[ SECRET POST #2937 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2937 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 056 secrets from Secret Submission Post #420.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Inspired by Secret #2

[(Anonymous)]

Okay. Okay, nostalgia time! So there is this (terrible) German fantasy author called Wolfgang Hohlbein. And he basically wrote a whole series of books that are terrible Lovecraft fanfiction. (Like, stupidly, obviously terrible fanficion - Lovecraft is an actual character in those books and bestie of the main character and the main character is a Canon-Stu, white, lightning shaped streak in black hair and all.) I read them when I was 13, and thought they were so cool. Oh God.

So this main character, he's a wizard. Or a warlock. Or whatever. And the book keeps telling the reader that he is the most powerful warlock to ever have warlocked. Like "Old Gods beware of this warlock" kind of powerful. Wow. So powerful.
Yet over the course of the whole series (what, 7, 8 thick books? More?), the most warlocky thing he ever does is calling down a bit of lightning to roast some enemies and then immediately fainting. He spends his whole time tripping, falling down, fainting and hearing "the blood roar in his ears" (he uses this description every ten pages, I swear). He also magically knows when somebody is lying to him (which is not even half as useful as it may sound at first).

And it's amazing. I mean if he is the most speshul, powerful warlock ever, how terribly untalented are the wizards in that universe.

So yeah, this is the tale of Robert Craven (Yes, that name's for real), most uselessly all-powerful wizard in literary history (Hagrid would beat him in a wizarding duel).

Re: Inspired by Secret #2

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Your description made me laugh and made me think of Presto the Magician from Dungeons & Dragons, an 80s cartoon (which, like those books, I thought was awesome as a child - it turns out, it really isn't). Of course, Presto, bumbling magician that he was, did know he was really bad at it.

Re: Inspired by Secret #2

[(Anonymous)]

I think we should call that Gandalf Syndrome.