fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2737 ]

[ SECRET POST #2737 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2737 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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When I meet someone, I either idolize them and take every word they say as gospel and then feel betrayed when they say something I disagree with, or I don't trust them at all and think everything they say is a ploy to undermine me. It's not just with people either. I see the world in black and white when I know there are grays and I'd be so much happier if I could see them. Someone please tell me how I can get over this. I'm 23 and I feel like I've only been getting worse about this as I get older rather than better.

Psychiatric diagnosis is impossible over the Internet, I'm not a trained psychiatric professional, and you should really go talk to a psychiatric professional about this.

THAT SAID... isn't that kind of similar to 'splitting', the way that Borderline Personality Disorder and things like it frequently get described?

Have you always felt this way, or is this recent?

Ack, I sympathise, anon. Personally I found that being aware that you are doing it was the first step.

How I started to change my thouht processes as by never going with my gut feeling but instead mentally unpicking everything. Forcing myself to take things with a pinch of salt.

Good luck anon.

Sometimes people who have this problem have difficulties with trusting the world and people around them. Like, the only way things make sense if they are 100% in line with the preferred continuity. Is that something that sounds familiar?

Were you abused growing up? Abused kids tend towards this kind of black and white extreme thinking.

Either way, you should look into therapy.

Well, you're aware there are grays. That's a start.

When you get overly excited about people or things, start with something small.

As an example, let's say you're looking forward to the movie adaptation of a book. Do you start off thinking it'll easily be the movie of the year and that you'll love the hell out of it, then leave the theatre wishing you'd walked out in the middle of it because at least you would've gotten your $10 back?

Lower your expectations some. I don't mean to go in expecting the movie to be a turd so that you'll be pleasantly surprised (though if it helps, you could start with that? :P), but try to remember there will be changes between the book and the movie. Whatever scene you had your heart set on seeing on the big screen may not be the same scene it was in the book, or it might not even be in the movie, period. Things like that you need to prepare yourself for. In the end, you could treat the book and movie as two separate stories, and maybe have a different love for both. (Or the movie could just stink. Some do. But it really depends. Some movies have their faithful parts and "wtf were you thinking, producer/director?" parts. You just have to prepare yourself, like I said.)

As for people... try looking at the person as an individual, not as something either black or white. Not something to be promoted to demoted on a whim. He/she will share certain qualities with others, but is first and foremost a human being, imperfect, prone to error and occasional stupidity. And it's not the end of the world if you find out his/her poop stinks.

If you find yourself going, "OMG, Kathy is the greatest, she's got the best style, she gives the best advice, she knows everything, and she has it all!" then step back a moment and ask yourself if that's a realistic assessment. I'm not saying to deliberately find fault in "Kathy" or her life, but realize she may not live to an image you have of her, or that she may have her off days too.

If someone disappoints you from the start, ask yourself if there is a real reason for you to not trust him/her. (I'm not talking about gut instincts...if someone is being a creep, then don't be afraid to be rude.) Did you disagree about something huge, or something petty, or a whole lot of petty things? Did he/she break a promise? Do you find him/her to be a jerk in general? Do you think that person is "out to get you"? Why? Then turn it around on yourself. How would you feel if someone used any of the above as a dealbreaker in your friendship?

tl;dr- Keep your expectations realistic. Rein in those wild emotions before they make assessments for you, and try to accept the person or thing for what he/she/it is.

I'm 23

Give it ten years. Really, I promise. It's something to do with the development of the adult brain. (And why, as you get older, and lose your brain cells, sometimes you can revert back to black and white thinking.) Sucks, but there it is.

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[ SECRET POST #2737 ]

I have a problem with middle ground.

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