[ SECRET POST #3037 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3037 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 051 secrets from Secret Submission Post #434.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: General worries/concerns thread

[(Anonymous)]

I'm worried I'll never escape my abusive, narcissistic mother. Many days I'll read up on people who have escaped these horrible situations, and others who were not so lucky. I fear my reprieve is only temporary and that I'll end up in the latter group.

I worry about filial support laws in this country, and though most states don't usually end up enforcing the law, I worry I'll be the one exception and get screwed over.

I worry I'll run into that horrible person who hit me and insulted me and blamed me for all her problems while violating my boundaries so many times, that I'll be stalked, and that I'll still be so goddamn weak that I'll say anything just to stop her guilt trips and placate her horrible self.

I worry that, even though I say and often think I don't give a shit about what others think about me, that word of my rotten behavior (cutting an abusive parent out of my life) will get around and I'll be shunned all around so badly that I'll just spiral out of control and end up in a bad place. Even worse I'll end up back at narcissist's house, never to escape, and never to find anything better.

I hate myself for being such a weak piece of shit. I have to constantly remind myself every day that I deserve better than being insulted and inappropriately reminded that "one day" I'm "going to wipe" abusive parent's ass because she'll be too feeble to do it herself. I don't want that experience. I don't want that memory. Because it will be too much on top of all the horrible things I've been trying to escape.

I've been ignoring her on the phone recently. I've not answered her texts, I don't read them, and I delete them as soon as I get them, even if it might not be anything more than a simple request. I feel like I failed as my parent's child, even if it's become apparent to me that the narcissist was never really interested in having a child as much as she was having a convenient friend, therapist, marriage partner, and scapegoat all in one.

I worry that, in spite of all the things I know to be true, and all the things I know I must do for the sake of my own mental health and sanity, that I'll never escape and none of it will ever get any better.

I worry I'll make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Just one more thing to hate and blame myself for.