[ SECRET POST #2727 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2727 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.


__________________________________________________



10.


__________________________________________________



11.


__________________________________________________



12.











Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 082 secrets from Secret Submission Post #390.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

DA

"It's not "my" culture. I didn't grow up there."

I think people seriously underestimate how attached and proud Asian parents are of their home cultures. Unless your parents are an extreme exception to the norm (and they do exist, but they are extremely rare), you're going to grow up in as much of "there" as your parents can manage to bring "here," because they're typically convinced "there" is superior in terms of traditions/values/whatnot. Then they try to instill that value system in you, for as long as you live.

There wasn't even an attempt to try to get me to fit in and be American. I mean, I got sent to elementary school in an unnecessary proper uniform, I got packed proper little bento lunches, teachers always got presents and stuff because that was respectful, no matter what anybody else said about it being sucking up and culture being different here. 30 years later, my parents still don't have any friends that aren't of their race. They don't interact with any American media at all, even the news they watch is in-language channels.

I can't even think of a German equivalent to that. Can you? If you can, did you grow up in it your whole life? Is that typical of Western European immigrants like it is of Asian ones?

Just. Not all cultures are the same. The bigger the difference the more you're kind of torn in two as a kid and all along growing up. It is your culture, as much as American is, no matter how much you wish you could be just one or the other.

[(Anonymous)]

This doesn't even necessarily just relate to Asian cultures though. I grew up with parents who immigrated from Scandinavia, and even though it's not quite as extreme as your experience, there's some similarities there.

People who say that it's not your culture are asshats though. Even though I didn't grow up there, it's still a huge part of me and who I am and my cultural background.

[(Anonymous)]

They were directly comparing themselves to OP, so I was mostly responding to that specific comparison. Which was just so far apart in typical levels of assimilation that it's ridiculous. (I keep stressing "typical" because of course there are exceptions and some specific countries/areas that are more or less similar to each other. Japan/America and Germany/America though, it's not even... how are they even comparing this?)

What was growing up with Scandinavian parents like, if you don't mind answering? I'm legitimately curious

[(Anonymous)]

I'm Scandinavian but I've lived in Germany, and my experience is that your average Scandinavian has a lot stronger national identity than your average German does.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, the thing with Germans and national identity is... complicated. For obvious reasons. Nazi reasons. I'm from someplace else and grew up in Germany and still get freaked out by any displays of patriotism/national pride/nationality because it was very much not the done thing in Germany.

[(Anonymous)]

Except during the world cup. *snorts*

But yeah, I think people who claim German culture and then don't even know whether they're of Friesian or Bavarian descent are fucking hilarious.

- Azn Kid Raised The Wanky Westphalian Way

[(Anonymous)]

(anon you replied to)
When Germany hosted the world cup in 2006 there were serious debates on the extent to which displays of national pride were appropriate, but they seem to have relaxed a little since then.
And yeah, people claiming German heritage. I've only lived around the south and the people there were never German, not even Bavarian (how very dare you), but Upper-Franconian, not to be confused with the protestant bastards of Middle-Franconia. And Germany wasn't even a country until 1872, which I suspect was after most American families who call themselves German emigrated.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, I remember the uproar it caused when Köhler said he loved Germany - he didn't even say it was awesome, just that he liked it! German national identity isn't very good at doing anything except denying itself and cheering on football.

[astridv]

Whoot, Westphalians represent \o/

[(Anonymous)]

ARYT

My experience is a little like that. My parents were much more strictly disciplinarian than just about every other kid's parents I knew, and pretty much never gave out open displays of affection, but... They completely encouraged me to be as American possible? I mean, this is my home, not Germany. English is my first language. If I traveled to Europe and lived there I wouldn't be "German" to anyone, especially not actual Germans. I hear that actual Japanese people in Japan think pretty much the same of second-generation Japanese people who go there, especially if they don't speak Japanese fluently.

You can choose to identify with any culture you want, I suppose, but the people in that culture don't have to agree with your chosen identification.

[(Anonymous)]

DA
Hence the reason we have the hyphenates, you festering cock. We know we don't belong 100% in the various motherlands anymore. But that influence is still there and it will not go away. It's not up to you OR the people who never left the culture to tell us who we are.

[(Anonymous)]

How does a cock fester?

[(Anonymous)]

Untreated gonorrhea.

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt. The name-calling is kind of an over-reaction to someone relating their own experience. Seems like you have some rage issues to work out.

[(Anonymous)]

Since a lot of you don't use the hyphen - yeah, yeah it's fucking up to us.

[(Anonymous)]

My mother is as stupid proud of being Filipino as she possibly can be, thinks the Filipino in any show/movie/production/music video/organization/doctor's office/etc is superior to any other artist/worker in the same field, goes to damn near every Filipino or church-related Filipino event, befriends every Filipino that comes her way, is constantly inviting all her Filipino friends to the house, and does all but wave a Filipino flag in front of her house.

That said, none of that rubbed off on me, and I couldn't care less.

Oh, sure, when I was growing up, she made Filipino dishes and stuff, and even one time took us kids to the Philippines (it was right after my father passed away when I was very little and she wanted to be with her family). But when I was growing up, she never even offered to involve me in the events she went to, or encourage me to get involved in my own way. And it was a decent sized town, so there absolutely was a community. As a kid, I didn't learn any of the dances/rituals, wasn't taught even one of the languages, never learned anything of the culture, and I only have a vague idea of who I'm related to.

I won't lie, if there was a gathering I just happened to be at, I did feel a little left out because everyone was so familiar with each other and it was like their own secret club. I wanted so badly to be a part of it, I would "represent" myself as part Filipino. I displayed the flag. I even took it upon myself to GET OFFENDED any time someone said something about the culture that may have been mildly insensitive at worst, completely innocent and uninformed at best. Which was true, but in the end, I was more familiar with being simply American. It took me some time to accept that there was nothing wrong with me for being who I was and where I was at. I accept this is where I came from (at least partly), but it's nothing I have to cling to just to have a sense of identity. And in the future, I want any involvement in the culture to stem from a genuine interest, and not from some desperate need to be a part of something I came into by accident of birth.

sa

[(Anonymous)]

I should also add that in spite of her inability or refusal to get me involved in any part of her culture, my mother now wonders why, as an adult, I don't seem to have any interest in it. Go figure.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

There are lots of times when I'd have preferred it if my parents were as hands-off as yours. I wasn't saying that it never happens. But would you say your mother was typical or representative of asian parents in general about how she brought you up, never trying to push her culture and values on you and never encouraging you toward her culture?

Because what I've heard from almost every asian person I know is not your experience. Yeah, there were always a few people whose parents were extremely hands-off about that stuff who ended up far more Americanized than the rest, but the ratio I remember from high school was something like one out of twenty. Maybe.

[(Anonymous)]

No, the thing is that she's trying to push me into it NOW. Now, when I've already decided for myself what my identity is. It's like now she's ashamed I've decided I'm more American than Filipino, because apparently it's embarrassing to have adult Filipino children who can't speak the language and don't take part in the traditions.

It wasn't necessarily that she was hands-off. If any part of the culture leaked through, it was the church-going and education and overachieving. I experienced my share of parental narcissism. But the uniqueness of the Filipino culture, that was something I didn't take part of.