I don't know if I've ever gone as far as writing paragraphs excusing the behavior of my hot villain fave, but I can attest the thirst is real, and it's especially real when there are no men IRL that I find myself attracted to or going out with, etc. I cannot speak for everyone, of course, but I'd I was more present online and active in fandom, I'd probably have a dedicated Tumblr or something to each of if my faves. I have enjoyed the pages and fic lists others have made on Tumblr, because nothing's more fun than enjoying the same hot fave with others who understand how badly you want that character. And so you read fic, you write fic, and you squee! Probably other things too!

Maybe everyone you're running into is that thirsty! Maybe your attraction is in fact muted. But what is even the "normal" level to begin with? Maybe we're all just extra on that fandom dick specifically because it doesn't exist irl, and will only exist as we imagine it to --as a writer and reader, we're having control over this character and how he treats the other half or your stand in. Who knows!