fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2862 ]

[ SECRET POST #2862 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2862 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I generally agree but I think exceptions can be made. Like if they divorced because their partner cheated on them. Or if they divorced because their partner was abusive, some kind of criminal, etc

AYRT

This is my point about due diligence. If they couldn't read/spot the signs until the point where they actually married the other party (and stayed in the marriage), that's a failing on their part. From my perspective, if they were at all unhappy with me, they might stay stuck in regardless, and just make both of us miserable. As one example.

Per your examples: They picked someone who cheated on them? Very poor judge of character. Abusive situation? If they split the first time the abuser tried anything, then yeah, okay, but see above, about getting to the point where you still marry the other party, despite great big flashy neon warning signs over their head.

ayrt

That assumes people stay the same forever and ever and are set in stone as soon as they're married, and that there's some finite limit of unchangeable "true" personality that you can uncover before marriage.

What if the spouse develops a disorder and changes completely? What if the spouse beings drinking heavily when they never drank before, and gets destructive, if not abusive? What if the spouse gets caught up in illegal activity through being blackmailed or coerced at a new job at a new company, they never had before? etc

A "disorder that causes someone to change completely" doesn't exist. Various mental disorders that can be masked, to one extent or another, do exist, but those afflicted certainly don't change, they just seem to. Same with "sudden" heavy drinking; Real Life(tm) doesn't work that way. And isn't your last example from Breaking Bad?!

(AYRT BTW)

ayrt

I don't watch Breaking Bad, so idk what you're referencing or if that was sarcasm or what, sorry.

You have a very, very rosy view of Real Life(tm), nonny. Good luck in your endeavors and I hope no bad things caused by outside forces happen to you or your spouse.

Yes, those disorders do actually exist. One of them is called post-traumatic stress disorder. You might have heard of it.

I hope whomever you get involved with never experiences any traumatic events after they enter into a relationship with you, because man, won't they just feel great when you leave them?

Schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and major depression can all change a person dramatically, and adult onset is not at all unheard of. Trauma response can change a person dramatically, and adult onset is pretty damn common. Brain tumors can change a person dramatically, and they are frequently diagnosed in adulthood. Brain damage can change a person dramatically, can hit anyone, and is completely impossible to predict.

You're incredibly ignorant, and hopefully incredibly young.

From the things they've said, I'm pretty sure they're a troll.

You sound like you've never been in a relationship. Or had to deal with the real world at all.

AYRT

You sound like you're twelve. Or have zero reading comprehension whatsoever.

I was right.

...wow. You are a legitimately terrible human being, and I hope no one ever marries you, because, as you say, they'd be a terrible judge of character do so.

I'm pretty sure this is a troll, but in case you really are just lucky and naive enough to not experience any of these yourself, there's a reason why a lot of people in abusive situations don't pick up on the signs. Truth is, many abusers hide their abusive tendencies until it is too late. As in, until after they're walking down the aisle, it's all still the honeymoon phase. So no, there is no real warning beforehand for the person stuck in this problem.

There's still also the mindset about how emotional abuse is A-Okay with people and that victims are just "too sensitive". Therefore you have the abuser's friends and family members telling the victim that all these destructive actions are normal, and maybe even having the victim's own friends and family members agreeing depending on how manipulative the abuser is. Even though emotional abuse can be equally as destructive as physical abuse and also can be the first signs to escalating to physical and sexual abuse as well.

It's never all cut and dry, anon. A victim finally seeing their abuser for what they are should never be shamed for not leaving sooner.

You sound like my mother.

That wasn't a compliment.

She's one of those obnoxious, victim-blaming, slut-shaming, racist, sexist, homophobic assholes that thinks everything she does is Right and Perfect.

Including egging her suicidal kid on as a fucking joke and then later said her daughter's own rape was her own fault for "not reading the signs."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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