I think the fandom may surprise you. There's certainly a shipping divide, but nothing too viscious. While I am hugely invested in Stefan/Elena, I would say that Stefan-Damon is my favorite relationship on the show. At the end of the day, I need them to be on good terms.
There's a beautiful symmetry to the fact that Katherine tore the boys apart, but Elena is the person who can bring them back together. She understands both boys so well that she can help each of them to see things from their brother's standpoint. There's a great scene (in 1x14, I think) after Elena & Stefan lied to Damon to thwart his plan to open the tomb, where Stefan says that Damon is 'angry' and Elena corrects him by saying 'He's hurt, there's a different'. Stefan & Damon had such a long history of blood and betrayal and hate that they NEED Elena because she comes at things with a fresh perspective and forces them to truly connect with each other.
As you said, Damon didn't pursue Elena for his brother's sake, but Stefan made similar sacrifices. Stefan has never gotten jealous over the Elena-Damon dynamic and shrugged off the fact that Damon twice tried to kiss Elena. Why? Because he saw how significant it was that Damon cares for someone. And he needs his brother.
Basically, there's no need for this to be a secret. Most people in the fandom that I talk to are on the same page. (And fuck the haters.)
Check out this gif. This is there reaction when Katherine mentions that they're in love with the same woman. THIS is how much they care about the supposed love triangle. (http://s674.photobucket.com/albums/vv102/cheesegirl33/GIF/GIF%20Vampire%20Diaries/?action=view¤t=better.gif)
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There's a beautiful symmetry to the fact that Katherine tore the boys apart, but Elena is the person who can bring them back together. She understands both boys so well that she can help each of them to see things from their brother's standpoint. There's a great scene (in 1x14, I think) after Elena & Stefan lied to Damon to thwart his plan to open the tomb, where Stefan says that Damon is 'angry' and Elena corrects him by saying 'He's hurt, there's a different'. Stefan & Damon had such a long history of blood and betrayal and hate that they NEED Elena because she comes at things with a fresh perspective and forces them to truly connect with each other.
As you said, Damon didn't pursue Elena for his brother's sake, but Stefan made similar sacrifices. Stefan has never gotten jealous over the Elena-Damon dynamic and shrugged off the fact that Damon twice tried to kiss Elena. Why? Because he saw how significant it was that Damon cares for someone. And he needs his brother.
Basically, there's no need for this to be a secret. Most people in the fandom that I talk to are on the same page. (And fuck the haters.)
Check out this gif. This is there reaction when Katherine mentions that they're in love with the same woman. THIS is how much they care about the supposed love triangle.