[ SECRET POST #2889 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2889 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 051 secrets from Secret Submission Post #413.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Online dating advice

[(Anonymous)]

So I started an account on okcupid, and I feel overwhelmed by it. I thought I'd just start a profile for the heck of it, and then seriously try using it and filling out my profile after I got more of my shit together. But I've gotten quite a bit of messages, a few of which I've been responding to, but I'm not into seeing any of these people. And I connected with someone, and they want to see me soon. I said yes, but now I'm not sure I want to. Is there any way I can turn this guy down while still keeping a connection with him, and not seeming like I was leading him on?
I feel like I made a mistake. I'm not ready for any of this. Please help me, fs.

Re: Online dating advice

[(Anonymous)]

I think the key thing is to be honest. Make it clear that maybe you jumped into OKcupid without being ready for it and now feel overwhelmed and nervous. DON'T make any more dates. Try talking to people casually for a while first, until you feel comfortable. You don't have to respond to every single message you get.

As for the date you already have, cancel it (and be honest about why) and don't sweat it if you feel you absolutely cannot go through with it. I guess it depends on why you don't want to go out now. Is it something he said/did that sets off warning alarms, or is it your general anxiety about online dating? If it's the latter, would you feel okay with keeping this meeting really, really casual? Like, meet for coffee in a place you don't normally frequent, where you have 100% control over your transportation to and from the place. Set it for a deliberately short amount of time, say, half an hour. Say that you have to meet another friend or do a family thing right after, so it gives you an out.

If you want to break the date but keep the connection, make that clear. Tell him that you realized you're a lot more nervous than you thought, but you'd still enjoy chatting with him if he's up for it.

Re: Online dating advice

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it. He seems like a really nice guy, and he has a lot of info on his profile, so no warning bells. I have social anxiety, and I haven't dated in a really long time, my sexual experience is limited, and my life is a mess right now. The thought of jumping into dating and sex right now is freaking me out.

Re: Online dating advice

[(Anonymous)]

I think that if he's truly a good guy, he'll understand. Just let him know it's not personal and that you DO want to keep in touch (and then make sure to keep in touch so he knows you're not giving him the brush off) but you'd like to talk some more before meeting.

And then maybe step back on the online dating for a bit. It can be really overwhelming, I agree.

Re: Online dating advice

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks

Re: Online dating advice

[(Anonymous)]

Best advice is BAIL BAIL BAIL. Everyone on OKC is a creep or a weirdo.

Re: Online dating advice

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, it's pretty much hookup central. Stupid magazine for promoting it.

Re: Online dating advice

[caecilia]

I just don't respond or stop responding to people I'm not interested in.

In this case just be honest and tell him you're not ready.

Re: Online dating advice

[(Anonymous)]

I started an account on some dating website years ago, and I started getting guys messaging me almost instantly, before I'd posted a photo or even filled in my profile beyond the most basic information. I even got a message that said "You look cute!" despite - again - no photo. I think there's a lot of people out there who basically spam-message anyone within the right geographic area without ever actually looking at the profile just to see if anyone bites. The amount of work I saw mysekf having to do - scrolling through messages to sort out people who are actually interested in me personally from spammers who expect me to do all the heavy-lifting, while also searching for people I might want to - that I completely balked and have never tried online dating since.