fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3106 ]

[ SECRET POST #3106 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3106 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 048 secrets from Secret Submission Post #444.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Enh, I know a lot of folks where more than one sibling is trans, never mind queer. I seem to be unusual in that in the whole mammoth extended family of ours, we're the only queer OR trans person that I know about.

I personally believe in not coming out to family till you're an adult, so if you get disowned, thrown out, or assaulted, you can get away easier. And there's no reason you have to come out at all if you don't want to.

--Rogan

Wow that's really surprising to me, and the total opposite of my experience. We have a really large family too, but I don't know anyone else who is queer in our family, or anyone who strikes me as even remotely queer. Unless they're stuffed in the closet like I am, which is a possibility. Sorry to hear you're the only one in your family. :( All the other queer people I know (strictly online because my meatspace friendship circle is 0) are single kids or don't have queer siblings.

I am an adult, though I'm still financially dependent on my folks, much to my consternation (they pay part of my college tuition and I don't exactly make a lot of money). I'm really hoping that once I'm done with college I can finally get away.

Thanks for the advice. I guess one of my biggest hang-ups is that I feel like a coward for being closeted while he's not.

I know, right? But I have two trans friends who also had a trans sibling, one older, one younger. They both dealt with it in different ways. *shrug* Genetics, I guess?

Y'know, if you're afraid, there's probably a valid reason. I didn't come out as trans until I'd finished undergrad and was long out of the house, and it was one of the smarter decisions I've made. I think really bad things would've happened to me if I'd come out while my money was theirs.

It'd be one thing if you were throwing your brother under the bus, but it sounds like you're good to him. So I wouldn't worry about it, anon. You do what you want when you want. You aren't hurting anybody doing your thing your way. I might be mega-out, but I realize that not everyone can or wants to do that.

--Rogan

Yeah, genetics I guess. ¯\_(O.o)_/¯

Yeaaah... You do have a point about fear. I just don't know how rational and founded my fear is now. My father has a history of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse from when I was younger and, according to my mother, his reaction upon finding out my brother was gay was...yeesh, so to speak. Being that I was all of a wee 6 years of age (my brother was 13 at the time), they kept my brother's sexuality a secret from me and I didn't find out until I was 16 via an offhand mention from my cousin about my bro's boyfriend. Suddenly the fact that my bro just about high-tailed it out my family's life when he was 18 made a lot more sense, yo.

The abuse has since been over for several years now, but I'm not sure if it would pick up again if my dad found out his precious baby kid is also gay. Not too willing to find out tbh. The logical part of my brain tells me "well he stopped now so you're okay" while the more paranoid part says "well but it COULD happen again. it might not, but it COULD." So I guess that's an issue.

And thanks. We may not be close, but it's a pretty decent relationship in comparison to my parents and other brother. I like and care about him a lot and we get along for the most part when he comes around to visit. Emotionally it still feels like I'm leaving him out to dry or that I really am hurting him by keeping this a secret, but I guess that's just a personal hang-up I have to deal with.

Thanks for replying, I appreciate it.

It's cool. Honestly, far as abuse goes, I would way rather be safe than sorry. I mean, worst that happens if you wait is... you wait. Worst that happens if you don't is... well, what happened to your brother.

Maybe you guys can bond over it eventually. I know my little brother... well, lemme put it this way, he doesn't know I've been married five years. He probably never will; he has pretty strict limits to how much truth he can handle from me.

--Rogan

That's...very true.

Yeah, that's a possibility. The idea of my brother not having to know everything about me is just a foreign and new concept to me I guess. My parents were hellbent on knowing everything about me when I was younger (it was easier to control me that way) so keeping a secret from family has made me progressively nervous the older I've gotten.

I guess I'm still learning that I'm my own person with my own life and no one is obligated to know these things if I don't want them to. Pretty weird feeling.

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[ SECRET POST #3106 ]

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