Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2008-01-06 06:05 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2008-01-06 06:05 pm
[ SECRET POST #366 ]
⌈ Secret Post #366 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IF YOU'RE GOING TO USE MSPAINT USE A BACKGROUND COLOR, PLEAAAASE
Secrets Left to Post: 11 pages, 252 secrets from Secret Submission Post #053.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 ] broken links, [ 1 2 ] not!secrets, 0 not!fandom.
Next Secret Post: Tomorrow, Monday, January 7th, 2008.
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
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(Anonymous) 2008-01-07 03:07 am (UTC)(link)You're the kind of person that makes me wish LJ would use the term "readers" instead of "friends." I've dealt with people like you in the past, and guess what? You're really fucking annoying.
I used to be just like the person you've described. I was still new to LJ then, and thought it would be rude not to friend people back when they friended me. Before long I had (what I consider to be) a big friends list.
There was no way to read everyone's entries unless I wanted to spend hours out of every day online. Plus, a lot of my new "frends" just weren't very interesting. A lot of them were boring, in fact. We shared the same fandom, but that was it, and usually they didn't even post anything worth reading about fandom. Then there were those who were just plain crazy, stupid, annoying or illiterate.
The ended up skimming my friends list, only pausing to read the most interesting stuff, which was usually posted by the same small group (maybe 10-15 people). Eventually I created a reading filter for just them, plus my favorite communities (the A-list), and most of the time that was all I bothered to read. On most days, I never got beyond the A-list filter because I have a life and I don't spend it all on LJ.
If she's not commenting on your posts, it's probably because your posts just aren't interesting enough to comment on. Maybe you just turn her off - that you're so desperate for validation from an popular, talented online acquaintance, and so bitter that you're not getting it suggests that you don't have much of a life. I'd back away slowly, too.
Even if her friends list is small, suggesting that she has an obligation to comment on your posts because *you* manage to reply to everybody on your friends list is bullshit. As for her resolution, notice that it's to get to know SOME of her friends list better, not everyone.
If you were cool and intersting, she'd already like you and comment on your posts. You're not, and that's not her fault. Get the fuck over yourself.
not the op
(Anonymous) 2008-01-07 09:36 am (UTC)(link)Yes, you have a valid point that not everyone has time or that not everyone shares the same fandoms, etc. However, the truth of it is that many people assume that a mutual friending means mutual acknowledgment of posts. After all, everyone posting on LJ does it to get some sort of attention, otherwise they wouldn't be public posts at all.
If a lot of people that you don't like reading about only have you friended for your fandom content? Keep it unlocked or in a separate journal. It's not hard to do.
I realize that our views conflicting is based on preference, but I think it's unfair to keep leading people on when you have no interest in reading their entries at all. Unfriending them when it gets to the point that they're boring is a lot less rude than that.
Re: not the op
(Anonymous) 2008-01-08 12:11 am (UTC)(link)Oh, don't get me wrong; I agree with you absolutely. I wasn't blameless in that whole stupid situation. I've since learned my lesson and that's what I do now.
I also read 20-40 posts back in the journals of people who have added me, and if they fail to pass muster for a number of reasons (boring, whiny, drama queens, spammy, illiterate) I don't add them back in the first place.
Back then I didn't defriend because I was afraid that many of those defriended might take offense. I saw people get incredibly upset when others defriended them. I was still suffering from Nice Girl Syndrome at the time and, not wanting to be seen as a snobby BNF, I was afraid to do a mass defriending.
So I did exactly as you've suggested - started a separate journal for real-life matters and non-fandom hobbies. I kept it friends-only. I invited a few people I knew from fandom who I liked as people, not because of our shared fandom obsessions. In time, I made non-fandom friends, too. My original journal was left fandom-only and totally public, so nobody was excluded from reading its content even if I didn't friend them back.
When I started a journal for a new fandom, I didn't mention it on my old fandom LJ because I didn't want people like the OP to follow me there. I went in totally green and made a few friends and eventually got recognized for my works, but I didn't encourage people to friend me and I didn't automatically friend them back.
That first fandom journal is now abandoned (as I'm no longer in that fandom). I'm well-known in my latest fandom, and on a couple of occasions people have emailed me or cornered me in a fanfic community to ask why I hadn't friended them back. I know now to say, "I'm sorry, but I don't have a lot of time to spend on LJ so I need to keep my reading list small. I'd friend more people if I could, but I just can't. But everything on fandom_LJ is public, so you're not missing out on a thing." I also defriend as needed - such as when someone gets totally bent out of shape over shipping and starts acting like an ass.
I've learned the hard way how (not) to manage a friends list, and how unrealistic people's expectations for LJ "friendships" can be. I still stand by my opinon of the OP, however. If you have interesting things to say and an upbeat attitude, people will gravitate towards you. If you're smart, witty and/or talented on top of that you'll have no trouble getting noticed. If you're the sort of person who pushes for attention from others and gets resentful when it's not forthcoming, however, the problem is definitely you.