fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3117 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3117 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02. http://i.imgur.com/j8N0B0a.gif
[linked for gif, OP's request]

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03. http://i.imgur.com/k16VpGi.gif
[same as above]

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04.

[Dark Tower]

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10.

[Ring of Honor Final Battle 2010, Steen vs Generico]

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11.

[Fallen London]

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12. [SPOILERS for Orphan Black]

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13. [SPOILERS for Welcome to Night Vale]

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14. [SPOILERS for 999 and Virtue's Last Reward]

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15. [SPOILERS for Hannibal]

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16. [WARNING for incest]

[The Grifters]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #445.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Um. Hm. I think for me what happens is this sort of constant focus on all the myriad ways in which things can go wrong / are going wrong / went wrong, and the ways in which that's my responsibility to prevent, or my fault if it can't be prevented. It's like a background process that's always running in my brain. I'm just constantly worrying. It doesn't even have to be anything specific. There's just always a very real possibility of Things Going Wrong that it's like I constantly have to be on the lookout for.

(This has gotten much better and much less omnipresent since I went on SSRIs, but it's still definitely part of my personality)

It's like a background process that's always running in my brain.

That's a really good description, imo.

I wasn't sure if I should comment here or on 'irrational' because a lot of my anxiety boils down to irrational fears. Sure, some of it is more reality based, but then there's stuff that I have absolutely no control over (or 'real' reason to worry about) like, "Well, mom was supposed to call a couple of hours ago and she's not picking up her phone, she must've got into a car accident", or "With my luck if I step into this elevator the damn thing is going to get stuck between floors, and my fear of heights and enclosed spaces is going to get the best of me and I'm going to have a panic attack while waiting for hours to be rescued. This is probably the moment I'll realize I have to pee and end up wetting myself... better take the stairs."

"... Wow, hope I don't fall down the stairs and hit my head and no one finds me until hours later."

Just, stuff I know is incredibly unlikely and completely stupid and paranoid but my brain can't help but jump to.

I don't know what causes it. I've always been like this to some extent, but I feel like the older I get the more ridiculous my worries and thought process becomes. (I guess it helps that I know I'm being irrational and so can tell myself, "STFU, you aren't making any sense.")

I do know what you mean there. You know how when you're a kid and you're scared of doing something and your mom or dad will say "what's the worst that could happen?" That was completely pointless with me because I could always come up with some terrible outcome. But lately for me it's less specific fears and more just an unspecified 'something will go wrong'.

I want to tell a story about my life because I feel like it's very indicative. So I had a flight to catch tonight. I left absurdly early because I was worried I'd somehow miss my flight - but I left a few minutes after I wanted to, and the bus was a little late, so the whole time I was getting there there was this recurrent fear in the background of somehow something would go wrong, although I was able to deal with that. Then when I got to the airport the worst actually happened, my flight was cancelled - and I was fine. I think because there's something you can do about it, it's a problem you can solve, you know? And I got routed onto another flight so everything was fine. I don't know. It's just funny to me.

"what's the worst that could happen?"

Ho boy, do I feel you there. I hear that question and cackle nervously, because I can always come up with some terrifying, far fetched series of events.

I'm sorry your flight was cancelled, but it sounds like you got to your destination safely! (Which would be the part I would worry about...dying, lmao.) Which, yes, is what matters. It IS stressful when things go wrong, even if it isn't anything serious.

I think because there's something you can do about it, it's a problem you can solve, you know?

I think I get what you're saying. If you can easily see a solution it isn't quite as bad, but if it's something you have no control over (and can't reasonably prevent) then it's nerve-wracking. Chaos!

Exactly! Which is silly, because the only time it makes sense to worry about something is if you have some element of control over it. Irrational emotions are irrational.

I also often think that there's an element of... like, you spend so much time waiting for the worst to come that when it does you're hardly surprised, you know?

Yup yup. The best thing to do is try to distract yourself or keep yourself busy so you don't have 'time' to worry, but sometimes you get yourself so worked up that you can't even fully concentrate on any other tasks because like you said, the anxiety is still there lurking in the back of your thoughts.

If you can overcome it with logic then that can throw it off momentarily, but irrational emotions are stubborn.

you spend so much time waiting for the worst to come that when it does you're hardly surprised, you know?

In a way that's almost a blessing because I think part of the bit I hate is the surprise. I mean, sure, I like good surprises (like finding money I misplaced, or an unexpected announcement for a piece of media I like, random compliments, etc) , but surprises usually aren't good in my experience, lmao.

But then there's a flip-side, where, like you said, you spend so much time expecting the worst that when the worst actually happens you feel like you were right all along and that you're fucked. Your worries end up feeling kind of legitimate, even if you know rationally they weren't.

I'm going to fuck up and lose everything.
(As anon says, constant background noise. Counteracted by reminding myself that if I saw someone else do or say what I did, I wouldn't think they've fucked up their life completely. So why say this to myself? Basically, reassure myself and suddenly gain confidence that builds into habit)

[ SECRET POST #3117 ]

NERVOUS/ANXIOUS

Re: NERVOUS/ANXIOUS

Re: NERVOUS/ANXIOUS

Re: NERVOUS/ANXIOUS

Re: NERVOUS/ANXIOUS

Re: NERVOUS/ANXIOUS

Re: NERVOUS/ANXIOUS

Re: NERVOUS/ANXIOUS