I don't even think it is problematic, tbh? Like... real queer people, even ones with liberal and accepting home upbringings, have to untangle different levels of internalized homophobia.

I mean if EVERY m/m or f/f romance dealing with internalized homophobia had one partner taking it out on the other and their partner just taking it, and every narrative treating that as normal and good, then I'd say that was problematic (though I certainly can't imagine I'd go around telling grown adults not to read it for that reason).

But like... it's a real experience that I think a lot of writers have their own takes on, that can be *valuable* for a reader who's going through it. There are PLENTY of stories where a character has to deal with internalized homophobia, and they do so in a way that does not put that weight on a partner/prospective partner, and seeing stories where they heal from the hurt they've been feeling and learn to be free and to love themselves as well as to love and be loved in a relationship... I think those are good stories that the world needs.