[ SECRET POST #3146 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3146 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 065 secrets from Secret Submission Post #450.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I don't want to transition any more. I've started to present, and it's not what I thought. I was expecting people to hate me because they couldn't accept me as I am, but I was never expecting to be hated /because/ they accepted me. I know what I am, and that will never change I just don't want anyone else to know.

[(Anonymous)]

Not going to ask.

Do whatever makes you most comfortable.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know what that is any more.

[(Anonymous)]

Whatever you do, don't let someone else tell you what the right thing to do is.

But do you have someone you can talk to about it, preferably someone irl that knows your situation? It might help you to get your thoughts in order.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't understand the problem?

[(Anonymous)]

I had a the same problem - or I think I did, OP is being vague so it's difficult to know, but the peoblem rings true to me - Imagine a transwomen, who is scared people will hate her for being trans and refuse to accept her as a woman.

Then imagine she starts to present, and instead of refusing to accept her, they DO accept her as a woman, She's passing, it's great. Then the other shoe drops, and she has to face all the shit that comes with being a woman. The misogyny, objectification, the being completely devalued as a person, the stuff that she never even realised was there because she'd never had to live it. Can you imagine how crushing that must be? To be recognised for what you are and not what society sees you as, only to be hated not because you're different but because you got everything you wanted?

Now here's the bit I didn't want to being up because it sounds so MRA. I lived that, but with the genders reversed. I'm a transman, I was accepted as a man. and the hate the disgust the violence the systematic stripping my myself and my values it was more than I could handle. And there's no good support for that. The majority of the internet says "Aww poor manz" The trans community who I'd come to believe was my people says "Suck it up, you have what we all desperately need and you're still not happy" and the MRA says "Yeah feminist bitches have ruined the world, wait, you're trans? GROSS!" when the only people who care about these specific issues are assholes it shakes your sense of self. you start thinking, "Hell, maybe I'm one of these assholes? Maybe I've always been an MRA scum-bag, and just needed it to be unlocked" maybe the internet is right to say "Aww poor manz" and maybe when everyone thought I was female I could disguise what a horrible wreck of humanity I am under it?

OP - If this is what you're going through, I'm sorry, but there's no coming out of that. You have to decide if it's better to be true to yourself and hate yourself as a scum-bag, or if you can live a lie where everyone feels bad for you and you can pretend to be a good human being.

[(Anonymous)]

All I'm hearing is Wah Wah Wah.

[sarillia]

It's okay to go back if that's what you want to do. You're not obligated to transition. It's also okay to not know what you want to do right now. You have your whole life to figure out what will make you most comfortable. You can keep thinking about it and trying different things until you find something that works for you. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this confusion. I hope it gets better eventually. Just know that there's no right answer that you're missing.

[belladonna_took]

Sounds like you're going through a rough patch right now. I hope things get better for you soon.
Do you have a good psych professional to go and talk to? I'm not sure if you've seen one yet (where I live you have to before you start hormones), but regardless of what you decide to do, having extra support right now might be nice.

I know other people in your life are probably going to have strong opinions about what you should do. I think ultimately you've only got to answer to yourself, and do whatever's right for you.

There's not really a 'one size fits all' way to live, even as part of a pretty small community.
Hugs if you want them.

[raspberryrain]

So, this was a learning experience for you! You can better decide what you want to do after knowing how it felt to be seen a different way.