case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2015-06-27 03:49 pm

[ SECRET POST #3097 ]


⌈ Secret Post #3097 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 076 secrets from Secret Submission Post #443.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Re: Bullies

(Anonymous) 2015-06-27 11:27 pm (UTC)(link)
I bullied for three reasons, depending on the person (listed here from most to least common for me).

One: because I was embarrassed about my disability. I didn't want people to think I was like the other kids in my "special" class who couldn't or wouldn't "pass", so I put them down to try and forget that I was one of them.

Two: because I had anger issues. Sometimes, somebody would just be in my way without meaning to be, or something just wouldn't turn out the way I'd hoped, and I would take it out on people who didn't deserve it.

Three: because I was jealous. I know that's a stereotype, but when somebody was just so much better than me at something, I'd get frustrated and start to hate them, and making them feel bad did make me feel good.

I have not apologized, because I'm not in contact with anyone I knew then and I don't want to be. Plus, all three reasons are still factors in my life, and I worry that if I tried to reach out to the people I can remember bullying, my lingering disgust for them would take over and I'd lash out again. I'm still a jealous, angry, self-loathing ableist. I just try to control it now.