fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2794 ]

[ SECRET POST #2794 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2794 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 022 secrets from Secret Submission Post #399.
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Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Have you ever walked away from your family because you just couldn't take it anymore? Did you regret it or was it the best decision uyou ever made?

I don't talk to my grandmother anymore, and I don't regret it in the slightest. She's always been super critical and rather mean and grudgy (she stopped talking to her sister 20 years ago and didn't go to the funeral), but I could handle that. I just got tired of her going off on offensive, racist, sexist, homophobic rants every time I was near her. She's from the southern US and she says the most horrifying things. I just couldn't deal with it anymore.

I can handle quite a lot. It isn't like I agree with the rest of my family on everything. But she says stuff that genuinely makes me feel sick and embarrassed to be related to her.

Yes. I have nothing to do with my father and it was the wisest, healthiest thing I could have done.

Yeah, my brother. We still have to see each other at family functions but that is it.

Sometimes I wish I could, but if I do who are then gonna keep track of them?

Why does anyone need to keep track of them? Let them take care of themselves (unless they're underage or have a mental disability and need help).

I think it is one of those, if you don't live it you will never understand it situations, but:

My mother is seriously mentally ill, so is my aunt and two of my uncles, I have cousins who need my support as they aren't getting it from their parents and I have a little sister who only has me left of her biological family... I can't cut them off, I will never cut them off, I will just move as far away as humanly possible.

But really it mostly consists of talking on the phone with them* (mostly my mother) and trying to nudge them into getting whatever help they need, making sure none of them have drunk themselves to death (or taken an overdose), whom is in prison so I know they are relatively safe and who is arguing with who at any given moment so I know what I can and can't say.

*As the moving as far away as humanly possible has already begun and I am 6 hours away...

Yeah, that's so. I can understand wanting to support your cousins and sister, that's something i would want to do. Sorry you have to deal with so much drama and stress, but i'm glad you're not 'run here and help me!' close.

I have lived my whole life like this, I have 24 years of experience, at least now I am old enough to understand.

I also genuinely love my mother, aunts and uncles, when they aren't too sick they are a lot of fun to be around. They are the nicest, most generous people I know.

But when things go to hell they tend to go seriously to hell, like SeaKing 'choppers looking in the water for your aunt kind of going to hell.

My mother sometimes lives with me, which is draining, but it helps on my being a poor student situation so there is that?

Yes.

I still feel odd and faintly envious when I hear about happy families.

I have a friend who probably should disown her family. This friend's super screwed up and they're a big part of why.

Yes. My mother and stepfather. I have not seen nor spoken to them in years. I do not ask other family members how they are and I cut people off if they try to give me any information about them, their health, or anything else. I have absolutely, positively no interest in anything having to do with them.
BEST DECISION EVER.

Seriously. I'm not even sure if I'll attend their funerals.

My aunt is severely mentally ill, doesn't trust anyone who wants her to get treatment, can't hold down a job, and feels no compunctions about leeching off of anyone who'll give her charity. My mother did everything she could to support her.

I'm not sure what set my aunt off, but for some reason, she left a phone message saying "You are not my sister! I don't have any family!" As usual for her outbursts, she had no memory of doing this afterwards, but my mother sure remembered it, and she's no longer supporting my aunt.

I'm not actually sure where my aunt is now. The last I heard, she was leeching off a kindly retired pastor. My mother seems much happier now, at least.

Edited 2014-08-28 01:57 (UTC)

Warning: This is tl;dr and definitely an annoying and possibly triggery rant (abuse)

I've definitely been drifting quite a bit. All my grandparents and my father are dead, I barely speak to my brother even though there's no real reason not to (I'm not holding some childhood grudge or anything), and I'm slowly pushing for more and more time between the times I actually have to talk to or see my mother. The only aunt and uncle I've seen more than once are retired and halfway across the country. I barely speak to them, not because they've done anything rotten, but because my situation's just a bit fucked up.

Some days I beat myself up over the fact that I can't bring myself to spend any time with my mother without having a damn near panic attack. She was so fucking abusive in multiple ways, committed emotional incest and overshared way too many times, insulted my father's memory to my face and then repeatedly told me I was "just like him" (sometimes in an ironic way), broke my trust in family and other people, never took responsibility for herself and took advantage of the fact that my brother and I were "her children" so that we had to do things "for family." Yeah, for family. She's one of the reasons I didn't keep in touch with my aunt and uncle, stupid as that is. She would always go "THEY'RE YOUR AUNT AND UNCLE, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO LIVE FOREVER, YOU SHOULD TELL THEM STUFF AND VISIT THEM" and make me feel like shit that I didn't talk to them on certain days. Which in turn just made me want to do the opposite and distance myself. She would give me shit for not calling my uncle on Father's Day. My UNCLE. A MAN WHO DIDN'T RAISE ME. Sure, it would have been a nice gesture, but if she wanted so badly for me to celebrate Father's Day, she probably should have given me a father for me to celebrate.

I don't mean to be hard on her, but she's such a narcissistic, hypocritical, irresponsible drama queen who can only exist if she can judge other people and make them feel like shit. Especially family. Because family is so important. Which is why she moved halfway across the world to get the fuck away from her own family. They're that important.

She never really has anything nice to say unless it's backhanded, or if she sees an opportunity to benefit from something good that's happening to me. I stopped sharing anything with her when I realized that every little thing I told her was going to end up with her making it a negative about me. Talk about the weather? Oh, gee, daughter, why didn't you back the car out of the garage if you knew it was going to rain? Tell her about my new job? How come you didn't get *that* job instead? You would have gotten that job if you had a better degree, what's the mater with you? Invite her to see a new movie? Oh, I hear that's a great story and that's my favorite actor and it's a happy ending UNLIKE YOUR LIFE, WHY DON'T YOU FIND A MAN ALREADY AND SETTLE DOWN, IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GET MARRIED. COME TO THE CHURCH AND FIND A MATE, THERE ARE SO MANY SINGLE MEN. That kind of shit.

And that's just the tip of the crazy. It makes me sick to my stomach to have to be around her, to have to talk to her. Even when I get a text from her, it fills me with dread. I don't want to fucking deal with her at all. She's so disgusting and she has a lot of nerve to think she gets to reap the benefits of a healthy familial relationship without ever having made a real effort at one.

Oh yeah, and she's back at church now, trying to save my heathen soul for having no desire to attend mass. And I'm an asshole for not throwing forgiveness at her because she's decided she's "invested" in our relationship now, so whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy won't I give her what she wants?!

The sad part is, I am capable of forgiveness. I'm just less inclined when the person in question is still finding ways to abuse me, and doesn't respect me or my wishes. I still feel like an asshole for not trusting people, even the supposedly non-crazy ones in my family. It's a struggle trying not to let one crazy bitch ruin your relationships, even years down the road.

So yeah, I'm in between. I don't know what I'm waiting for, honestly. Support from friends I don't know how to make, being officially disowned for not being the daughter she wants, finally finding the guts within myself to stand up and tell her to fuck off forever or at least to stop bothering me all the time, I don't know. I'm so sick of the societal belief that "BUT IT'S YOUR FAMILY" because people who have never experienced "that family" have no fucking goddamn idea. Just. no.

My step sister tried to "disown" us - but honestly, the crazy was with her, not us. After a year or so, she came back and cooled down a lot, but when she left she made a huge dramatic scene, was terrible and offensive, and invented all of this bullshit to make herself seem like a victim. I was so offended at the time, I was like, good riddance... but hey, I'm glad she's back and I love her, hopefully she's matured a bit (I really think for the most part she has).

Just my uncle. Best decision I ever made, though.

The problem is my family members disowning each other. *sigh* Or, you know, just acting weirdly...

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[ SECRET POST #2794 ]

Disowning your family

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