The fic itself is generally well-loved, and quite frankly, the strong language is largely a result of a friend of mine being a bit wasted and having some stupid fun.
1. It strikes me as being largely un-betaed. There are grammatical errors all over it that most betas that I know would catch. I'd hit huge portions of it with a big, red pen.
2. There is little character motivation. We never have any clue about what Phoenix is thinking about anything, despite the fic's being written from his third-person perspective. It wasn't so bad for the first three chapters, but it's just not working at this point. To be quite frank, I have absolutely no idea why he's with Edgeworth. There was absolutely no thought process for his going from being essentially straight and trying to be Edgeworth's friend, to his freaking the fuck out at being kissed by that friend (male), to his pretty well wholeheartedly accepting the whole situation. With no explanation, which just makes no sense. I see Phoenix as a bit of an empty shell in this fic.
I have no problem with the way the relationship develops. It's not my cup of tea, but I'm not that trite and not prone to disliking something just because it doesn't go the exact same way that I've imagined it. I just don't think it's being well executed. At all.
3. Six very long chapters and absolutely nothing has happened. There has been no conflict, no plot development, nothing. At all.
4. Get a beta. Seriously.
I just think it's a bit annoying, really, because it has a lot of potential. I also see a lot of other works by other authors that are a lot better being continually overlooked while everyone is practically creaming their pants over this fic.
Re: 59
1. It strikes me as being largely un-betaed. There are grammatical errors all over it that most betas that I know would catch. I'd hit huge portions of it with a big, red pen.
2. There is little character motivation. We never have any clue about what Phoenix is thinking about anything, despite the fic's being written from his third-person perspective. It wasn't so bad for the first three chapters, but it's just not working at this point. To be quite frank, I have absolutely no idea why he's with Edgeworth. There was absolutely no thought process for his going from being essentially straight and trying to be Edgeworth's friend, to his freaking the fuck out at being kissed by that friend (male), to his pretty well wholeheartedly accepting the whole situation. With no explanation, which just makes no sense. I see Phoenix as a bit of an empty shell in this fic.
I have no problem with the way the relationship develops. It's not my cup of tea, but I'm not that trite and not prone to disliking something just because it doesn't go the exact same way that I've imagined it. I just don't think it's being well executed. At all.
3. Six very long chapters and absolutely nothing has happened. There has been no conflict, no plot development, nothing. At all.
4. Get a beta. Seriously.
I just think it's a bit annoying, really, because it has a lot of potential. I also see a lot of other works by other authors that are a lot better being continually overlooked while everyone is practically creaming their pants over this fic.