[ SECRET POST #3119 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3119 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #446.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Holy shit. I know I'm just an anon, but I'm so, so sorry you had to go through that.

[elialshadowpine]

Thank you; I appreciate it. Reading that was just scary, because it mirrored my own experience so much, and could have easily been me. I would have regretted transition so much, because I am a woman. But my dad's shit made me hate myself because of it, and it's taken many, many years to deal with that... and some of it, I may never be able to change. I can't unlearn the way I walk now from that training, I can't unlearn the body language, I can't unlearn the vocal language (especially being autistic, which means that's more difficult to begin with), and etc. Some of it is just ingrained so deeply that no matter how much I've tried to learn how to present female, I still fail. My fiancee has commented that she's had to remind herself that I identify as female, not androgynous or genderqueer or such, because my body language and such is severe enough to throw her (and other people) that much. I am thankful she is very good at remembering correct pronouns, because that would trigger some serious gender dysphoria.

Oh, on top of it, I have PCOS with (if untreated) testosterone levels in cis male ranges (albeit low-normal, but my endo said I was one of the most severe cases she'd seen in her 20+ year career; I actually didn't think about it until now, but her comment about me being likely infertile is probably accurate, even though I know a lot of women with PCOS who have been told that and had a surprise pregnancy, because if not treated with birth control, my T levels are, I believe, in the ranges that cause sterility in trans men... thankfully, because of my shit genes and health issues, I have never even considered becoming pregnant), so I had to deal with voice dropping (I used to sing soprano, as in, I could hit that high note from Phantom of the Opera; I now am a low alto, with a range of ... lower; I have been able to successfully sing in baritone, which is usually not possible for women) and facial hair and body hair where it shouldn't be on a woman so I also had the "fun" of my own body betraying me while going through all of this... which just added even more fuel to the gender dysphoria fire. *facepalm*