fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2770 ]

[ SECRET POST #2770 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2770 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Procrastination, as always.

yep

And I hate myself for it every damn time.

I have progressed(?) from self-hate to sheer apathy. I have no idea if this is better or worse. It is what it is.

It's funny because I went from apathy to having anxiety about shit I don't get done.

I have such mixed feeling about it. It seems with me it's always either/or. And my anxious/full emotional self cannot bear the idea of apathy, and my apathetic self fears the high emotional states. But, I do get more shit done in non-apathy mode. It's just that the downside is I get shit done sometimes even if it's self-destructive (like pulling all-nighters and that shit).

So now I'm basically hating myself for years of being less-than-productive, it's like I woke up another person again a few months ago. And lord I wish there wasn't an "again" in that sentence.

AYRT

Totally feel you, man. I was reading "Reddit's advice to kids in their 20s" and it depressed me to no end....I haven't even done anything on that list, and I am....NOT twenty-something. Not even remotely.

On the other hand, big picture, things are looking okay. Which is just about all that keeps me going, most days. Doesn't help that I'm the type of perfectionist who, if I can't do it right the first time, I don't bother doing it at all...though I'm better than I was when I was younger, I am definitely starting to go downhill into the bad procrastinatory habits of my youth again...and I can't pull all-nighters to solve my issues, because then I'll just get sick. (And I'm working full-time, so an all-nighter would not be conducive to my productivity at work.)

Big picture, things are okay. But I did not get one bit of what I was supposed to, done today. :-P In the long run, it's not like things are so drastically far gone, the house is falling down around me (yet) though. I have been pushing myself a little more and more each day, but it's been a long, slow, crawl....At least it's an upward trend?

IDK, man. I hope some of my rambling musings help you out.

I'm glad my initial ramblings didn't scare you off! I dunno, it's like I know there's other people who feel this way, but so many of my r/l friends are at very different life phases. Or, they just don't mind having stagnant lives. Or are lying about it. It's just hard to talk with people about this.

In my case. Big picture: thing aren't really okay, but I'm hanging on. It's just a precious balance and I'm so tired of surviving and not living. And in my case procrastination just flows into avoidance behavior of things I don't want to face.

There's an upward movement, too, since January, but it's slow and shit keeps getting thrown in my life path. Anyway, nice talking to you - hope it gets better for you, soon, too.

Yes, same to you -- sorry to hear big picture things are not okay. I know, for me, it seems sooooo slow in the improvement (I was seriously ill six months ago, and am very frustrated that I'm not bouncing back as fast as I did when I was younger), but patience being a virtue that is not one of mine, sometimes I get in a "I am never going to get out of this/what am I doing with my life" headspace.

The only thing I found that works for me (YMMV, take with two tablespoons of salt, etc) is doing one small thing, even if it's something simple, sweeping behind a chair I haven't moved in a while, or not leaving orphaned dishes (cup, snack bowl) in the sink before I go to bed. I know it doesn't seem like much, but as long as I do one thing that seems even remotely productive, I feel like I'm slowly chipping away at the huge mountain, y'know? A chunk at a time. Even though I am not getting any younger (and if the last year is any indication, I will not be aging well, as a PWD), and I likely won't get the mountain reduced to rubble by the time I shuffle off this mortal coil...I might have at least chipped away at it enough to have made a difference.

Or so I delude myself. Hah. But, yeah, you're definitely not alone. Thanks for the chat/commiseration. Here's to things slowly getting better for us both, bit by tiny bit.

The doing small things works for me too, it's just that I'm behind on so many things it's just a drop in the ocean. And then life throws something at me and my schedule gets disrupted and I don't do what I planned that day. Ah well, we'll see how it goes.

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