28 March 2017 @ 12:15 am
So the lucky winner of icon #100 is Asche from Tales of the Abyss-- and the song used is "Cry" from the new Take That CD (I am actually super pleased with this icon-- no words to describe it, it came out perfectly!)
27 March 2017 @ 09:15 pm
This Is Me Today

 photo buffalo_zpse5f92fdf.gif

I'm sure I'll be a nicer mammal tomorrow.  
Current Location: Going to bed. at 9:23 p.m. WHAT??!?
Current Mood: grumpy
perpetually late to the party
27 March 2017 @ 10:02 pm
so sleepy  
I'm going to be anxious and stressed out until this semester ends and that's pretty much all there is to it. :\ At least the current project for graphic design is almost finished.

I've officially signed up for Camp! My project is here. :3 I signed up for 900 minutes for the month, which comes out to 30 minutes a day. That should be very doable but we'll see.

beauty and the best novel
I bought the Beauty and the Beast movie novelization. I am very weak.

creeper inked
Finally inked the creeper! The background has been painted, along with the words, but I don't have a photo of that yet. It's fun; at least I'm able to work on fun things at home, haha.
former hook Shepard
27 March 2017 @ 06:36 pm
Things I want to write about but things haven't quite jelled enough yet:
  • The Good Place and its repudiation of "hell is other people" in the best way, also fuck soulmates
  • A spoilery thing in Horizon: Zero Dawn that fucked me up a lot
  • the Finn/Poe/Rey street racing AU that I am struggling to not make too much like the Fast and the Furious
  • how much I hate the scanning mechanic in Mass Effect: Andromeda

27 March 2017 @ 04:29 pm
It is most certainly dangerous, Matrixxman. The way they can fob you off. This is why I'd avoided ER's for 20 years. I had no doctor. No health care. No General Practitioner to see after walking out of an emergency room. What good would have it done, I always told myself.

I also had the strangest dream about you, Matrix. One in which I'd somehow stumbled into your garage. You owned a blue Volvo - a Beetle, I think. All of the doors were open, but you weren't in there. I started for the car, but noticed a book on a garage shelf.

It was a journal of yours. Brown skinned journal, but with the most curious thing in the middle. Small, glued, mini-pages stapled in the middle. A book within a book. I was opening up the small pages when a man in a blue shirt with a red and white hat chased me out, shouting that I would not touch any of "Chuck's" stuff. (Your name is NOT Charlie, is it?)

I am definably mentally clearer. I prioritized this morning. We'd found a combo that mostly knocked out the migraine and woke up this morning, two walk-in's this week needed on my mind. Medical and psychiatric. I can only do one a day, lest I collapse.

It's in my instinct to go the mental health care intake first. It's what I have most practice in. I know how those work. They don't scare me. But my blood pressure is reaching internal cooking temperatures. I don't know what medical walk-ins are like. They scare me.

But I did what was immediately needed. I prioritized. I went to the Dr's walk in. Turns out it's much the same as any other kind of walk in. Some extra paperwork, a bunch of waiting, and clipped services. I came out with some new BP meds and a prescription for Hydrocodone to handle the pain in the meantime. Two hydros, a bath, and a lot of rest later, I feel somewhat functional.

And you are correct, Cinema. The migraines are connected to my blood pressure. At least it directly seems so. The main medical goal is now to get my BP under pressure and the migraines should also ease. The Dr said it's possible it's a joint inflammation issue, restricting nerves and blood flow, but I've an appointment again in two weeks. We'll know for sure then, but my bet is the blood pressure.

I re-remembered something yesterday. The pain had made me...irate, as Jesse put it. I wasn't just snappy, snarky, or bitchy. For whatever time I spent awake, I was enraged. And I remembered why I held onto the anger of my life for so long.

Anger is injured pride. It's basically (valid or not) your EGO talking. And if there's one thing I won't do when I am feeling egotistical is hurt myself. I'll be damned if I let myself make whatever pain I'm going through worse.

If there is one ill condition I am safest to myself in, it is when I am furious.

But the fire of that rage that kept me fighting for so many years is gone and now apparently only comes out when I'm in physical pain. This is not a good way to sustain that motivation, which itself isn't entirely too healthy, either.

Something I hadn't quite considered when the zen of my abused childhood and David - and even my drug addiction - became greater than the venom: Those were underpinnings. Pillars. Without them, the ceiling crashes down.

I need to replace those. I'd never thought that losing anger could actually be a LOSS, something that would need something else in its place. But it does.

How to rebuild, or what to put as pillars, I have no idea. But I'm searching. Starting therapy again will help with that. The rest?

I don't know. It'll show itself eventually. Nothing yet has killed me - even me. Somewhere inside of me is someone who does not want to give up. Somewhere inside of me is someone who knows how to scavenge hope in the darkest of places. Somewhere inside of me is someone who knows how to build a bridge in barren lands with her bare, bleeding hands.

Somewhere inside of me is someone who wants to live, no matter what threads I have scramble at to do so with. I know this because I've done it before. I know this because I. AM. STILL. HERE.

I feel like now is where the work in bringing her to the surface begins.
The mountains are calling and I must go.
27 March 2017 @ 03:32 pm
Fidele Chapter 16  
Fidele (76565 words) by misslucyjane
Chapters: 16/?
Fandom: Original Work
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Additional Tags: Romance Novel, Paranormal, PTSD, Hauntings, Kid Fic, Drug Use

A haunted house is no place to fall in love.

Malcolm Carmichael has been coping with his post-war trauma by taking lovers, teaching art to schoolboys, and trying to ignore the ghosts he sees everywhere. At the death of his mother, he realizes he wants more than just to coast on by, and leaves the exclusive school in search of something more.

Caleb Thibodeaux was so traumatized by the death of his parents in a fire that he hasn't spoken a word since. His uncle Noel hires Malcolm to be his tutor, and Malcolm discovers that Caleb is not the only Thibodeaux son with secrets. The plantation house Fidele is beautiful but haunted, and Noel is much the same.

Soon Malcolm is absorbed in protecting Caleb and Noel from threats both living and dead, and in uncovering the story of Fidele.

You can read Fidele at AO3 or at my NEW WEBSITE (!!!), Chapter 16.

Since I've also opened my self-publishing store, I've created a discount: 10% off any purchases from today to April 15, 2017. Use the discount code grandopening2017 at checkout.
Current Mood: accomplished
Cassie Morgan
27 March 2017 @ 08:39 pm
Again, really?  
So my knees have been playing up for three or four weeks now - the wrong sort of pain in the wrong sort of place and the painkillers haven't been helping. They've been unhappy, not taking my weight, swollen... generally just not kneeing properly, even for my knees.

This afternoon, since I had the day off work, I took them to the doctor. I wasn't able to see my own GP which made me nervous for a few round of 'another doctor, another diagnosis' and I was geared up for a fight if new doctor mentioned my weight.

But I saw this lovely young doctor who took the time to read my history. All 20+ years worth of screwed up knees. She did a full - albeit very painful - physical exam. Commented that my knee was like 3 times the size it should be... I didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't the worst it had been. Ht the ceiling a few times when she found a particularly sore spot.

I have torn the MCL. Again.
My patella is out of alignment with my femur. Again/still.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

She thinks I have patellofemoral syndrome - well that's a new one. Shall I add it to the collection.

I've been referred for physio.
I'm being sent for an MRI (current waiting list is hahahaha so I'm not holding my breath)
I'm on 500mg naproxen twice a day and 30/500mg every 4 hour for a minimum of two weeks. I've also got to keep off the knee as much as I can. She's really quite worried about the swelling. If in two weeks there's no improvement, it gets worse or xyz happens, I have to go back. I'll probably get referred to Ortho (Can has Charlie Harris)

So yeah, that's the current state of the llama. Slightly stoned on pain medication and barely able to move her bad leg. Fun times y'all!
27 March 2017 @ 10:02 pm
Kal had joined Zatanna in the JLA kitchen  
“Brown sugar?”
“Castor sugar.”
“Texture matters.”
“Texture? You’re adding walnuts!”
“This isn’t your Grammy’s farm back in Ohio, this is civilization!”
Kal rolled his eyes. “Should I grind up the walnuts, too? For civilization?”
Zatanna opened the bag of walnuts and appraised them. “Yes, actually, you could crush these.”
Kal took a handful of walnuts and crushed them down to something like sand in his palm.
“Don’t crush them in your grubby hands, use the rolling pin!”
“My hands are clean!”
“A likely story!”
“Do you want me to leave?”
Rather than answer him, Zatanna spoke to the electric mixer, “Xim rof thgie setunim,” and set the oven to preheat.
“You know, I could bake the cookies with my heat vision.”
“It’s a way to practice fine control–”
“All right, fair enough.”
“Gnillor nip, hsurc stunlaw! Namrepus, og rehtob Rednow Namow!”

Following prompt here::
27 March 2017 @ 01:13 pm
Ships that I Ship: Day 86: Harry/Johnny  
Canon: Dresden Files
Pairing: Harry Dresden/Johnny Marcone
Canon Level: Antagonists

I got into this pairing because I read a fic (don't remember which one), and when Gentleman Johnny Marcone walked onto the page, I went, "Well, hello kink I didn't know I had." There is something incredibly delicious in a man who is in complete control of himself and his surroundings and what might make him lose that control, whether it be anger or worry or lust. Marcone brings intensity to every scene he's in, and Harry is uniquely positioned to shake up Marcone's vaunted discipline. Harry is opinionated and stubborn and always gets involved if he wasn't already involved to begin with, and there's just no way for Marcone to completely control or predict Harry.

Suggested reading:
Enemy Mine by [ profile] Rassaku
other things the road to hell is paved with by [ profile] LuciaZephyr
The Affairs of Wizards by [ profile] Gehayi (archive-locked)
A Kiss from a Handsome... Mafia Boss by [ profile] Jade_Dragoness
27 March 2017 @ 05:47 pm
I got the bus to work today.

I smiled at people.

I had some small amount of walking.

I left wik sharo to be sure to be in time to get the bus.

I bought oranges at the store on the way home.

Because work pay my parking it's slightly more expensive to get the bus than take the car. But I did like seeing who was walking their dog and doing what in the gardens without actually haing to, y'know, go for a walk.

I am going to see if I can get interesting buses to any other parts of town at the weekend, for entertainment!
27 March 2017 @ 09:15 am
Witcher 3 fic: The Mark of the Year (f/f)  
I wrote something! Actually this is the first thing I have written in a year that wasn't written for a fic exchange, if you count polishing and posting a longfic that I had mostly written the previous year as "writing". And it's in a fandom I don't think any of you are in, but I'm going to link it here anyway:

The Mark of the Year (3801 words) by Isis
Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon/Astrid (The Witcher)
Characters: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Astrid (The Witcher)
Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Witcher!Ciri, References to game events, Sauna
Summary: One year after burying Skjall and facing the Wild Hunt, Ciri returns to Lofoten.

This story came about entirely because there is a scene in the game involving Ciri going to a sauna. (In this game, the player usually controls Geralt, the titular Witcher, but there are quests in which the player character is Ciri, Geralt's sort-of-adopted-daughter who he spends the first part of the game searching for.) Astrid, whose brother has a crush on Ciri, asks Ciri if she likes him; one possible player response is, "To be honest, I prefer women." But if you choose this response (and I did!) nothing racy happens, alas, which is sort of surprising because Geralt has several romantic scenes (or at least the possibility of them). SO I HAD TO WRITE SOMETHING.

(Not that this fic makes sense without knowing the game, or that I expect anyone on my flist to read it, just that I wanted to tell the story of why I wrote it!)
27 March 2017 @ 10:16 am
Sick Day  
Caroline is currently occupying the longer of the two couches. She is sound asleep. This past week was not kind to her. Friday she had to get a nosebleed cauterized after two days of nosebleeds that would last over an hour. She sucked it up and did her show that night. She had been coughing. Saturday she had two cavities filled. Sunday it sounded like she was going to cough up a lung. This morning Peter made the decision that Caroline was staying home due to her health and she had basically been asleep on the couch since.

Why did Peter get up with Caroline? Because I have the flu in all its glory. Yesterday was a lovely day with GI problems, fever, muscle cramps, cough, and other unpleasantness. After lunch I went upstairs and slept the rest of the day away except for a few trips to the loo. This morning I am feeling a little better but still totally wiped from yesterday. I have been informed by others not to push it or I will find myself back in my sickbed for longer.

So this is a lost day or rather a recovery day for us. Not much going to get done except letting our bodies heal.

I am grateful for things that allow us to recover including sleep.
26 March 2017 @ 09:56 pm
Friday 5 on Sunday  
[community profile] thefridayfive is late this week--& for once, it's not me! They only posted the questions today.

Cooking! )

26 March 2017 @ 09:50 pm
Dept. of Sunday  
Things I Learned This Weekend

1. I'm really not Buddhist, not in the least. I tried to read a book I picked up at the library, which had been recommended by a friend. It was written by a Buddhist nun, and it was about how to try to approach, or in some way deal with, difficult times. It's something I need to learn how to do, so I wanted to read this book, this very slim little book.

I managed about five pages of it and ended up yelling at the book. There was no way I was going to make it to the end, slim or not. The language made me roll my eyes, I kept arguing with individual sentences. Individual sentences, people; I was arguing with words on a page.

BB, who has a much more Buddhist nature than I have had read a bit of the book; when I told him the book made me extremely angry (and that's the thing I'm trying to deal with), he sighed and said "This isn't the book I'd have suggested for you to read." He was right.

And more generally, I was reminded that I'm not Buddhist in the least, as I said. I know that the dark is part of this world; I know that death is part of this world, but I'll be goddamned if I have to like it, or accept it.  I'm with Dylan Thomas; I'll rage against the dying of the light.

2. I was reminded, once again, of how much I love BB. 

Current Mood: indescribable
Current Location: Going to bed
26 March 2017 @ 07:57 pm
Ships that I Ship: Day 85: Joon/Sam  
Canon: Benny & Joon
Pairing: Sam/Joon Pearl
Canon Level: Dating

Benny & Joon is a sweet movie about falling in love and the right to grow up while having mental health issues. Joon and Sam's romance is cute. They both care for each other, and they both do their best to help each other with things they struggle with. Neither of them is "normal," and they appreciate each other for who they are, not who they could be.

Suggested reading:
Green Eggs and Sam by [ profile] bicyclefish
But it's Tuesday by [ profile] kho
26 March 2017 @ 11:59 pm
Summer time?!  

Greece is on “Summer Time” as of Sunday. So putting Evdokía in a bikini sounds appropriate, no?

No. It is gloomy, rainy, and cool.
26 March 2017 @ 11:14 am
#6 - Apple A Day  
I've actually had a really productive week! It's been stressful, but not over the top stressful, and I've actually gotten a lot of RL stuff accomplished. Which is awesome, because the two weeks before this one were pretty low on the productivity scale.
  • I haven't picked up a single book this week... because the Black Tapes podcast has taken over my life /o\ I've gotten through the entire first season and half the second season and am a bit obsessed. It's so good! I haven't listened to a narrative podcast since Welcome to Night Vale 3 years ago. And to be honest, I like this one a lot more than I liked Night Vale. It's not as weird, and instead has this creeping slide into either demonic occurrences in a world very similar to ours or the main characters slowly losing their minds with paranoia. Also, I ship Alex/Strand like burning. 
  • I've been writing a lot lately. I'm on a 7-day 1k a day streak and nearing towards having written 20k this month, which is definitely not bad. Especially after having such a dry spell in January and the first half of February. I've posted another Molly/Eurus ficlet to femslashficlets and a golden trio friendship fic to Rough Trade. RT's gearing up for the next challenge and I am so ready to read everything. So ready. I'm also 1.5k into my Keith/Mothman fic and wrote bits and bobs for some other fics. The Bind continuation is now complete, but I need to edit it a lot more before I can post it.
  • I've been doing fic "research" in the form of spending a couple hours searching for Mothman stuff on tumblr. My #mothman & #meithman tags are amazing and I've still got like 30 more posts to post. I'm also really into Gravity Falls fan art, especially the reverse falls AU. People are so talented!
  • I've been thinking about signing up for the Soulmate Exchange, but I'm feeling so-so about it. It's running at the same time as the All in the Family exchange, I haven't felt a strong pull to offer anything, I'm pretty busy in RL anyway, so eh. I love the soulmate trope and there's some interesting ways to go about it in the additional tags, but somehow it's not working for me. I figure I'll just keep an eye out for interesting pinch hits.
  • Fanfic reading-wise, I've been all in on esama's recent CACW fics. I'm also mildly obsessed with Chash's stuff. They're such a good writer, omg. I came for their Tortall series but stayed for their writing, even though I don't usually read much in The 100. The Course of Honour continues to be amazing. I also really liked callmearcturus' fae/human Homestuck AU, which I read basically as original fic since I never got through reading Homestuck. /shame
26 March 2017 @ 03:15 pm
zines: Probability Square, and B7 Complex 1  
hey look - some more content! some more blake's 7 content! life, eh? don't talk to me about it. (actually i also think i'm spending too much time playing games, and obsessively checking whether anyone on BGG has accepted my trades - they haven't - but whatevs).

approaching the end of that computer-tournament fic i have been writing for as long as i can remember. so - that should be out before the end of... well, april, probably. and i haven't forgotten my non-B/A christmas easter (?) fics. i just haven't written them either.

in case anyone's wondering i ALSO haven't forgotten about [community profile] unconventionalcourtship - it'll be back for june/july. pretty much when i write these other fics.

i've got some time off in april, though, just before new job. so maybe i'll do some writing then. maybe not - but maybe i will!

anyway - here are some thoughts on some writing that other, more highly motivated people did before i had crawled out of my creche.

Probability Square )

B7 Complex 1 )

speaking of zines, tumblr is making a online-only zine, over at

as you can see from my earlier ramblings about my own writing (or lack of it), i dont feel in a particularly good place with b7 stuff at the moment, so i will be... not contributing. i also think - i already did a zine, and ... that almost everyone on tumblr likes A/V. i'm a weird lurker on tumblr, basically, who knows stuff about old fandom, but otherwise doesn't talk much or like normal things. however - maybe you nice people would like to contribute! that'd be cool.