Half the time I feel like I'm masquerading as human. I've been on less dates than fingers on one hand, I'm scared of relationships and the caring involved, I'm not even sure I can care on that high of a level? I've never had sex. Half the time I want to, the other half I don't. I look around seeing people be happy and successful, who go out and get a job in less than a month. Friends are getting married, I'm realising I really don't have that many friends and how does an adult even make friends? I've felt really lonely lately because I've developed an immune disease with a 3 months wait to even see a specialist and I don't know how to talk to anyone and I've had bad past experiences with psychologists and doctors trying to be counsellors.
My internet life isn't much different. I don't even have an account for DW or LJ because I'm scared of people knowing me too well, of people linking bits of me together from posts and not liking me as a result. Or they might use bits of me to hurt me.
I guess I'm all kinds of scared because at least I'm used to being alone and scared of everything else but I really really just want to be like everyone else.
And I don't even know why I'm typing this here because what can people on the internet do? Just, here, have my confused scared feelings in text. Maybe someone else has been like this and knew how to fix themself?
Secretly convinced there's something wrong with me
I've been on less dates than fingers on one hand, I'm scared of relationships and the caring involved, I'm not even sure I can care on that high of a level? I've never had sex. Half the time I want to, the other half I don't. I look around seeing people be happy and successful, who go out and get a job in less than a month. Friends are getting married, I'm realising I really don't have that many friends and how does an adult even make friends?
I've felt really lonely lately because I've developed an immune disease with a 3 months wait to even see a specialist and I don't know how to talk to anyone and I've had bad past experiences with psychologists and doctors trying to be counsellors.
My internet life isn't much different. I don't even have an account for DW or LJ because I'm scared of people knowing me too well, of people linking bits of me together from posts and not liking me as a result. Or they might use bits of me to hurt me.
I guess I'm all kinds of scared because at least I'm used to being alone and scared of everything else but I really really just want to be like everyone else.
And I don't even know why I'm typing this here because what can people on the internet do? Just, here, have my confused scared feelings in text. Maybe someone else has been like this and knew how to fix themself?