... I am sorry but I giggled a little at your secret. It's like a scene in a screwball comedy where some character who leaves to do normal stuff in the beginning of the flick come back in the middle and, say, open the door and go "Hai gaiz whut did I miss-" and then the genetically mutated Crab-Donkeys throw pies in his faces while his roomies try to talk Vladimir Putin out of bombing their apartment. The situation here is really that insane, and I do pity you OP. For just like those screwball comedies, there really isn't a logical or even sane answer to give. Just plain idiocy.