[ SECRET POST #3151 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3151 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[DRAMAtical Murder]


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03.
[Ruby Tandoh]


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04.
[Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll]


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05.
(Anastasia Romanov)


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06.
[Chris Lilley]


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07.
[Surge concerto]


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08.
[Starsky and Hutch]


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09.
[Ragnarok Online & Tree of Savior]


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10.
[purplekecleon/floraverse]















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 012 secrets from Secret Submission Post #450.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

So, My girlfriend has made plans to get some tattoos.

Insect tattoos up and down her arms. Starting with a wasp.

I don't like lot's of tattoos in general so maybe my unhappiness is somewhat grounded in that, but I loathe wasps. They terrify and disgust me. I really am not happy about this, but there's not really anything I can do. We've been together for 12 years, so I'd be grateful if we could avoid the usual suggestions of "Dump her". I am aware of the whole "her body her choice, it's none of your business so keep your trap shut" side of things, but I don't think I can oversell how horrifying I find the idea of an arm covered in insects, and specifically wasps in general. It's grade A nightmare fuel.

The correct answer, I know, is "Talk to her" but the best case scenario from that is she decides not to do it and resents me for effectivly vetoing her own bodily autonomy. The most likley outcome is she tells me its my problem, and basically tough shit on me. and the worse case scenario is that she resents my even trying to talk her out of it. The problem is, she's starting with a wasp as her own personal "Fuck you" to the type of guys called "Butterfly collectors" so the perception of a man trying to tell her what not to do with her body in relation to this specific tattoo will likely leave a very negative,and most likely rage-y taste in her mouth which I do not want to be responsible for, and I certainly don't want to be mentally linked in her mind with butterfly collectors.

It feels like the only choice open to me is to suck it up and live with this, but I can't oversell how horrifficly the whole idea is sitting with me.

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

Tell her you have a fear of insects? :(

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

What are Butterfly Collectors?

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

You have totally incompatible desires over an issue that is of deep emotional importance to both of you.

I'm sorry, but this situation seems like one where the only real option is to end the relationship.

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

I understand why you feel she would be upset, but if my long-term partner was truly and honestly upset about the tattoo I was planning to get because they have a severe phobia of the design I want, then I honestly wouldn't have a problem finding something else to tattoo on my body. Like you said, it's obviously her choice, but since this goes far beyond "I think that design just looks dumb," I think she might be more understanding than you think.

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

Now hang on, why should she resent you? "Talk to her" doesn't mean demand she not do it. Obviously you don't get to tell her what to do with her own body, but as her partner, you certainly are allowed an opinion, and she should value your input. Just tell her in a gentle way that you personally don't like wasps and find them revolting, but maintain that of course it's her body and her free choice. Just be honest without being mean. Then she decides, how important that wasp tattoo is to her.

I mean, this really shouldn't even be about the tattoo, it's about you guys being able to communicate your preferences in a healthy way where the other person won't take it so personally - and maybe a bit about compromise. If this causes a fight or extreme resentment, the problem might be something deeper than just a tattoo.

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

So wait, what? You haven't even mentioned this to her?

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

Read that as "incest tattoos" at first...

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe you could try manning up? Oh no! someone want's to do something I don't like, how do I cope!

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

Your girlfriend would also have a right to keep wasps as pets, if she wanted to, but it still would be a dick thing to do, given your fear of them. Talk to her about this, maybe she can think of another tattoo that conveys the same message.

If her reaction is still "fuck you, you deal with it", she's an ass and you can pretty much ignore her objections the next time she disagrees on something that you'd like to do.

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

Or talk to her about and get an understanding "oh I didn't know no problem" rather than deciding that she'll only react in 1 of 3 negative ways, you big baby.

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

Don't tell her what to do with it then you stupid fuck. Talking means you go up to her, explain you're creeped out by wasps and if it's alright could she do something else but if it's not alright that's okay you understand and will work on it".

You are jumping to so many assumptions and decisions about what will happen it is ridiculous.

Re: Relationship Question

[dahli]

Talk to her and tell her that you're afraid of wasps. Relationships are a two-people deal, and the best thing you can do is talk it out.

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Your fear of wasps is real and legitimate so telling her about it is important.
My boyfriend hates snakes. I would never get a tattoo of a snake period.

Also, if I were you I'd ignore some of the trolly comments in the thread.

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

I'm...not sure what you're looking for here? The answer is obviously "talk to her", but you've already cut off that avenue.

If you've been together for 12 years, surely there have been compromises in your relationship, on both of your parts? Surely she would be open to hearing out your legitimate phobia? Even if she wants to go through with getting the tattoo, at least she's not going into it blind to your feelings, which are important.

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

You've been together for 12 years. You've managed to express your concerns in a non-douchey manner to total strangers on FS, so I think you might be underestimating how possible it is to discuss this with your girlfriend. The main points to get across is that:

1) You fully support her right to get whatever tattoo she wants, wherever she wants
2) But no lie wasps and insects freak you the fuck out (avoid loaded words like "disgusting")
3) But whatever she decides, you will deal with it because you are a grown ass man and also very cool

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

Probably a stupid question... but how have you been in a relationship for TWELVE YEARS and she doesn't know you're phobic about wasps/insects at all?

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

A wasp tattoo sounds totally disgusting, not gonna lie. Why is she so set on a wasp? Does it mean something, or does it just sound cool to her?

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

People keep telling you it's a phobia and that makes it a legitimate complaint. Is it s phobia? It doesn't sound like a phobia to me. That's the first thing to ask yourself, do you have a right to feel this strongly about someone else's body.

suggestion

[(Anonymous)]

Can you compromise on some other animal or creature that gives the "fuck you" your girlfriend wants, but doesn't hit your phobia? Everyone including you is seeing this as Option 1) WASPS ERRYWHERE ALL THE FUCKIN WASPS or Option 2) no tattoo at all, but that doesn't have to be the case.

Like how bout dragonflies? They're insects, they're pretty and badass, they sting people, but most people don't find them as intrinsically horrifying as wasps. They're also not as mindless and swarmy. Why not suggest other options.

Plus. Unless they're inked to like 5x or 10x scale, considering how tiny wasps are, I don't think they'd come out too well as tats in the first place. Chances are it'd end up a swarm of blurry black dots.

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

You need to communicate to her, at least gently at first.

Since you feel so stuck, could you work on your phobia of wasps and insects? I mean that seriously. That could be a way forward. Even professional help for controlled exposure.

(I loooooove insects and have considered insect tattoos on my arms, lol. I like to put really large insects on my face to get intimate with them, like the Goliath stick insect which I used to live around.)

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

Does she know about your fear of wasps? After 12 years I assume she does, in which case it's a dick move on her part. Maybe she doesn't realise it extends to pictures too?

You definitely need to talk to her about it and unless your gf has some issues of her own, she's not going to resent you for telling her you're uncomfortable with her choice of tattoos because of your fear of the insects, ffs.

Does she already have a design picked out? If not and she's dead-set about getting the tattoo anyway, ask her if you can pick the design out together, maybe there's some stylized design that doesn't set you off.

But seriously, talk to her. If I got a tattoo and my bf of 12 years only told me afterward that it horrifies him I would be fucking pissed as hell.

(And if she's the kind of person who doesn't care about the fact she's getting a body modification that will terrify her SO just because she wants to stick it to some random people? Maybe you need to rethink your stance on the "no 'dump her!'" advice thing. If it really is as major a thing for you as you make it out to be then it should matter to her enough to re-consider.)

Re: Relationship Question

[(Anonymous)]

You need to communicate to her, at least gently at first.

Since you feel so stuck, could you work on your phobia of wasps and insects? I mean that seriously. That could be a way forward. Even professional help for controlled exposure.

(I loooooove insects and have considered insect tattoos on my arms, lol. I like to put really large insects on my face to get intimate with them, like the Goliath stick insect which I used to live around.)

I thought I posted this but I can't find it, sorry if double comment

Re: Relationship Question

[world_eater]

This sounds fake but ok

Re: Relationship Question

[herpymcderp]

Chill out. Take a deep breath and stop fixating on this. You're only psyching yourself out.

The truth is that the way you're thinking about the potential result right now has you believing it is going to be more awful and traumatic to you than it likely ever will be. What's more, you're going to get used to it. Before too long that tattoo is barely going to even register as an image to you, much less an arm covered in wasps.

These are tattoos, not actual insects. If it bothers you that much, ask her not to go for a realistic 3D render style and admit that it's because you're scared of it.

It's that simple.