[ SECRET POST #2704 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2704 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 022 secrets from Secret Submission Post #386.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Just yesterday, someone told me that a nurse acquaintance of theirs had a patient coming in with a trout in her vagina.

[(Anonymous)]

DDDDDDDD:

[rubbertea]

ew, why would you even do that

do people lose their mind if they get too horny? idgi

[(Anonymous)]

That sounds fishy

[iceyred]

A+ comment. Bravo.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, that tops my Dick-in-a-Beer-Bottle story.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh God...

*gets popcorn ready*

I want to hear this story

[(Anonymous)]

So a friend and I are working a night shift in the Emergency Room. This guy sort of lurches in, with a shirt tied around his waist. He's looking back and forth for somebody approachable and male, sees my friend and sidles up to him.

"Hey! Hey, buddy, I need a hand here." Looks askance at me, doesn't want me to know. I shrug, hey, whatevs, I get the ladies. The guy lifts the shirt up for just my friend to see. My friend shuffles the guy over to a more private area, pulls the curtain and comes back half an hour later with the story.

There was allegedly a five car pile-up on the highway. Our hapless patient was not involved but he did get stuck in the rubbernecking traffic jam that resulted. Somewhere along the line, he needed to take a leak. Now, the traffic was tight, no room to pull over, but it wasn't quite slow enough to get away with hopping out to water the shrubs. The guy had an empty beer bottle on hand, so he decided to refill it.

While he was doing the slow cruise, one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding his beer bottle, he happened to catch sight of the people involved in the accident. One of them was a Hot Babe. A really Hot Babe. A straight out of the Playboy Mansion Hot Babe. And of course, he had the natural reaction to seeing a Hot Babe. While his dick was down the neck of a beer bottle (to avoid spillage, you know).

Of course, things being what they are and where they were, blood go in, but blood no flow back out, and so our patient was obliged to seek professional help. Which he got (amid hushed speculation that the entire story was a complete fabrication and that maybe he should just ask for a fleshlight for Christmas). The story did have to go around a bit because my friend and I are too low on the pole to make the necessary decisions alone. But there's your cautionary tale, kids. If you're going to pee in a bottle, make sure it's a wide mouthed one so if you see a sexy lady, your dick don't get stuck in the hole.

[taimoset.livejournal.com]

How the fuck do you fit your dick in a tiny-ass beer bottle?!

[(Anonymous)]

Trout? In my vagina?

It's more likely than you think.

[(Anonymous)]

LMFAO

this post is GOLD i tells ya

[diet_poison]

This had me in stitches (no pun intended) the first time I read it, and also when I re-read it a while ago.

Squick warning for general gross:

Things stuck in various body cavities in the emergency room

ETA: holy shit, THIS VIDEO that was in the comments of that article. that guy's voice. hahaha

[comma_chameleon]

As a hospital worker, I once walked past a doctor in the ER just as he said to a nurse, "I'm pretty sure that's not where flashlights go." Even without ANY context I nearly asphyxiated trying not to laugh as I kept walking.

[(Anonymous)]

LIT BOTTLE ROCKET

I'm a little disturbed that I don't even want to know, but yet I do ...

[(Anonymous)]

The best one: napkins for period sex. Dear lord.

[diet_poison]

forreal. I was like "that...doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose?" did they think that through? what did they think was going to happen? jeez

[(Anonymous)]

Well that tops the guy who live - tweeted his dildo extraction.