I empathize with most of what you're saying, although I've never been quite as extreme as you seem to be. I've definitely gone through the "Is something wrong with me?" phase, for similar reasons, though.
Two things: Ask yourself if you're unhappy with things as they are because you're actually unhappy, or are you unhappy because you think you "should" be some way and therefore something's wrong with you? And it doesn't have to be one or the other. In my case, I'm occasionally worried that something's wrong with me because I'm *terrified* of talking to strangers. But I've realized that part of why that bothered me was that I was looking at how people in general behaved, rather than people with the sort of social circles I actually want. Essentially, I'm not actually unhappy with my shyness, just the isolating effect it can have when I move to a new area. Or rather, I'd still like to be less shy, but it's not a hurdle stopping me from being happy. I ask this part mostly because you said you really want to be like everyone else. Is that actually what you want, or do you just think you'd be happier that way because it seems like everyone else is? Either one is valid! Personally, I'd be miserable if I forced myself to socialize the way someone like my mother does, which seems to be more "normal". But I know people who would be happier being the social butterfly type, but have various issues that get in the way of it.
And second, if you *are* trying to find more friends one way or another, I know that can be difficult as an adult. I've been figuring out the making friends as an adult thing recently (yay moving to a new city for grad school! And then having half your social circle get jobs in another city within the last few months!), so here's what's been working for me: What worked for me initially was joining the university's tabletop RPG club. After all, tabletop RPG players have to be willing to talk to at least two other people in person! And it worked nicely with my shyness, since I had a reason to talk to these strangers for a couple of hours before I had to really *talk* to them, so then they weren't strangers any more! And I've been having good luck with geeky meetup groups lately. In my case, an anime meetup and a geek girls meetup.
In any case, good luck with figuring yourself out. I hope that you find something that works for you, whatever it is.
Re: Secretly convinced there's something wrong with me
Two things:
Ask yourself if you're unhappy with things as they are because you're actually unhappy, or are you unhappy because you think you "should" be some way and therefore something's wrong with you? And it doesn't have to be one or the other. In my case, I'm occasionally worried that something's wrong with me because I'm *terrified* of talking to strangers. But I've realized that part of why that bothered me was that I was looking at how people in general behaved, rather than people with the sort of social circles I actually want. Essentially, I'm not actually unhappy with my shyness, just the isolating effect it can have when I move to a new area. Or rather, I'd still like to be less shy, but it's not a hurdle stopping me from being happy.
I ask this part mostly because you said you really want to be like everyone else. Is that actually what you want, or do you just think you'd be happier that way because it seems like everyone else is? Either one is valid! Personally, I'd be miserable if I forced myself to socialize the way someone like my mother does, which seems to be more "normal". But I know people who would be happier being the social butterfly type, but have various issues that get in the way of it.
And second, if you *are* trying to find more friends one way or another, I know that can be difficult as an adult. I've been figuring out the making friends as an adult thing recently (yay moving to a new city for grad school! And then having half your social circle get jobs in another city within the last few months!), so here's what's been working for me:
What worked for me initially was joining the university's tabletop RPG club. After all, tabletop RPG players have to be willing to talk to at least two other people in person! And it worked nicely with my shyness, since I had a reason to talk to these strangers for a couple of hours before I had to really *talk* to them, so then they weren't strangers any more! And I've been having good luck with geeky meetup groups lately. In my case, an anime meetup and a geek girls meetup.
In any case, good luck with figuring yourself out. I hope that you find something that works for you, whatever it is.