[ SECRET POST #2735 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2735 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 061 secrets from Secret Submission Post #391.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

03. http://i.imgur.com/sKF8TE7.png?1

[sarillia]

I'm sorry, anon.

That's happened to me before and it was terrible. I finally bugged my friend enough that she broke down and told me what was wrong (and confirmed that she really was ignoring me and that there wasn't some other explanation). It wasn't a very nice message but it was a lot better than the silence and confusion.

[dreemyweird]

This :(

I'm very sorry. It never happened to me, not exactly, but it's one of my worst fandom fears. It sucks balls to have this happen. Not that I have any advice for the OP, either.

I think your experience's more of an exception than a rule, too. Most people would probably never admit that they're just avoiding their former friends. But I'm glad you could get some closure.

[sarillia]

Yeah, I'm sure my experience isn't very common. We actually managed to work things out eventually. We're not as close as we used to be but we talk sometimes and it's nice. I wish I could believe that this was more common.

[(Anonymous)]

There is nothing I hate more than any form of the 'silent treatment'. Holy shit, just give me closure instead of yanking me around and making me stress over it!

[kallanda_lee]

Hmm, this is bit odd, but...are you a girl? Is there any chance he could have a girlfriend and not telling you? That cpould be a reason to not want to call but still visit your blog (dickish, but I had guy friends do shit like that after hooking up with a girl).

[(Anonymous)]

This is pretty much what I was scrolling down to say.

[(Anonymous)]

It's tough being dumped, OP, but that's what's happened.

[allkindsoffur]

Don't take it personally! These things happen, and I suspect they aren't rare either. My advice would be to give him some time, let things cool down (whatever they are) and ask again in a month or two. That strategy worked for me in a similar situation...

[visiblemarket]

I can imagine this would be painful, but honestly, it's pretty uncomfortable to tell someone you don't want to be friends with anymore. There's several people in fandom I've basically lost touch with, and after two or three messages go unanswered, that starts to be the message in itself.

[(Anonymous)]

It might be uncomfortable, but you essentially made the decision that someone else wasn't worth your time and energy, and the right thing to do is to let them know, so they don't waste their time and energy wandering what's going on.

Although, letting the "messages go unanswered" certainly sends the message that you probably weren't worth their time and energy in the first place.

[elaminator]

Sorry, OP. It sucks, but these things happen. It can be extremely difficult to bring up a topic like this, so if he didn't want to be friends anymore maybe it was easier for him to just not respond. (I know that isn't the best way of doing things though, and don't blame you for being upset, but...that might be what happened.)

Unless he has other reasons for not wanting to talk to you? (I only mention that because you say he visited your journal.) Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable talking to you right now for whatever reason, but still wants to? No way to know really, if he doesn't tell you.

But at this point I think you should just let it go, and if he gets back to you at some point that's great. If not...well, at least you tried, you know?

[(Anonymous)]

Move on with your life, OP. Let him come to you, if he wants to. If he does, you can decide then if you really need his presence in your life. If he doesn't, at least you've been out dancing.

[(Anonymous)]

would it really make you feel better for someone to say "i don't want to be friends anymore"? That would make me feel way worse.

[(Anonymous)]

I think it would. It sounds like the OP needs closure. That can be important.

[(Anonymous)]

YES. I had this happen to me in real life, spent months talking to myself apparently before my "friend" finally got angry at me and said "Don't you get the hint? I don't like you anymore!" Some friends I've had drop off the face of the earth and I'm waiting months thinking they still actually wanted to be friends. Just tell me if you don't want to be friends, even at "hey I need some space" is all it takes. Just something to let the other person know what's happening. Plus it keeps them from wasting their time with somebody who doesn't care to hear from them anymore.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes. Especially in the cases where the internet is the only way you have of contacting them. When a friend of yours suddenly stops replying, the reasons could range from "not mentally able to do this" to "dead." It would be nice to know if the reason was just "I don't want to talk to you."

[silverr]

The first thing htat popped into my mind was that he might have a new BF/GF who doesn't buy the "good friends" thing, sees you as a threat, and veto'd contact.

It sucks that this happened, and I hope that the mystery is solved someday. *hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

I don't imagine this will make it feel better OP, but... silence is letting you know. Most people won't want to have a definitive ending to a friendship, so this is what they do instead, it's called the slow fade. It sucks for the person being faded on, because you feel like you never had closure.

The thing is, closure is something you can't demand of other people, but you CAN give it to yourself. It's okay to miss this friend and feel sad about the end of the friendship, but that is all the closure you may ever get. I'm sorry, OP. :(

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, apparently I am the only person here who doesn't get bent out of shape at animal suffering >_>

In that, in disaster movies, I am actually more likely to cry over the many, many people whose lives have ended and been squandered - hell, I feel bad for the collateral-damage-cannon-fodder cops and soldiers in all the thrillers, who just exist to get mown down.

IRL I do not condone animal suffering at all, but in movies... eh.

^crap, misfire

[(Anonymous)]

:X

[(Anonymous)]

I belonged to a small community of fans, mostly female. We had a few occasional male members, but four regular men. Of those four, two hadn't told their wives that they were members of the community. One had a wife and family that he didn't tell the community about, while carrying on romantically (in an online capacity only) with several of the female members of the community.

Frankly, we weren't all that upset to see them go, but one of the guys that didn't tell his wife was contracted by the group to build us a new website. We wouldn't hear from him for months, and then we'd get an excuse, not hear from him for months, etc. This went on for over a year before we finally decided he wasn't going to do the work we were going to pay him to do.