Re: sexuality, I think half the problem is that you get people in Japanese fandoms who think that Japan is the magical utopia of acceptance and tolerance and it's totally cool to be gay there, and that's really not the case. And I'm not exaggerating when I say this. I've gotten into arguments with other fans about how everyone loves gays in Japan because they have yaoi and Hard Gay (ugh, don't get me started), and they're totally down with anyone who's trans because of Haruna Ai (who is super awesome, but also gets used as the butt of jokes a lot of times and is treated awfully by a lot of other celebrities).

I'm queer and I've lived in Japan, and while the way that non-acceptance translates over there is different, it isn't exactly pleasant. I can get where your friend was coming from, though, although I don't really feel the same, based on my own experiences.