[ SECRET POST #2864 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2864 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 023 secrets from Secret Submission Post #409.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe start learning how to separate your interests from RL bad shit, instead of associating one with the other? Sounds like a coping problem. I don't think you should have to give up X just because Y was making you miserable.

But as long as you're not doing it to people, I suppose.

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe start learning how to separate your interests from RL bad shit, instead of associating one with the other?

But sometimes you just can't. Like discovering last year that my closest friend of over a decade -- so very much integrated in my life, including fandom -- had been basically Munchausen-ing me the entire time (faking cancer and other illnesses for attention, to the point of shaving her head when I was in town and other things). Over a decade of fandom jokes, series quotes that were shorthand for both fandom and our lives. I had to throw out DVDs, ditch fanfic, anything related to that fandom because I can't stand to be around it.

Sometimes you just need a clean break.

[(Anonymous)]

This. Sometimes you can't help what things your brain puts together.

[(Anonymous)]

I understand if something blindsides you and you just have to put it aside, but... you know... every single time? That's the part I don't really understand.

[(Anonymous)]

It's not that simple. I have an anxiety disorder and association is a massive part of it. Not just with fandom; I've thrown out clothes because of things that happened on the day I wore them.

Without getting tl:dr, the primitive part of your brain that controls e.g. fears, anxieties, the things people call knee-jerk reactions to things imprints negative events incredibly strongly (this is pretty much the basis if PTSD also). It's function is to tell you "hey, this thing and this thing happened pretty close together, maybe thing #1 is something you should avoid so thing #2 doesn't happen." It's a basic safety mechanism, except it can fire off in situations that don't warrant it, and it can make it incredibly difficult to 'retrain' the brain into realizing again that those two things are actually separate.

[(Anonymous)]

Here's the thing.

You are letting the fear of some unknown/nonexistent disaster get to you, to the point you (in general, if you're not OP) are feeling sad just anticipating the day that someone or something may or may not ruin it for you. At what point does it stop? Are you going to prematurely depart the fandom just to avoid that potentially traumatizing moment? Memories are a mix of good and bad and everything in between. If you had nothing but good, you'd never appreciate what you had. There's no sense in throwing everything away because one asshole soured the experience for a few minutes. Taking a break from fandom, I get, or moving to a different part of fandom. If it's one freak occurrence where every person in that corner of your fandom ganged up on you and made your life miserable for months at a time, I understand leaving it too. That one fandom. One. But developing fandom amnesia over one bad memory just seems over-the-top, especially when it's happened multiple times.

Honestly, are you okay with this? Have you seen someone for that? I know a fandom is just a fandom, but it's still an interest, and something you love. You shouldn't "have" to give it up, or the memories, at some point down the road unless you are seriously bored with it.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm guessing you have little or no experience of anxiety disorders. Cause the clue's kinda in the name, there: Anxiety Disorder, not Anxiety Yes I Think This is A Totally Great Way To Live My Life.

Patronizing dick.

[(Anonymous)]

As someone with this problem, and this disorder, chill the fuck out, man.

Advice like this is realistic, even if you have a disorder. The point is to get help, because it IS abnormal, and you don't deserve to be miserable about your interests because of it. Constantly running won't help you develop the coping skills to grow through your disorder. I was getting so negative about mine I sought out therapy, and because of it, while it hasn't been perfect, and it's already been a year and I'm still struggling, it's made a world of difference in my levels of enjoyment and how I deal with ANY of my problems.

When people run from something as simple as this, there is a bigger underlying problem. And that's not something to be ashamed of, but it is something you need to face as an adult, not hide behind the label of 'but I have a disorder!'. We with disorders have to work harder, not use it as an excuse to give up!

[(Anonymous)]

This! A bajillion times this!

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Hello othernon.

Yes, this is what happens to me as well. I have a condition where the flow of blood to my brain is impaired, which is probably what's causing it.

It's a safety mechanism gone wrong. My hand burns when I put in the fire, therefore don't put it in the fire, becomes I was wearing that shirt when I was in pain, therefore throw out the shirt. If I don't, I get horrible flashbacks that are overwhelming. I never thought about it being similar to PTSD, but I suppose it is.

I haven't even mentioned it to my doctor, as it's the least of my worries. I'm pretty badly disabled in my day to day living. Eating and washing are difficult.

It's still no fun when so many things I love eventually become repellent to me. Video games in particular are a very necessary escape from my day to day conditions.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

Op, instead of thinking of it as "the least of your problems" maybe think of it as something that's less difficult than your day to day problems, but something you might be able to work on? I'm presuming there's not a lot you can do about your blood flow disorder (I'm not super familiar with it, honestly) but this is something you definitely can improve or at least have more control over. Your doctor will probably want you in therapy if you aren't already, and therapy is pretty awful until you start to realize that it's helping.