fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2749 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2749 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So the other day there was an impressive thunder storm occurring overhead.
I thought "This is my chance. This is a perfect opportunity" and decided to go for a walk.
Apropo: I have consistent suicidal thoughts and my thought process at this point was very definitely "Come on Thor, you big Nordic bastard give me your best shot". My thinking was along the lines of how I don't have the courage to do anything decisive myself, but this would take the matter out of my hands. Either I survive, or I don't.
Now I survived, clearly. The odds were not on my side for such a plan, but now I'm wondering. Would that have counted as suicide? My family would have thought me an idiot, but would they have blamed me? Considered me selfish? If heaven does have a "No Suicides" rule, would I have loop holed. What about other stupid risky actions that could be potentially life threatening? What about taking up free running, or parachuting? bungie jumping for charity? becoming a vigilante? Something like that? I die, but I do a bit of good. Would that count as suicide?
How would my family feel about my death in such a circumstance?

If you are trying to kill yourself by doing it, then I think it would count as suicide.

Lightning is a pretty bad way to try to take yourself out even if you do get hit, fyi. Lots and lots of people survive lightning strikes.

Oh, hey, I do this too. Thunderstorms, night walks, stuff like that. I think tempting fate is a gray area... I guess, if you believe in the sort of heaven that would judge you for the intentions in your heart, it'd be a suicide. No loopholes there.

I don't know how your family would react - no one here could tell you, they don't know your family - but I think mine would be comforted by an "accident" more than a straight suicide.

Even if you just plain off yourself, though, if you're an organ donor then you'd probably do some good without risk-taking. But, uh, you know, suicidal people who survive deadly falls talk about how they changed their minds in midair. Get close enough to death, your survival instinct gets a jolt like a defibrillator. And if it matters enough to you that your death do some good in the world, then you probably do care about it enough to stick around and volunteer. You're worth more alive than dead that way, especially if you have the means to be doing things like free running or parachuting. Or rock climbing. What kind of charity would you be bungee jumping for?

this is a good comment

Yes, this.

Honestly the thing that scared me off suicide the most was actually trying, so I can totally see the changing your mind mid-air. It chills my bones just to think about it, really. I didn't change my mind, but I could feel something very basic, primal reacting against it. Survival instinct is one hell of a thing.

It's always sort of tricky to tell suicidal people to just volunteer, because often they feel they can't really help themselves, let alone others. But, there are ways to turn destructive energy into something constructive once you can take a step back.

Yeah, it's very primal stuff. It's like a slow death, if only in our minds - the fall doesn't technically last long, but time stretches. Even if you don't change your mind, there's the anticipation to deal with.

I thought about saying more about volunteering, but cut back because I didn't want to assume about what kind of cause speaks to them. I know what you mean about how it sounds almost too easy, but I've been volunteering at a local animal shelter for over three years. It was something I kind of almost fell into doing, but even without being a deliberate thing it's been satisfying and helpful. It's just true that it can help you feel you're not useless, or like there's a net gain.

Well my first thought is that most of the stuff you listed is actually not that risky and is safer than driving a car.

My second thought is that unless everyone in your family is a giant turd, they WILL still be hurt and upset if you die unexpectedly, even if the atmosphere would be different than if you killed yourself.

My third thought, and I'm sure you've heard it but I'm going to say it again, is that I sincerely hope you get some help for whatever it is that is driving you to this point. I'm an ear to listen if you need one, anon.

There's a reason they call "ideas" like yours passive suicidal ideation.

You still want to die, but don't want to do it by your own hand directly. It covers like wanting a bolt out of the blue to hit you. Now I'm not going to claim to be religious anymore, but I believe that since God knows what is in our minds and hearts, He would know that you purposely went out in that storm to try and end your life. So nope, no free pass.

Doing something life threatening for a thrill, or purely to do good/get kudos is a far different things from doing life threatening things in hopes that you'll die.

Either way, whether it's suicide or an accident, your family would be devastated. Because either way, you're dead. Even with an accident, you may not get off blameless, because there will be family members who say, "if she/he hadn't done INSERT FOOLISH THING HERE, they would still be here!". This happens even when something truly was a freak accident.

No get out of jail free cards, OP. That's part of what keeps me going to therapy and taking my meds.

[ SECRET POST #2749 ]

Re: TW Suicide

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