[ Secret Post #384 ]

[degrees.livejournal.com]

⌈ Secret Post #384 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Phoenix Wright fans, check it out!

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 50 secrets from Secret Submission Post #055.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 ] broken links, [ 1 2 ] not!secrets, 0 not!fandom, [ 1 ] I don't either.
Next Secret Post: Tomorrow, Friday, January 25th, 2008.
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[flowerofsin.livejournal.com]

4. Well, even if people don't comment, most times they are still reading the entries. It depends on what kind of entries you're making and if they have anything to say in response to them. And just because some people click with others and not with you doesn't make them unfriendly people. I can understand some of what you mean, but a person can't be close with everybody. Maybe the people you're going after have little in common with you besides fandom? Some people don't view their f-list as a way to make close friends. And maybe some of the people you see being bff all over the place know each other in RL or have known each other online for a long time? You seem to be painting people as shunning you almost on purpose when a lot of people don't take their lists as seriously as you seem to.

Part of the problem seems to be that you're looking for true friends from fandom when not everyone is. I think more and more that it should be called a 'watch list' so that people don't get the idea that everyone on their f-list has to be a do-or-die friend. yeah, tl;dr comment

29. This is an awesome secret for an awesome pairing.

[(Anonymous)]

I can still see where the op is coming from. no, it's not realistic to think that you will click with everyone but you do have to start wondering why you're clicking with NO ONE.

It's hard to sit on the sidelines and see everyone acting all bff and wondering what you've done wrong and why no one seems to even want to talk to you. I think you're being a bit unfair to the op by implying their being neurotic about it.

How can someone on the outside watch as people talk about what good friends they are in fandom and keep in mind that all of that may really mean nothing to them because they don't view online friendships seriously. No one knows how others perceive friendships online and yet all we have to go on is how WE feel.

You've just completely told the op that she's wrong for feeling the way she does and that it's her fault for not being able to connect with anyone.

Congratulations.

[flowerofsin.livejournal.com]

I don't remember saying that the OP was neurotic or that it was her fault for not connecting with people. *reads my comment again* Still don't see it.

The fact remains that you can't be a close friend to everyone, and people who don't connect with you aren't cruel or unfriendly. The answer is to look for people who have more than just an interest in whatever fandom you're into at the time. There are reasons that you aren't privy to as to why some of the people around you seem so close online, as I said in my original comment.

It's just a fact that not everyone takes internet 'friendships' as seriously as other people. You can't force someone to become your friend, especially on the internet. It's unfair to fault people who are able to make those relationships for your ability not to, which is how I read the secret.

I'm not saying the OP is wrong for expressing his/her feelings. But it's not fair to expect more from some people than they are willing to give, especially online.

4 OP

[(Anonymous)]

I appreciate your input. But I was afraid I might have come off as being too...demanding. There are a few on my flist that aren't really looking for anything more than fandom pals and I understand that and know who they are. I still comment and have fun with them. For them everything is nice and that's not the problem. There are, however, a handful that do express their closeness to their flist, their want to befriend people online, and their desire to deepen friendships- it's most of them that don't seem to really reply to me (whether on their LJ or mine- I don't much care about comments on my LJ). So, I apologize that I came off as trying to sound like I was purposely being shunned. I always try to make the best out of every situation, but this was one that I just wanted some advice for. :)

Well, my turn for tl;dr comment? Thank you for taking the time to read my tl;dr secret, though and thank you for giving me something else to think about. :)

Re: 4 OP

[flowerofsin.livejournal.com]

It takes a long time to develop real friendships on the internet. And if you have a different personality from these people you're talking about, they may not click with you as much as with someone else. A person can't help it if there are reasons that they can't feel as close to someone else. It's not really a failing on either person's part.

If you want to make more friends through fandom, you need to just put yourself out there a little more. Try to be a little more outgoing to different types of people in coms and whatnot, and you might find a few more people who want to get to know you. Maybe try participating more actively in fandom so that people get to know you a little more. Mostly, it takes time to develop a circle of friends, whether it's the internet or RL.

Re: 4 OP

[(Anonymous)]

You're very right. I didn't think about the personality aspect. But honestly I mostly faulted myself because I am very timid and very shy. It's so bad that when I do try and IM someone for the first time that I shake so bad that I have to type out what I say a few times. That's a problem on my end. I do need to force myself out of my shell more... And, really, all the replies I am getting are really helping me out more than I thought.

There is no reason that I cannot speak as freely with others as I am in these comments.

I really appreciate your help and will definitely heed your advice. :)