Inspired by a recent situation in which I was talking about work, and someone commented that it sounded like one of my bosses and one of my coworkers were being passive-aggressive with me. That confused the hell out of me because I always thought they were perfectly nice - the boss is just as introverted and socially awkward as I am and kind of a perfectionist at times, and as such corrects us on smaller details frequently (and given that we're a major tourist destination, it's pretty justifiable, too). Meanwhile, one of my coworkers has made a few mistakes that led to both of us getting written up, but seeing as those mistakes were all in the same 'area' (namely mixing up times for things), I never saw it as any kind of attempt to sabotage me - just someone who doesn't do well with clocks when they're in a rush or under pressure (same way I don't always do well with small talk with customers, we all have our weak points).
I was thinking about that, ended up being reminded of an old thread in fandom way, way back, where someone mentioned having replied to an annoying review with a very passive-aggressive reply, but when I looked at it, it seemed perfectly nice to me - which surprised the person who left it, as they were definitely being "maliciously polite".
I've also had incidents in the past where people would say that someone was being passive-aggressive to me, when I thought they were being perfectly nice. Similarly, I've been called passive-aggressive in situations where I was just being a little overly-formal but otherwise polite, both in real life and online. I don't do passive-aggressive (I just do aggressive-aggressive), so this always confuses the hell out of me.
What exactly is passive-aggressive, and why bother doing it if you intend for both you and the 'receiving' party to know that there is malicious intent on your part? How do you tell it apart from being polite or formal or whatever? Because apparently I don't know how to tell apart passive-aggressive for formal/polite, unless "any form of criticism or negative comment is passive-aggressive", which...how do you criticize someone without being passive-aggressive, if you mean well/just have to correct them as part of a related duty or whatever (i.e. work, editing, etc.)?
How do you define passive aggressive?
I was thinking about that, ended up being reminded of an old thread in fandom way, way back, where someone mentioned having replied to an annoying review with a very passive-aggressive reply, but when I looked at it, it seemed perfectly nice to me - which surprised the person who left it, as they were definitely being "maliciously polite".
I've also had incidents in the past where people would say that someone was being passive-aggressive to me, when I thought they were being perfectly nice. Similarly, I've been called passive-aggressive in situations where I was just being a little overly-formal but otherwise polite, both in real life and online. I don't do passive-aggressive (I just do aggressive-aggressive), so this always confuses the hell out of me.
What exactly is passive-aggressive, and why bother doing it if you intend for both you and the 'receiving' party to know that there is malicious intent on your part? How do you tell it apart from being polite or formal or whatever? Because apparently I don't know how to tell apart passive-aggressive for formal/polite, unless "any form of criticism or negative comment is passive-aggressive", which...how do you criticize someone without being passive-aggressive, if you mean well/just have to correct them as part of a related duty or whatever (i.e. work, editing, etc.)?
I am so confused, right now.