fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3014 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3014 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

__________________________________________________

14.

__________________________________________________

15.

__________________________________________________

16.

__________________________________________________

17.

__________________________________________________

18.

__________________________________________________

19. [repeat]

__________________________________________________

20. [repeat]

__________________________________________________

21.

__________________________________________________

22.

__________________________________________________

23.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 06 pages, 130 secrets from Secret Submission Post #431.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Everyone's started ignoring me this past year or so, and it's driving me crazy. This isn't some weird social drama, because then it would be just one group of people. It's everyone, friends, classmates, strangers, just talking over me constantly and not answering questions when I get to ask them (like in text-based settings where "talking over" isn't a thing). I've been getting more and more fed up and have started snapping at people for it when I don't intend to. I always feel like I'm one incident away from just shutting my mouth forever, and yet when I mention how upsetting it is, nobody can understand why it offends me so much to be interrupted or ignored every time I speak.

My voice is pretty loud (or so I thought) and it's not like I rarely talk, so I have no idea why this is happening. I'm fucking mad though.

It might be because people don't appreciate the content of your conversation or the way you phrase things.

I can only think of two irl examples of this and both times it has been because everyone thought the person was a)stupid or b)an asshole.

While, I'm not saying you are stupid or an asshole (or even trying to imply it- I don't know you at all), I'm just saying there might be some other factor that's causing everyone to ignore you. Lack of confidence, frequent social faux pas... that kind of thing.

I don't know. I don't think that's it. (Other than the part of me that always thinks "oh, it's because everyone hates you" in response to anything that happens, that is.) The way it happens, I'm leaning more towards people just don't hear me for some reason. Especially in class, when the things I say are all about the subject of discussion. And when I get ignored online I'm usually just asking innocent questions.

Maybe it's just an issue with projecting your voice, then.

Make sure your chin is up when you talk and that you're speaking clearly enough. And wait a second before you just launch into something to make sure people are listening to you.

Class discussions can get pretty heated, especially in groups where everyone has good ideas.

The weird part is that it happened from one year to another. Was there any big incident in your life around that time? (Sorry if it's a stupid question, you've probably given this thought already.)

Not that I can think of. I'm not sure really when it started, only that it's been about a year, maybe two, I don't know. Plus, if people were ignoring me because of something that happened, then it wouldn't apply to strangers/new classmates, right? Unless you mean if something happened that affected my behavior, but I don't think that's the case either.

SA

It actually could have been less than a year. I really don't know. I have a terrible sense of time and I feel like it started gradually enough not to notice at first.

I meant something that affected your behavior. An injury? A change in diet? Are you in a more stressful environment? (different job, school, hobby)

Sorry, anon, I wish I had some concrete tips to give you, like the right lead to go on a detective-spree of your life, or something.

I don't know if it would help to overanalyze things even more, but perhaps keeping records of exact situations could help?

If you have several entries to extrapolate from, you might find a pattern in what exactly is triggering this.

Does it involve you using a certain type of language or word usage?
Does it involve the other person being currently engaged in something that takes a lot of their attention (a romantic relationship that is new and sparkly, or they are breaking up with their significant other, they're suddenly parents, is it around finals time if they're in school, etc.)
Does it involve bad timing?
Does it involve certain topics more often than others?
Does it happen in a certain setting more often than others?
Does it involve discussing feelings? (For various reasons, sometimes people who were very close and sharing with you might suddenly not want to talk about feeligs, like maybe they're secretly going through a bad moment of they life but don't want to let down their cheery facade <--- this happened to me with all my friends and it took me checking out their tumblr archives and comparing dates to notice. I had no idea they've had terrible, awful break ups with their boyfriends, for instance! They did not want me to worry, in that case)

That is weird. Like if it's everyone, then it's either something you're doing, or it's just a weird coincidence and you're just having one of those times when life has decided to be shitty to you.

Yeah, and as much as I tend to assume everything's my fault, I get the sense this one isn't. I'll work on projecting my voice more, for lack of any other ideas.

I'm sorry, anon. Could it be the questions you're asking, the phrasing or the tone, perhaps? Sometimes when people find a question awkward or they're not sure what to say they just don't say anything at all.

"I've been getting more and more fed up and have started snapping at people for it when I don't intend to."

... yeah. This will probably discourage people from responding to you even more, but I'm sure you realize that.

What a the conversation topics usually like? Are they opinions? Are you always disagreeing fullstop? Are you too loud or too quiet (either can get ppl to ignore you out of exasperation), are you talking about yourself or just whatever is on your mind

"it's not like I rarely talk" - If you do talk a lot, could it be you're steamrolling over others?

Maybe try coming at things from a different angle - instead of trying talk so much, maybe dial back? It sounds like you talk a lot - and people may be talking over you as it's the only way to get their voice heard and now it's habit? Practice saying a few words, then stopping, think about next words, pop in your view or whatever, then shut your mouth and let people talk about it.

[ SECRET POST #3014 ]

Re: Complain here

Re: Complain here

Re: Complain here

Re: Complain here

Re: Complain here

Re: Complain here

Re: Complain here

ayrt

Re: Complain here

Re: Complain here

Re: Complain here

Re: Complain here