[ SECRET POST #329 ]

[degrees.livejournal.com]

⌈ Secret Post #329 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Reminder: We're going to close the secret submission post at 350, and we're nearly there, so don't forget to submit!

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #047.
Secrets Not Posted: 0 broken links, 0 not!secrets, 0 repeats.
Next Secret Post: Tomorrow, Saturday, December 1st, 2007.
Current Secret Submission Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

My initial comment was rather tongue-in-cheek, which I suppose I should have made clearer. I thought my second comment clarified that, but I guess not.

While you've specified that general "you" is in effect, neither I nor the OP said anything about hating stories. I interpreted the OP as expressing frustration with perceived OOC issues in the mentioned fics. In my book, that's not hatred. It's not even close. I can't speak to the BNF issue because I don't even know who the BNFs in my fandoms are, nor if we even have any, so you may well be right on that point.

How is venting passive-aggressive if you're neither trying to convert someone to your way of thinking nor hinting at your displeasure to the author? For some people, venting may lead to bitterness. Certainly, if you continue to dwell on it, then it does, but for some of us, just telling someone how annoyed we are about something makes that thing substantially less annoying.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, the OP certainly doesn't hate "stories". They really hate the "stotys" though. I'm not sure what "stotys" are, but I think, I think, it might be the same thing.

Rationalize it how you want, I still don't think getting together to bitch about someone behind their back really gets anything done. You are right about it making you feel better, but that's just a nicer way of saying you want to feel good about yourself by having a laugh at someone else's expense without the fear of incurring repercussions. No, I disagree, it is passive-aggressive, and it's that thing a lot of women do that I personally cannot stand.

When I talked about the specific problems with the BNF, I might have been directing my point more at the OP than at you. Your advice really doesn't help with any of the problems listed at all - least of all the one where they feel bad about not having the courage to stand up to the other person. If anything, venting will just make it worse, since once you've taken away the frustration without actually addressing the issue, there will never be any incentive to fix the problem.

[(Anonymous)]

Somehow, having read the secret several times, I missed that line until you pointed it out. I retract my comment about hate, then.

Laughing behind someone's back could arguably be called passive-aggressive (although in the case of someone you only know through their fanworks and otherwise have no contact with, I think it would be a weak argument), but ranting about someone not to their face is not the same thing. Letting off steam, at least for me, is very different than the smugly superior sort of back-biting you seem to be talking about. It's the difference between "oh my god, I cannot believe Author X wrote Character A doing Y; what's wrong with her?" and "argh; I'm so annoyed that Author X keeps writing Character A doing Y when that behavior is contraindicated by canon." The first is nasty and arguably passive-aggressive. The second is just an expression of frustration.

Whether or not this is an effective solution to the problem the OP described depends on what sort of resolution the OP is looking for. If it's important to the OP that s/he stand up to this BNF, then no, it's not a good solution. But if the OP is simply looking to be less irked by this person's writing and has reason to believe saying something might cause unwanted drama, it might be a solution, if not an ideal one.

As a slight digression, I happen to find venting to be a very effective way of getting my thoughts together before approaching someone with rational and constructive criticism. If I'm irritated enough to feel the need to rant, I generally want to get the bitchy out before I try to engage in constructive dialog. Venting also helps me pinpoint exactly what has pushed my buttons, which both helps me give more precise criticism and keeps me from being unfairly critical when I'm really just having a bad day.

This is a very interesting conversation, by the way. Thank you.