I don't think that OP of this subthread was saying that they can't imagine someone feeling romantic tenderness towards another woman; just that they can't imagine what feeling that kind of romantic tenderness towards another woman themselves is like. You can relate it to your own feelings but that's not the same as sharing them.

To use your example, you could imagine the kind of enjoyment a gin drinker gets out of drinking, and make the (reasonable and probably correct) assumption that it's very similar to the kind of enjoyment that you have for bourbon. But you couldn't feel that way about gin, and if you were trying to imagine the experience of drinking gin and feeling that kind of enjoyment about gin instead of bourbon, I think it's reasonable to say that there might be a disconnect. So, like, I can make a reasonable assumption that the romantic feelings someone has for a woman are similar to my own romantic feelings. But I don't think I can really imagine them; all I'm really doing is substituting my own existing romantic feelings, and when I really try to envision having those feelings for a woman, there's a disconnect somewhere along the line.

i guess i'm kind of saying that it's a difference between an intellectual and an emotional understanding.