fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2738 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2738 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02.

[Wizards vs. Aliens]

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03.

[Hayao Miyazaki]

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04.

[Dragon Age Inquisition]

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[Sarah Michelle Gellar and Lena Horne]

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[Girl Genius]

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[Dark Souls]

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08.

[TRON: Legacy]

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[Phantom of the Opera]

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10.

[Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas]

Notes:

Big thunderstorm here, hoping the power stays up. Early to be safe!

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #391.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I have a jealousy problem. I tend to become jealous of what other people have very easily. And I can deal with it when someone has something I want but doesn't want it themselves. I can also deal with it when someone has something I want and is very happy about it. But what I can't stomach is when someone has what I want and denies that they have it. For instance:

"Even if internet fame has its downsides, I still envy you for having it."
"I'm not really famous. I only have about eight thousand followers."
"..."

Yeah, and I have twelve, douchenozzle*. Not twelve thousand. Twelve. Weren't you JUST talking about a recent post that got up to a hundred thousand notes and is still going? The most I've ever had is twenty, unless you count the one YOU reblogged. And out of the seven hundred notes on it, exactly zero of those people started to follow me.

(Don't get me wrong, I'm not out to ride his coat-tails, I care for him as a person whether he reblogs my items or not, but it was a tad bit annoying to gain no attention of my own in that one scenario.)

*Point in fact, the people involved are usually not douchenozzles, and are often my good friends, but ugh. That denial gets my goat.

Have you always had this? I'm like the opposite, I don't get jealous easily at all. I mean, yeah, sometimes I wish I could have what other have (but it's more achievement-driven than possession-driven). I can sort of see what you're saying with the followers, but then I don't begrudge them the thing, I just try to find ways to achieve it, I guess.

Yes, all my life.

And yes, it is almost always either achievements, talents, or traits for me. I don't often get jealous over possessions. That may be because I have all I need.

Hmm, do you see ways in which you could channel it to be positive instead of negative (i.e. motivation to achieve that, not envy?)

It discourages me instead of encouraging me. When I see someone who is better or luckier than me, I feel as if I shouldn't even try, because I'll never achieve their level, and my own isn't good enough now that I see theirs.

I'm not a shrink, but it sounds to me like other people's success feeds/triggers your insecurities?So maybe the trick is to work on that and the jealousy might lessen?

It does, but I don't know how to work on that.

Set small achievement goal for yourself, and see that you CAN do some of the stuff you want?

I'll never be satisfied until I have exactly what they have, and I know that I'll never reach that point. Because I can't, I'll never be happy with what I can do.

Well

a) why do you feel you can't and

b) why does it have to be exactly what they have - why can't it be your own thing?

Because

a) isn't it obvious that there are so many talents and traits and life circumstances that I wasn't born with?

b) what they have is what I want, if I didn't, I wouldn't be jealous.

But my point is there could be talents you WERE born with, just not the identical talents that they have?

I wasn't, and even if I was, everyone wants to be good at some things and doesn't care about being good at other things.

Well, what do you want to be good at?

You'd be surprised at how little being born with a talent matters compared to just putting a lot of effort into something.

Nobody is born a writer or an artist or an athlete. They all have to work for it. It just takes some people longer than others.

I think people feel awkward about compliments, or maybe awkward about what are arguably non-accomplishments like tumblr followers, so they indulge in a bit of false modesty about it. It doesn't work, but often people don't know how to handle it any other way.

I sort of feel that way, except it's about things that I don't want, but feel like I SHOULD want. For example, another of my friends just had a baby, and it makes me feel awful. Maybe jealous isn't the right word, but I never want kids and family members are always bugging me about when I'm going to get married and have kids, so my friends having kids just makes me feel like even more of a failure. It sucks.

Sounds more like an issue with expressed humility that is possibly fake and not so much jealousy, but that's just me.

And when someone has the attitude "Oh, it's nothing" when it clearly is something to you, I can see how it might feel like an insult.

[ SECRET POST #2738 ]

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