fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2927 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2927 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Log Horizon]

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03.

[Red Dwarf / Stargate Atlantis]

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04.

[Sleepy Hollow]

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05.

[Disney / Doctor Who]

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06.

[Cinderella 2015]

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07.

[Daria / NCIS]

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08.

[Benedict Cumberbatch]

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09.

[Boku no Hero Academia]

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10.

[community]

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11.

[Young Avengers]

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12.

[Game of Thrones]

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13.

[PSYCHO-PASS/Katekyo Hitman REBORN!]

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14.

[Dragon Age]

Notes:

Full evening, so really early post!

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 022 secrets from Secret Submission Post #418.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So, for those of you who are, like me, socially awkward and communicating with others doesn't come naturally but you've maybe been around in fandom for awhile, what are some things you've learned?

Like, tricks to commenting or replying to commenting? How to start up a conversation at a con? Where to find people to talk to online and what kind of ice-breakers you start with?

It can be anything.

If there's anything you had a tough time with but figured it out, I'm sure there are others who'd love to know your secret.

Sorry if it's not really helpful but I used to believe I was socially awkward because I found it hard to communicate with others in fandom. Turns out that it's easier to talk to people outside fandom.Dunno why but I have like a couple of fandom friends and I've been in fandom for seven years while I make friends very easily irl.

Most of the tricks for replying and commenting are the same as conversation:

-asking questions about what someone was saying (specifically, asking to fill in a missing point, background on a part they were talking about, or asking for elaboration)

-offering your ideas and interpretations (gentle, friendly disagreement is a great conversation starter with most people)

-compliment + question -> compliment someone on something, then ask how they did it/where they got it/ideas about it, etc. You know the phrase imitation is the greatest form of flattery? People like the idea that you appreciate their appearance/action/work/etc. so much, you want to try it for yourself, or at least appreciate it enough to want to know more about it - and people like to talk about themselves!

My big one, that I have trouble following personally (hooray for constant panic attacks!) is... DON'T PUT IT OFF. If there's an email or a message or a phone call you need to make or whatever it is, just do it asap. The longer I put things off, the more nervous about it I get until I just don't do it at all, which means I'm stressing about the important social thing I didn't do for weeks or months.

I can't count how many times I've probably made someone think I was a total dick, because I was too anxious just to send a simple thank you or something. If I'd just done it immediately I would have been freaking out for a few hours but then I could've moved on. It's like ripping a bandaid off. The longer you take, the longer it'll hurt.

Yes, yes, and yes.

This +100. Although I definitely have trouble following it myself, in the end I always wish I had.

Well, for starters, the commenter just above you is an example of how NOT to open a conversation...

I think the thing that works most in your favor here, be it commenting/replying in fandom spaces or talking to someone at a con, is that (unlike approaching someone in a more neutral setting) you immediately have that common interest built in. Nearly every specific fandom will have its own meeting place or communal space, be it frequenters of a Tumblr tag, a fic archive, a comm like this one etc. That thing they tell you when you want to meet people offline, about how you need to engage with a hobby or interest and meet people that way? You're already doing it! Yay!

So the main advice is pretty simple -- enthuse about the thing. Show your interest in something the other person said or did, or ask them more questions about it. Share your thoughts. Create something if you can (not just fic or art, there are many other things you can contribute -- icons, gifs, meta, fanmixes, organizing fanwork exchanges etc. etc. etc.), and if that's absolutely impossible for you then cheer on those who do. I met several of my closest friends from the days we used to leave reviews on each others' fics. I've met other long-term friends from standing in lines at cons and just striking up conversations based on cosplay/stuff someone just bought at the dealers' room/the thing we're lining up for.

Most importantly, don't imagine everyone's out there judging you. If you get an obvious brush-off or other "this is a clique and you are not welcome!" sign then yeah, it'd be pretty obnoxious not to take the hint, but for the most part people want to be talking about their fannish stuff as much as you do and will love having another avenue for squee. And again, unless you're being deliberately obnoxious, then no one worth knowing is going to think your thoughts aren't worth contributing, or that a newbie has no right to an opinion, or that you're making an ass of yourself. If they do, then congratulations for you have just avoided an asshole! Yay again!

Fandom does a lot of the legwork for you. Just have the courage to dive in there!

Don't meet people one on one in RL if it's the first time you see them. 3 and more people is much better.

Depends on a con. Easier if you agree to meet someone there beforehand or just talk to people who's going to attend online and say hello at con later.

Aaand that's it. I'm not social at all, but these tactics are tried and tested.

[ SECRET POST #2927 ]

Help for the socially awkward

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