooled by Kasanoda's looks and he greatly admires Kasanoda's kindness. Kasanoda turns into a blushy, awkward mess any time any sort of affection, his or other's, is involved. They can't be anything other than utterly adorable even as simply friends.

Suggested reading:
Suspicion by [archiveofourown.org profile] tastewithouttalent
Four Times the Kasanoda-gumi Are Confused About Waka’s Sexuality and One Time Everything Works out Okay by [fanfiction.net profile] peroxidepest17
Nice Girls Do by [archiveofourown.org profile] miaoujones
21 February 2017 @ 04:19 pm
Only Forever  
The doctor has added laryngitis to my bronchitis, which doesn’t surprise me at all as I have practically no voice. She also didn’t like the way my lungs sound, so she upped my asthma medication and I am to stay at home the whole week and rest. I will be very poor in March.

Anyways, here is the fic I wrote for Chocolate Box, though in truth the idea has been in the back of my head ever since I re-watched Labyrinth just after the news of David Bowie’s death.

Title: Only Forever
Fandom: Labyrinth
Rating: All ages
Genre: Tragedy
Word Count: 662
Characters/pairing: Jareth/Sarah
Warnings: Character death
Summary: Sarah wakes up in the witching hour, feeling something has gone terribly wrong.

Read more... )
perpetually late to the party
21 February 2017 @ 09:03 am
[community profile] pbam: Porn Battle is still accepting prompts and will continue to do so until February 22nd at 23:00 GMT. So get in there and prompt prompt prompt! :D

I threw in quite a few prompts for various fandoms (Sherlock, MCU, various FFs) but I forgot some fandoms.

I would really like to get a lot of stuff written/drawn for this one! Posting coincides with spring break (March 6th-10th) so here's to hoping! :D