[ SECRET POST #2793 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2793 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 036 secrets from Secret Submission Post #399.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

That's probably a good description. I have to be not necessarily the best, but much better than I think I have the potential to be, because of my disabilities. Noise isn't so much a problem, but the environment...I don't do well in unsupportive environments, like the one between a boss and an employee, or places where I have to cater to people who don't understand my limits, like customers or clients, or places where I have little to no instruction and have to figure things out, which I can't do, or ones where I have to do a lot quickly, and I can't do that...I can't steer my studies anywhere, it's far too late to change anything and it would be way too stressful even if I did have time, to try and overhaul everything while ensuring I could still handle it (my program of study right now is geared towards what I can take, and only that, no other priorities are nearly as big).

My parents believe I have anxiety but they are so good at life that they can't comprehend someone who's as bad at it as I am. They tell me they expect this *puts hand up at head height*, and that I'm giving them this *puts hand at waist height*, and that they're willing to compromise if I'm willing to give them this *puts hand at chest height*, but chest height is way too much for me and waist height is the absolute best I can do and I'm hurting myself by doing even that much. My best is far below the world's worst and they can't accept that.

And everything authority figures say that contradicts their opinions goes in one ear and out the other, so that the people think they're listening and assume things are better now, but they aren't.

Re: *sobs*

[kallanda_lee]

Okay, can I ask what you're studying to get an idea what your options are?

It also sounds like you could do with someone (not an authority figure) who helps you with structure (I struggle with this too). Could you counselor or perhaps a friend help with this?

And yeah, I can see how your parents are a problem. Even if they intellectually understand you have anxiety, they don't see they're making it worse.

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

It doesn't matter what I'm studying in the end, because I don't retain any of it after the final exam or paper is turned in. I honestly don't. I'm studying philosophy, though. It's the only thing I seem to be able to get enough of a hang on to not feel like I'm being buried alive, even though I know it's never going to help me get a job, if I become able (or flat-out desperate enough) to search for one.

Re: *sobs*

[kallanda_lee]

You just sounds like you need help badly, anon. and I do not mean that in a bad way. But you just sound like you're drowning and instead of help people are pushing you under the surface. You are likely not retaining because there are levels of anxiety that put you into fight and flight mode and that messes with your ability to learn. Anxiety will specifically disrupt your ability to concentrate and your short-term- memory - and hey, guess what you need for studying?

Look at these symptoms: http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms/short-term-memory-impairment.shtml

Hell, it even caused long-term memory issues in my particular case, brains are weird things.

Ideally, you'd be able to take a sabbatical to just work on YOU, but if your parents won't allow it, try to find someone or something to help you with the anxiety - a psychologist, or just a self-help group if you do not trust authority figures, but something. Try to somehow find a safehaven - a place you can go to, alone or with someone you trust, where you re free from your parents and school stuff. And that you can return to in your mind if you're stressed. Good luck, in any case, in my case I ended up having to leave regular education to break that cycle, so I'm unsure how to break it from the inside. Good luck, anon, it sounds like you need to catch a break.