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Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2017-03-19 03:29 pm

[ SECRET POST #3728 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3728 ⌋

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(Anonymous) 2017-03-19 07:40 pm (UTC)(link)
As someone with an unhealthily co-dependent relationship with her mother (though less so now than when I was a kid/teen): while I probably wouldn't have watched it anyway because I have zero interest in the genre, the pictures and gifs and what I've heard from a rl friend who does like it make it seem like it would bring up all kind of icky stuff for me.

(Anonymous) 2017-03-19 07:45 pm (UTC)(link)
I haven't seen the show in a long time but if I recall - yeah, its kinda unhealthy. Not the unhealthiest mother/daughter relationship ever to be on TV, but not healthy either.

(Anonymous) 2017-03-19 07:45 pm (UTC)(link)
I had a roommate who was huge into the original show (is the current a reboot or continuation?). I couldn't stand it because of their dynamic. I had no idea for the longest time one was the daughter because they acted like sisters. Really, really, really close sisters who have absolutely no boundaries at all.

(Anonymous) 2017-03-19 08:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Not into the show but I've read the current one on Netflix is a continuation, same main cast, picking up years after the original show ended.

(Anonymous) 2017-03-19 08:24 pm (UTC)(link)
The Netflix series is a continuation - picking up nearly 10 years after the original series ended. All of the original actors returned (sans Edward Herrmann, who died a few years ago).

They did often act like sisters in the later years. It was more obvious in their actions in the early years that they were mother and daughter.
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Biyon☆So close-- and it's you that)

[personal profile] alwaysbeenasmiler 2017-03-19 07:52 pm (UTC)(link)
It's a good series but I do think that they are more concerned with being best friends then everything else-- when I have a kid, I am still going to be their parent first and formost. Of course at times I think that the dynamic had it so that Rory was more the parent then her mother and that I can kinda see as well since when I lived with my grandmother, I felt more like the parent then her.

So in a way, I guess I can relate.

It is a show for hipster girls though, hipster girls who are really into coffee

(Anonymous) 2017-03-19 08:21 pm (UTC)(link)
The set up is that Lorelai was a teen mom, and from purely anecdotal real life experience, that can be kind of realistic. I have friends who had very young moms, who ended up having problems with trying too hard to be friends with their kid, since they weren't THAT much younger than them after all, to the point where it got kinda weird.

Not saying its healthy or that the show should glamorize it, but it is kinda realistic from my limited experience.

(Anonymous) 2017-03-19 10:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah I was going to bring this up, I haven't seen the whole show but from what I watched they were very much portraying the weird dynamic that happens when someone has a kid super young and isn't that far from them in age.

And I don't think they were trying to glamorize it because it did feel like the characters struggled with their dynamic at times.

(Anonymous) 2017-03-20 01:05 am (UTC)(link)
This is very true, and I think the fact that this is the root of their dynamic comes across best when Lorelai is trying to discourage Rory from recklessly having sex, because she might duplicate Lorelai's mistakes.

I think Lorelai being a single mom plays a pretty big role too. She was lonely and she looked to Rory to fill up that space. Not healthy, no, but definitely realistic.

(Anonymous) 2017-03-20 04:15 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I saw that with some of my friends.

And on the other hand I had a more traditional mom but after I became an adult me and my mom started acting more like friends.

Their relationship never seemed far fetched to me.
maskitheclown: (Default)

[personal profile] maskitheclown 2017-03-20 06:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Yup, my mom was a young single mom and that was very close to our relationship (when she wasn't being an abusive prick, I mean, I loved her but, issues.)

(Anonymous) 2017-03-19 09:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Nah, it's not codependent. They're just close. Friends as well as mother and daughter.

(Anonymous) 2017-03-20 05:11 am (UTC)(link)

Obviously this will not be a popular comment, but I feel like the people who are interpreting Lorelai and Rory's relationship as unhealthy and co-dependent probably just have no experience with a parent like Lorelai, who manages to be such an excellent combination of friend and parent to her daughter.

I have one parent for whom parenting and friendship seem to be ideas she finds mutually exclusive. In her mind, you have to choose one, and the one you should choose is parenting. Now that I'm an adult and she has no control over me (i.e. no power to parent me in a manner I don't appreciate) we've managed to salvage a somewhat decent relationship. But I very nearly ended up disinterested in having her in my life.

Meanwhile my father has always subscribed to the idea that being a parent to your child and being their friend are not conflicting forms of relating. He parented me in ways that were fair and respectful to my personhood, and it was rare that our friendship was strained by his parenting of me. We are best friends to this day, and happily live together as adults without struggling to respect each other's autonomy.

Incidentally, we both love Gilmore Girls (the original series, not the new episodes) and have always identified strongly with their relationship.

(Anonymous) 2017-03-20 05:31 am (UTC)(link)

yeah I agree. People think it's unhealthy because they're friendly with each other, or something??

You should watch the new eps! I hadn't watched the show since before it ended, and I enjoyed them
randomdrops: (Default)

[personal profile] randomdrops 2017-03-19 10:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Eh, I'd say it's on the border with occasional dipping of toes into the do-dependent pond. It's mostly just very close friends.

That being said, Rory was the worst part of that show. I always forget how awful she is until I re-watch. She's not that bad on her own, but if I marathon I end up raging at Rory.
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Ludger☆And at the turn of the tide)

[personal profile] alwaysbeenasmiler 2017-03-19 10:34 pm (UTC)(link)
I agree completely-- Rory is not my favorite character ever; because she's always so entitled to anything and yes she's a spoiled brat to boot. I know that her mother did nothing to nip it in the bud-- but I guess that also lies in fault with her youth when having Rory.


Gee, last time I checked, Rory's dating history wasn't so spotless either.

Best part of that show is Sookie though-- I love her so much and just always want to hug her!
randomdrops: (Default)

[personal profile] randomdrops 2017-03-19 10:37 pm (UTC)(link)
The supporting characters were hands down the best part of that show! Sookie and Luke and Lane, just everyone was so great.
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Relm☆A thirst for perfection is in every)

[personal profile] alwaysbeenasmiler 2017-03-19 10:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, they pretty much made that show what it was, and for that-- I'll probably watch it again one of these days! <3

(Anonymous) 2017-03-19 10:55 pm (UTC)(link)
I watched some episodes and yeah, the relationship is all kinds of co-dependent and unhealthy.

Also, that grandmother is fucking awful. I just couldn't get behind any of the characters.

(Anonymous) 2017-03-19 11:38 pm (UTC)(link)
I liked the show (used to watch it with my mom, it was kind of our thing!) but sometimes the characters made really bad choices. I never really thought of it as co-dependent, just people who made bad decisions a lot. Hmm. Maybe they were; I was always more appalled by (some of) their life choices.

I liked the characters but sometimes I just wanted to scream at them STOP IT YOURE BEING A MORON. :x

(Anonymous) 2017-03-20 12:08 am (UTC)(link)
I find it to be a good balance between being your child's friend and being their parent. Yes, for the most part Lorelai was laid back and their relationship could be viewed more as sisters/friends than parent/child, but she also knew when to pull the mom card and did it effectively.

(Anonymous) 2017-03-20 04:49 am (UTC)(link)
This, absolutely. I don't get the comments in this thread saying Lorelai was too much Rory's friend and not enough her mother. She was very much both, and when push came to shove we always saw that she was able to be a good parent, regardless of whether it meant alienating her daughter's affections for a while.

(Anonymous) 2017-03-20 12:38 am (UTC)(link)
Wiki says: "Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement."

I would say that they are unusually close, and that both of them make mistakes, but how are they codependent?

Parts of this show have always resonated with me because I am the more serious daughter of a "free spirit" single mother. But it didn't mean she wasn't being my parent and she wasn't clear on where those boundaries were. If OP is just going off gifs of them bantering at home, I don't think this is justified at all.