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Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2015-01-31 03:38 pm
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[ SECRET POST #2950 ]


⌈ Secret Post #2950 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 065 secrets from Secret Submission Post #422.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
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(Anonymous) 2015-01-31 09:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Really? Even if the funeral is for a young child or the 36-year-old mother of three? Then you're probably either a sociopath or one of those idiots who likes to tell people with cancer not to worry because "God has a plan."

(Anonymous) 2015-01-31 09:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay, the case of young children is probably an exception. But other than that, I stand by what I said. I don't think people shouldn't be sad. I completely get why people feel sad and I do feel sad myself. But I don't think funerals should be or are wholly sad. I've never felt that.

And I'm pretty sure I'm not a sociopath, and I don't believe in God.

(Anonymous) 2015-01-31 10:04 pm (UTC)(link)
NAYRT

I think I get you.

You seem as though you feel a funeral should be about celebrating a life -- remembering the good times and being grateful that you knew the person in question, even if their time was cut short.

(Anonymous) 2015-01-31 10:17 pm (UTC)(link)
da

I agree with you. I think that, with a few exceptions, funerals should celebrate a life lived. My family likes to joke about our prospective funeral arrangements, with the general attitude of "when I die, throw a party!" It's not strange to feel that way. I think it's also a good way to deal with grief.
diet_poison: (Default)

[personal profile] diet_poison 2015-01-31 11:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Along those lines, I also think it's pretty normal to have a party (even if it's not called that) after a funeral. I went with my mom to a distant family member's funeral and afterwards there was a cookout. It's healthy and smart imo for people to connect with other loved ones in a positive, meaningful way in the wake of a death. I'd definitely want people to do that after I die. Of course I'd be hurt if I didn't think people would be sad at all if I died, but I'd rather they celebrate my life than make its end all about sorrow (at least if I died old, which I guess I assumed OP's great-aunt did).
Edited 2015-01-31 23:12 (UTC)
ketita: (Default)

[personal profile] ketita 2015-02-01 07:06 am (UTC)(link)
The Jewish custom of Shiva has some similar elements. For 7 days after the funeral the family sits at home in mourning, but they basically have an open house and friends and family are supposed to come and help cheer them up - sometimes they cry together, sometimes tell jokes, but generally it's meant as both catharsis and a way to reconnect with friends and family, so those in mourning don't feel like they're all alone.

(Anonymous) 2015-01-31 10:52 pm (UTC)(link)
The way you feel is totally normal. I've had a lot of old relatives die, and the funerals were always full of people smiling and laughing as they reconnected with each other over the loss and remembered the person who died.

(Anonymous) 2015-01-31 11:19 pm (UTC)(link)
When my mother died I was amazingly relieved when friends showed up who were unconnected enough they could joke around with me, and the most healing part was after the funeral when it was just close family and friends and we could tell funny stories and remember her life. Having THIS IS SAD YOU SHOULD BE SAD ISN'T THIS SAD shoved in my face by people who went to church with the uncle my mother hadn't willingly spoken to in ten years was torture.

But everyone's different and everyone grieves differently, which is why it's important to listen to someone who's grieving instead of talking over them and telling them what you think they're supposed to be happy to hear.

There was a thing that went around tumblr that was like "If someone tells you god loves you and they're in heaven now when someone you love dies you should smile and say thank you because they mean well! Even if you're not religious and the words hurt you or upset you, remember how important it is not to hurt their feelings!"

And no, no no no. If they care about not hurting you then they'll want to know they're accidentally hurting you. And if they don't care and want to hurt you in order to feel better about themselves then they can go screw themselves sideways.

(Anonymous) 2015-02-01 03:36 pm (UTC)(link)
"Even if you're not religious and the words hurt you or upset you, remember how important it is not to hurt their feelings!"

Wow, wtf? So you, as the grieving person, have to make sure not to hurt other people's feelings, but they can hurt your feelings all they want?

Christ, people on tumblr are so hypocritical and dumb sometimes.

(Anonymous) 2015-02-01 04:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Because you wouldn't want to make religious people (who are obviously ONLY TRYING TO HELP despite being oppressed by The Atheist Conspiracy) sad.

(Anonymous) 2015-01-31 10:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Christ, you're an asshole. You start a lot of sentences with "actually", don't you?

(Anonymous) 2015-02-01 12:19 am (UTC)(link)
DA-- wow, you certainly are a vicious twat, aren't you?

(Anonymous) 2015-02-01 01:47 am (UTC)(link)
exactly.

(Anonymous) 2015-02-01 03:25 am (UTC)(link)
Or they believe that celebrating someone's life would be preferable to mourning their death. Which some people do.

(Anonymous) 2015-02-01 04:00 am (UTC)(link)
They're free to make that decision for themselves. Assuming other people should celebrate the death of their 25 year old son is a bit presumptuous.

(Anonymous) 2015-02-01 06:09 am (UTC)(link)
Whose 25 year old son is this again because until you barged in with your rage this was a conversation about a great aunt's funeral. Also that anon said "I've never really felt" so they are pretty much saying this is their way of doing things, whereas you're the one adamantly telling people what to do. So off with you, hypocritical twat.

(Anonymous) 2015-02-01 03:28 pm (UTC)(link)
TBH I've never really felt that funerals should really be sad.

Maybe you should actually read the shit you're responding to, dumbass.

Funerals shouldn't be sad. Yay, losing people you love!

(Anonymous) 2015-02-01 03:39 pm (UTC)(link)
To them.

That same person also went on to say, if you noticed, that they can understand people being sad at them. It's their own personal belief, and you're freaking the fuck out over it and being an asshole.

(Anonymous) 2015-02-01 06:14 pm (UTC)(link)
>celebrating someone's life

>celebrate the death of their 25 year old son

There is a HUGE difference between celebrating a life or celebrating a death. You're being disingenuous or obtuse, or maybe just overly emotional about the subject.

(Anonymous) 2015-02-02 09:49 pm (UTC)(link)
IDK, in my experience, "celebrate a life lived, don't mourn their death!" people tend to be insufferably smug and self-satisfied about it, convinced that they have a superior approach to death. Especially the woman who complained that a friend's religious funeral was too sad, and the family should have had more consideration for the feelings of people like her who weren't religious and didn't like mournful funerals.
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