fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2946 ]

[ SECRET POST #2946 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2946 ⌋

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Today on Terrible TMI Slapstick: A 31-Year-Old Virgin Tries to Get a Pap Smear.

Lsst night I had a dream that started out as a nightmare and ended up as a sex dream. It was basically the perfect hurt/comfort fic and it was very confusing.

Speaking as a 26 year old virgin who failed to complete her first pap smear due to the pain and then was told on the second go round that it had been completed "despite your best efforts" BY THE HEAD OF THE GYNECOLOGY DEPARTMENT, I completely and totally sympathize. I feel less alone now.

30 year old virgin here. I've had one pap smear that went okay even though it was super painful.

However, about a year ago I had to have a vaginal ultrasound. It did not go well. They never managed to get it to work in spite of pain killers, muscle relaxants, and anti-anxiety meds. Ever since then I have not been able to get a pap smear. I think I was fairly traumatized by the experience because I was so terrified the last time I tried to get a pap that I could not relax my muscles long enough for them to do it.

25 and non-virgin, and I do not want to get one. I keep pretending that they don't exist.

God, this is my fear. I can only imagine it hurts like hell

IME, it doesn't. It's awkward and uncomfortable and there is "discomfort" level pain, but it's not bad even by my wussy standards.

I didn't turn 31 for another couple months at the time, but otherwise literally me. My doctor basically told me not to bother again unless I start having sex because she doesn't like torturing people. :/

My doctor has basically told me not to worry about a pap smear until I'm sexually active. She also wants me to phone up and book an appointment the very next day, so...

One of the blessings of being multiple: I never, EVER have to get a pap smear again. My sister generously does it for me, bless her heart.

--Rogan

Ugh, lucky duck.

No kidding. OB/GYN appointments are the WORST. I am more than happy to hand jurisdiction for that to someone else.

--Rogan

I wasn't going to comment because I never had one as a virgin, but seeing some non-virgins expressed a fear that it hurts... Well, I've had both pap smears and vaginal ultrasounds several times and it never hurt a iota.

I suspect being nervous about those procedures plays an important part, since my mom says it's not quite painful for her but uncomfortable, and she's very very shy about her body.

Oh, it totally has to do with nervousness. Things like vaginitis can play a part as well. As someone who is terrified of them and tenses up and who also finds anything going in her vagina painful, they are the most awful things in the world for me.

As a virgin who's had both several times (a history of ovarian cysts made them necessary) I didn't experience any pain at all. The pap was this 'weird' feeling when they swabbed, but definitely not painful.

I think a lot of people go into it expecting it to hurt and it's like white coat syndrome, you tense up/make it harder to do/are so sure it's going to be terrible that it becomes uneasy to do and it does become uncomfortable.

Actually, my first pap smear was a nightmare. Why? I was actually "blessed" with a very thick, microperforated hymen (which I later learned was inherited from my Mom. Thanks Mom.). So they couldn't even get a speculum in there.

I finally got tired of having it and "did the deed" myself with a sex toy (and that required going cowboy and using gravity and my body weight to get it done. I couldn't push it in "missionary"). Now pap smears and internal ultrasounds aren't my favorite things in the world, and they can be uncomfortable, but they're no longer outright painful.

Yay for TMI?

Hint to the ladies out there: insist on lube on the speculum. Makes things so much easier.

Omfg. I hate pap smears. Here let me offer you a pretty terrifying ordeal for my 22 yr old past self:

-22 yrs old. Trying to join the Marines. PAP smear required. Total balls. (WHY. THEY DON'T GET THE MEN TESTED FOR ANYTHING :AKJKDJA:)
-Surprise! The medics at MEPS also poke around in your lady parts.
-tfw the medic is an old East Asian guy who barely speaks English and is mostly deaf.
-tfw the medic assisting him in poking around in your lady parts motherly tells you to look at the wall.
-tfw you transcend embarrassment into becoming a slab of meat for your country.

Didn't you know? Ladyparts make women more susceptible to... things, and... stuff. Mostly things like hormones. Men just don't have those problems, you see, or hormones (or hormonal fluctuations) so the only medicals they have to go through are height and weight, and such.

When I joined the Navy, the (male) doctor who inspected me turned to the nurse and said, "well, this one's a virgin."

I was told they may be a thing of the past soon, unless you test positive for HPV. I had to get a 6-month follow up pap smear a little while ago (after my last regular pap came back looking somewhat other than normal - it all turned out fine, but I got a vague message on my phone on a Saturday morning and couldn't get a hold of my doctor again until Monday and I was FREAKED OUT as to why my doctor wanted me to call her back "regarding my pap smear - it was a whole thing) and the doctor I saw for the follow up told me the plan was to start having women take HPV tests and if they tested negative, they didn't need another test for five years and would only need pap smears if they tested positive. Apparently, even if you took the test and then immediately went out and contracted HPV it's very unlikely you will develop cancer within five years, so there's no point in doing the test more often than that or in doing pap smears for women who don't have HPV. Also, the HPV test would be self-administered.

Of course, this doesn't mean there aren't other things that could go wrong, so there's still pelvic exams...

YUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! >:D

I was told by my family doctor that it was recently changed to every three years if your pap is normal/you're not high risk, and unnecessary at all if you're not sexually active, which is good news for me!

Hey you sound like me. 31 too. It wasn't unbearable, but it was in no way comfortable. Even my obgyn, she was like, 'you're really tight.' So, you know, I can only imagine how sex would go. And I've tried inserting fingers when I was masturbating and in the mood. Too much discomfort for too little reward, lol. I gave up and went back to focusing on my clit.

reminds me of my 28 year old virgin self getting one of those totally comfortable vaginal ultrasounds with the giant fucking wand that hurts like hell

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[ SECRET POST #2946 ]

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