fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2980 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2980 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Lots of multiple secrets in one comment this week, throwing off the count!

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 083 secrets from Secret Submission Post #426.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Heterosexuality is bad for women, except bisexual women, who benefit from passing.

Oh, that one's just precious. It boils down to: "you"re sleeping with the enemy".

This is like, way late, but I still had this tab open and I'm anal retentive about catching up, and it's not quite so far out and what you said made me remember... I've literally had someone tell me I was sleeping with the enemy. Even though my romantic history has a LOT more women than men, and the people I was involved with at the time included a genderfluid woman, a trans woman, an on-and-off thing with a truly horrible excuse for a human being who (after we broke up) admitted to lying about his gender identity because he thought he'd be more successful getting into my pants/a relationship if he told me he identified as more female than male, and an AMAB genderqueer person who was my primary partner then.

But, because my ex-partner was AMAB, they're "not really non-binary" and, according to these people, was "just trying to escape his male privilege". That, from people on a community that I've also seen rip people a new one for saying that exact thing about privilege to trans women (and rightfully so), plus being supportive of AFAB non-binary folk. No, they weren't trolls; they were regulars on the community in question and genuinely believed these things. I don't know how in the world you get that level of cognitive dissonance. Bwuh?

Granted, at least one of these women was also all over the post telling straight women they should dump their boyfriends/husbands and become political lesbians, regardless of their romantic or sexual interest/non-interest in women, because if they didn't renounce all men they weren't "true" feminists, so... yeah, it was a mess all around. I fucking hate that shit.

I believe you, I do, because ever now and then something show up on tumblr or even facebook that makes me double back and think "what the hell did i just read".

And on tumblr I HOPE, I hope it's basically just 14-year old who discovered feminism ad haven't really been in a real relationship - but on Facebook (and granted, it's often more nuanced there, but still) I KNOW some of these are adult women, some of them with kids, and it makes me want to weep for humanity.

The whole idea that women who have relationships with men are by definition is some sort of unhealthy, unequal bond - is untrue and really disturbing.

And yeah, recently i also picked up on the "trans women have it worse than ever other gender minority" thing.

Political lesbians are probably in my top 5 most hated types of rabid SJW. The reason for that is that a) they actually just hate men b) they are generally bitter and hostile towards women who do not hate men and c) they actually perpetuate the harmful myth that being a lesbian is a "choice" and d) sometimes go as far as keeping some poor gal hanging on romantically, even though they know they can't actually reciprocate feelings. Also e) I haven't yet met one who isn't truly horrible to trans people.

So yeah, sorry, it seems I have strong feeling about this.

Unfortunately, the ones I've run across aren't 14yos on Tumblr; they're women in their mid-20s to 30s. I've had to have the privilege awareness raising talks with my ex-partners. Thankfully, my fiance is already aware, and we don't have to have these talks. (Social justice is important to me; I am not, however, a SJW. There's a huge difference.)

I despise the "who is more oppressed" shit I see on Tumblr and elsewhere. It's not a fucking pissing contest. Trans women, especially trans women of color, are in a really bad place, and I am fully in support of them, but what I didn't get was how someone could be vitriolically defensive of trans women and snarl at people who said trans women have or had male privilege (and I agree with the snarling), but in the next breath say that AMAB genderqueers aren't legitimate, that they're just trying to score points and escape responsibility for their "male privilege." I don't even. That doesn't make sense.

This particular political lesbian wasn't shitty to trans people, but boy was she shitty to everyone else. I believe she was actually bisexual, and could not understand why other people couldn't just "learn" to love women instead, or why they couldn't just deal with no sex. Yeah, she actually went there with the last one. She made the assumption that straight women would be completely capable of romantically loving another woman, while being effectively asexual. After her initially round of spamming the post, a TON of people jumped on her and the other people who were agreeing with her for it, because the biphobia was horrid. Pretty much everything else you describe applies.

I go back and forth on the choice thing. I know people for whom it was a choice. I don't really have a choice in who I'm attracted to, though I have at this point chosen not to become involved in relationships with men. I don't care if they're AMAB/male-bodied (whichever term preferred; my ex HATED the term AMAB) and non-binary or gender-questioning and still use male pronouns, but I've had enough bad experiences with men I'd just rather not. Although some people seem to think that doesn't "count" because the body is more important to them than the self-identification, to which I say: Fuck off.

But I understand the need for the "it's not a choice" narrative, because even if there are some for whom it is, the LGBT rights movement wouldn't have gotten anywhere without it. It's fucked up that for straight cis people to take us seriously, we have to emphatically state that it's not a choice, for anyone, ever. /rant

(I have strong feelings about this too.)

Let me elaborate that by choice I mean our default range of attraction. Obviously, bi or pan people could technically choose to date just one gender, for whatever reason.

For people who skew far more to either side of the Kinsey scale, it's far less of a choice, and even those who are pretty laid back about sex in general, still would not have the same attraction or romantic feelings towards a either the same or the opposite gender, depending which way they swing.

I would argue that falling in love with someone is quite often not a choice - acting on it is, but then you're arguing that it's better to be alone and miserable than to love the "wrong" person, which I disagree with.

So it's a choice that is not equal, if you know what I mean. Yes, everyone can choose not to act on love (but why should they really, by what justification,), and if two types of love are not seen as equally desirable socially, where one can freely be with whom they love and another cannot be - then the choice is not equal. I hope that's not rambling too much!

Yes, that I absolutely agree with. I would argue that the "straight" women who are able to function as political lesbians... probably aren't as straight as they think; at the very least, heteroflexible (a term I have seen to describe people who are 99% straight, or gay in the case of homoflexible, but have very specific traits or people they will make an exception for). And by function, I mean being able to have fulfilling romantic and sexual relationships with other women.

I definitely agree you don't choose who you fall in love with, and your further comment. The idea that you should not act on love because someone else thinks they're the "wrong" partner, due to gender, race, disability, etc, is inherently oppressive.

What you say about the choice not being equal also makes a lot of sense, and I hadn't thought of it in that terminology before. I may have to snitch that. And no, not too much rambling! :)

[ SECRET POST #2980 ]

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