I wish you could see how frantically I am nodding along with everything you're saying here. I agree emphatically. All the adverbs are happening here.
I get that OP doesn't like characters that she can't relate to but there is a difference between not being able to relate to a character because you don't share their choices (e.g., seek love) or sexual orientation (or race, religion) and saying that just because you don't like something then it must be universally wrong and deserving hate by default. Or that other women have to relate to the same things you relate to.
This is the part that's getting to me the most and the reason I think that I just don't need to engage about this issue anymore.
I have noticed that fandom spaces tend to be disproportionately filled with people who are not interested in women being depicted in romantic relationships in media. Although such statements may exist out there in the ether, I have never seen a male character derided for being just a love interest or just a father or just a husband (outside of the comments made specifically to me in this thread), but I routinely see women called out for being *mere* love interests, *mere* mothers, *mere* wives all the time.
And referring back to my comment about Uhura, if Scotty did fall in love with a nice Andorian, fandom would never call him a mere love interest, even though his screen time, importance to the plot and what we've learned about his personal life is on par with Uhura who is called such all the time.
I do not think that someone has to pursue a romantic relationship in order to live a meaningful, happy, and fulfilled life. Same goes for having children. I think there's valid criticism to be made for the dearth of media in which nobody pursues a romantic relationship. I am all for protagonists who do not pursue romantic relationships.
However, many people in RL pursue romantic relationships. It's a fairly common thing for people to do which is why it's commonly depicted in media. And at a certain point when I've read chorus after chorus of *mere* female love interest, I start to feel like these people must consider ME a *mere* female love interest in my own life story. Being a wife and a mother is a huge part of my identity. They aren't the only components: I have a career and hobbies and friends and other family members. But a significant part of my life every day is devoted to my romantic relationship and the children that resulted from that relationship. And when I see female characters dismissed over and over again for making similar choices, it really, really rankles.
I don't know if part of it is I'm hanging out in places that skew really young and are full of people who are at a point in their lives when they don't want to pursue romantic relationships--if you haven't had one before, maybe it truly isn't clear how much of your life that kind of relationship touches and that it isn't psychologically unhealthy for your romantic relationship to be an integral part of your identity.
no subject
I get that OP doesn't like characters that she can't relate to but there is a difference between not being able to relate to a character because you don't share their choices (e.g., seek love) or sexual orientation (or race, religion) and saying that just because you don't like something then it must be universally wrong and deserving hate by default. Or that other women have to relate to the same things you relate to.
This is the part that's getting to me the most and the reason I think that I just don't need to engage about this issue anymore.
I have noticed that fandom spaces tend to be disproportionately filled with people who are not interested in women being depicted in romantic relationships in media. Although such statements may exist out there in the ether, I have never seen a male character derided for being just a love interest or just a father or just a husband (outside of the comments made specifically to me in this thread), but I routinely see women called out for being *mere* love interests, *mere* mothers, *mere* wives all the time.
And referring back to my comment about Uhura, if Scotty did fall in love with a nice Andorian, fandom would never call him a mere love interest, even though his screen time, importance to the plot and what we've learned about his personal life is on par with Uhura who is called such all the time.
I do not think that someone has to pursue a romantic relationship in order to live a meaningful, happy, and fulfilled life. Same goes for having children. I think there's valid criticism to be made for the dearth of media in which nobody pursues a romantic relationship. I am all for protagonists who do not pursue romantic relationships.
However, many people in RL pursue romantic relationships. It's a fairly common thing for people to do which is why it's commonly depicted in media. And at a certain point when I've read chorus after chorus of *mere* female love interest, I start to feel like these people must consider ME a *mere* female love interest in my own life story. Being a wife and a mother is a huge part of my identity. They aren't the only components: I have a career and hobbies and friends and other family members. But a significant part of my life every day is devoted to my romantic relationship and the children that resulted from that relationship. And when I see female characters dismissed over and over again for making similar choices, it really, really rankles.
I don't know if part of it is I'm hanging out in places that skew really young and are full of people who are at a point in their lives when they don't want to pursue romantic relationships--if you haven't had one before, maybe it truly isn't clear how much of your life that kind of relationship touches and that it isn't psychologically unhealthy for your romantic relationship to be an integral part of your identity.
IDK
Anyway, thanks for talking with me.