fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2973 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2973 ⌋

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There's a woman who has become a close friend of mine - we probably wouldn't have become friends because we're very different people, but working together closely for the past year changed that. By "different", I don't mean professionally - we have very similar interests, and even some hobbies. But her, err, lifestyle. She's the type to get insanely drunk twice or more a week, stay out all night partying, go to crazy clubs... I know it's her business, but it's to the point where I feel like she acts unsafely, like passing out in the middle of the night in public places, lots of sex with strangers, and not to mention she used to do a lot of cocaine, though now it's "only on special occasions."

I've gone out for a drink or two with her before, and that's fine, but I'm honestly not the... crazy drunk passing out cocaine type. I'd rather have a drink and be home by midnight on a "wild" night. My ideal night is sweatpants, pizza, and computer games.

But we're friends, and she's had lots of anxiety and emotional stuff that I've supported her through, and she's helped me as well. As colleagues, we couldn't be closer.

Anyway, the rant is, her birthday is coming up. And, you guessed it, she's planning an insane clubbing night, in which she's already arranged to do cocaine with another friend before, and then to this club. She really wants me to be there. I want to be there for her birthday, but I don't want to associate with her if she's doing cocaine. If it was just the club, maybe... but I hate that kind of scene, and I know she's planning on going nuts there, and I'm dreading the very thought of it. But I feel like I can't say no, and if I did, I think she'd be hurt and just not understand why.

This post is a troll.

Why do you think that? I have friends AND family who are party animals like this.

NAYRT

I suspect AYRT is salty about the above thread.

It's probably trans!troll anon pretending to be trollcaller anon, to discredit trollcaller anon. Too bad it's again, like every other of these attempts, really obvious...

Not necessarily. The bf's bestfriend loves to get drunk and he does shrooms every now and then. My bestfriend loves to smoke pot. Me and the BF both don't do the drug aspect as we have jobs that we can't afford to lose if we end up getting a surprise drug test, but we do like drink, just...not that much. And sometimes it can get uncomfortable being around them when hey do it excessively cause of teh whole "guilt by association" thing.

Set your boundaries up front. I have had a fantastic number of druggie friends, and they truly don't care if you don't want to participate in it, but they do care if you agree to hang out for the night and then ditch them.

Say something like, "I'm not into coke. I don't care if you do it, but I don't want to hang around for that. I'll stay for a bit to wish you happy birthday but if it's cool with you I'm just going to leave early."

You're not harshing her buzz and you're taking care of your own interests. Everybody wins.

Offer to meet earlier for pre-drinks or dinner somewhere quieter?
I just say something like "I can't stay out late because I have an early morning, but I'll stop by and have a drink with you."

If they know ahead of time they can't really say you're ditching them or avoiding them.

I would suggest just going to the club and having fun. Put up your boundaries - drink or what have you, but say you aren't interested in doing drugs. OR you can go even further and say that doing something like that is just not what you're comfortable with doing. If your friend is the kind of person who is worth being friends with, she will respect your boundaries. If she won't respect your boundaries, that's a red flag for an unhealthy friendship.

Yeah, don't go. It's not your scene and there's nothing wrong with that. Let her celebrate how she wants, tell her you hope she has a great night and if you're feeling generous, tell her you'll take her out to lunch or something. You're colleague-friends, which is different from regular friends, IMO.

If she can't understand why that would make you so uncomfortable, then she's not really that great of a friend.

Set boundaries. Say you'll go just to the club, if you want to. If you don't, that's fine too. I don't really blame you - I LOVE to go out and drink, but I am not the type to get drunk and have zero interest in drugs, and drunk people tend to get on my nerves. If it were me I'd go out until everyone else got wasted and then leave (and specify ahead of time that that was my plan).

Not sure how the cocaine affects this though.

Don't do anything you're really uncomfortable doing though. You should NOT feel guilty into putting yourself at risk and in a place of notable discomfort for the sake of a birthday party. And I like other anons' ideas to see her beforehand, take her out to lunch, something like that.

[ SECRET POST #2973 ]

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