[ SECRET POST #3118 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3118 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 071 secrets from Secret Submission Post #446.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 (posted 3 times) - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

So I don't know if this helps or not (I had mostly stopped watching DW by this point) but IIRC, in the Vincent Van Gogh episode, when he was talking about losing someone and not even knowing it, and she was crying? Maybe that's the way it is in life sometimes; disordered people aren't at all aware of what they're doing to others (if they are, and they do it anyway, that's just plain evil) but they may have moments of semi-clarity, where they realize something is wrong and they're upset about it, they just won't know what it is. So, maybe even the people who made you feel that way OP, are pitiful in and of themselves, and you really don't deserve to get upset over them? If that makes sense. I don't think that's the takeaway from the Vincent Van Gogh episode but w/e.

TL:DR; Sorry it sucks so much for you OP, but it gets better.

[(Anonymous)]

No, it gets worse.

[(Anonymous)]

Sure, if you give up and never bother to get help.

[(Anonymous)]

There's lots of help that can be sought, and things get better for a lot of people. But not all ills can be cured. For some people, no matter how much they want things to change and how hard they try, things may not get better.

For you to characterise that as laziness and defeatism on their part is ignorant, unhelpful and unsympathetic. Would you describe people who succumb to cancer (whether they never received treatment or the treatment was unsuccessful) in the same terms?

[(Anonymous)]

Would you tell someone who has cancer "it gets worse" as if that's a foregone conclusion and there's no hope for them?

[(Anonymous)]

Of course not. But nor would I say "you'll be fine" without knowing the specifics of their disease given I know that people with the condition can either recover or deteriorate.

And if things did get worse, I certainly wouldn't say that the only possible explanation was that it's their own fault.

(For the record, I don't think the "No, it gets worse"-comment in this thread was especially helpful, but I'm not a fan of a blanket "it gets better"-proclamation either, because that is not everyone's experience.)

[(Anonymous)]

Attitude can be a really important part of recovery, though -- with illness, and doubly so with mental illness. It's been clinically proven that having a belief that you really will recover can help treatments work better, while thinking things will never improve can be a huge hindrance to recovery.

So even if it's not literally true that every single person recovers from a condition, I see absolutely nothing wrong with giving them positive encouragement and statements of faith in their recovery. Getting pedantic and telling an ill person, 'well, there's every chance you won't get better, so don't get your hopes up,' is not good bedside manner.

[(Anonymous)]

Getting pedantic and telling an ill person, 'well, there's every chance you won't get better, so don't get your hopes up,' is not good bedside manner.

Yes, as bad if someone says they're still struggling with their disease and you say it must be because they've "give[n] up and never bother[ed] to get help."

My preferred choice of phrasing is "it can get better" over "it gets better". But neither one should be used to silence or dismiss people for whom it has not got better.

[(Anonymous)]

Or stays the same.

[(Anonymous)]

(Ayrt here)

I mean, yes, in some cases, it does get worse. Stuff happens. Then more stuff happens. Sometimes it does feel like everyone and everything is out to get you. I get that. (Believe me, I get that.) Sometimes they are. But, and I really loathe the idea this is going to come across as trite or condescending (it's not), sometimes the only way to keep going is to look to the things that nothing and no one can take away from you, even if they're insignificant to everyone but you. (It's better if they are insignificant things.)

Sometimes it is a matter of saying to yourself, "Yes it's raining and I have a brutal commute to a job I dislike where everyone dislikes me, but you know what? At least it's not snowing, or freezing cold, and the exercise is good for me."

That's a bad example. It's a generalized example. A personal example for me would be, "Okay, so everyone has convinced the world that I don't remember what I clearly remember happening. These people are nowhere near me, will never be anywhere near me, and it is a waste of my time and mental energy to throw the concrete evidence I have of the truth in their faces, because they still won't accept it, and will continue to try and convince everyone that I'M the one in the wrong."

But I have a better life, that was free of dealing with these people, and what they did to me, for many many many years, and that's WHY my life is better now. So, just because they've been currently collectively roused like Cthulhu to do what they've done in the present, to cover up what they did in the past, they can't take away what I do have, within me. They can't take away my ability to enjoy the sunny days or the scenery around me (wherever I am) or the fact that I am able to adapt myself to nearly every situation I find myself in. Traits largely developed as a result of surviving what they did to me....

TL:DR; sometimes it gets worse. Don't ever let that stop you.

[diet_poison]

Rock on, anon.

[(Anonymous)]

CAT PEEEEOPPPPLEEEEEE

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT (man I can't believe I verbally diarrhea'd that post out on my phone LOL)

Thanks, d_p! It is down to going a day at a time for me right now, and some days there are ... shall I say, "developments" that are generally not for the better, but overall, it's OK. Things progress.

[diet_poison]

<3

I'm impressed. I don't have the patience to write all that out on a phone.

And yeah, not every day goes in the direction you want - but being on an overall positive trajectory is awesome, and taking ownership of the things that you like and are meaningful to you is a big step.

[diet_poison]

You sound awfully confident about that.

[elaminator]

when he was talking about losing someone and not even knowing it, and she was crying

I don't remember the episode that well, but I DO remember Amy crying at least once (in DW in general, not sure if it was in this episode or not) without realizing what it was about. (And of course it was about Rory.)

It was extremely sad (and unsettling).

I'm not sure what to say about the actual secret other than I'm so sorry that OP is going through such emotional torment and I hope that one day they'll find happiness. I think it's possible, but it can be a tremendous challenge getting there.

Good luck, OP! It might help to speak to someone about this (if you haven't already, and who knows, you might have), though taking that step is a difficult one.