[ SECRET POST #2746 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2746 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 024 secrets from Secret Submission Post #392.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

advice about dating?

[(Anonymous)]

so I actually have a date with a guy on Saturday. We're going out to dinner in the city he lives in (about an hour from where I live but I was already going to be there to visit my parents), and I'm looking forward to it.

the problem is, at the end of the night, I have no idea how to indicate "this was awesome, I definitely want to keep dating, but nothing additional is happening tonight." The only previous date I've ever had was kind of a disaster (we went to his place for movies, it ended up with really bad sex. grad school is not the ideal environment for starting dating, let's just say), so experience is zero help there. Can I just say, "hey this was awesome, let's do something next weekend, but I have to get home before I start to fall asleep on the highway?"

also I'm pretty sure I'm overreacting about this, you don't need to tell me that, but I'm fucking 26 and this is the second dude I have ever dated and I am wildly out of my depth. Any advice would be helpful.

Re: advice about dating?

[(Anonymous)]

If you're having a good time, you can plant suggestion for additional dates throughout the dinner. If you like a movie he hasn't seen, you could say "Well, maybe we could check it out sometime.", stuff like that.

As to the end of the evening, just act as though you naturally expect things to end on a pleasant but no-pressure note. You might say "I need to get home soon, so we should make plans for when we want to do this again." or something to that effect. If he asks you to come to his place or vice versa, a simple "Not tonight." ought to be fine.

If he starts putting a lot of pressure on you or getting angry, that's a separate problem, but there's no reason to assume he's like that.

Re: advice about dating?

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I know how to shut down dickbags, that's not the problem. The problem is I don't now how to say "yes, but not now."

Thanks for the advice. The last time we met up he actually mentioned being jealous of me getting to see a certain band--and they're going to be in town and there's still tickets, so I'll suggest that.

Re: advice about dating?

[othellia]

Suggesting meeting up again/scheduling it before the first date is even done is pretty much the definition of "yes but not now".

Re: advice about dating?

[(Anonymous)]

well goodnight I am looking forward to our next date!

Re: advice about dating?

[diet_poison]

What you said is fine. Just, "I enjoyed this, and let's do it again! I need to get home while I can still drive, though!". You can also make suggestions for the next date.

And honestly, if he is the kind of dude who will pressure you into sex you don't want, he's not worth keeping around anyway.

Good luck and I hope your date is really fun!

Re: advice about dating?

[(Anonymous)]

I think something low key like you would say after ending a night out with a friend would work. "I've got to get going, but I had a lot of fun. Would you like to do something next weekend?"

Re: advice about dating?

[cbrachyrhynchos]

"This was awesome. I have to drive home. I'd like to do this again. What are you doing next weekend?"