fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3042 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3042 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hey paranoia anon how are you doing? I remember you were in a bad place last time we talked.

Feh. Life has literally gone to hell in a handbasket. Yes! I thought my situation COULD NOT get worse. The Universe laughed. Then it said "SURPRISE!"

Ugh.

Seriously, if I thought I was in a bad place then, I had no no no nononono idea how much worse it was gonna get.

Ah well. Good thing I'm ornery. Heh. I'm actually surprised how well I am holding up, given how bad it was even a few weeks ago. Inch by inch, I guess.

Well that sucks. I hope you find a way to deal with it.

Thanks, man. I've reached a kind of roller-coaster Zen with it. At this point. Instead of alternating between fury and despair, I've...escalated? De-escalated? To alternating between acceptance and facepalming/dread over the whole sitch. It's not over, not by a long shot, and the light at the end of the tunnel likely IS the oncoming train. But I am a bit more okay with it, than I was. It will take literally years to clean this whole mess up, though. If it's even remediable in the first place. (Not looking likely.) Fehhhhhhhh.

I can't know your situation (or even pretend to understand what it's like to be in that kind of place mentally), but I can tell you that there are very few situations that are completely beyond help. I hope you can get to a place where you decide to go for it and seek that help out, I really do.

Though I realize that might be asking a little bit too much right now.

Thanks, herp, I do appreciate your well wishes. Unfortunately, there's not really any help available in my area, and what help does exist, is pretty much a historically-accurate period reproduction of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. The book, not the movie. Literally.

I am planning on travelling, at least two separate trips (one of the trips might be soon-ish), possibly three. Depending what my schedule is like, and where I'll be staying, I might end up poking around my destination(s), to see if there's anyone available I can bounce any of this off/get an objective opinion on.

I will need legal help, down the line (hopefully much further down the line), but as for the mental part of it? I'm basically working through it on my own. SUCH fun (note my sarcasm), to be woken up at 3:45am every morning, with my brain having worked out yet ANOTHER piece of the horrifying jigsaw puzzle of the mess that was my entire life. Which, apparently, was riddled with several attempts/incidents to hurt me, by "revealing" knowledge of various adult indiscretions I either didn't assimilate, or was too young to understand...but which I now understand perfectly, as an adult, in hindsight, when it's too late to do anything about it.

If you need someone impartial to listen, you can always feel free to send me a PM. I'm obviously not in a position to do much of anything concrete, and I completely understand if you feel like you can't trust me with your personal business, but the offer is out there since you can't find anyone to talk to in your area.

Thanks, man. I do have an ancient DW account I created and basically abandoned years ago, not sure if I could resurrect it or not...if I really hit a wall, I'll see if I can get in, and may give you a ding. There is one other person I have been regaling/horrifying with all the sordid details, but there's not much they can say, really, and they're literally an ocean away. So I'm not totally on my own, just no professional help.

I do want to stress that I am in a much, much better place than I was, by several orders of magnitude. A few weeks ago, I was seriously reading the Murphy book. And going "WTF dude? Really? Really??" at my crapsack brain, the whole time I was reading it. That has, fortunately, passed. I also know that this, too, shall pass.

It's just the getting through it part that sucks.

Oh and don't worry about the radio silence after this comment; Paranoia Anon has to try and get some sleep, sometime. :P Thanks again, herp, if I can get into that DW account, I might give you a buzz.

Over and out.

Yeah, it does suck. It sucks improbably large donkey balls, to put it lightly. I might not know from experience, but I do know from observation, so if there's anything I can do to help or you just need to unload to someone you know won't wind up shunning you or treating you with kid gloves then do feel free to message me.

[ SECRET POST #3042 ]

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