[ SECRET POST #3162 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3162 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Final Fantasy X]


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03.
[The Silence of the Lambs]


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04.
[Benedict Cumberbatch, Morpheus from Sandman]


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05.
[Final Fantasy VI]


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06.
[Assigned Male]


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07.
[Rihanna - Bitch Better Have My Money video]



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08.
[Brooklyn 99]













Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 032 secrets from Secret Submission Post #452.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

Nowhere in my comment did I say one has to be completely over the bullying they sustained in their younger years. But to have grown into adulthood and still be in the "seething rage" portion of your dealing with it is...well, at that point it says a lot more about the person who's still seething with rage than it says about the bullies, who may very well have grown up to figured some things out and become pretty decent people themselves.

Looking back, it's extremely easy to see how the majority of school-aged bullies are struggling with their own feelings of failure, inadequacy, and inner ugliness. That doesn't mean their behavior isn't cruel, but it does (or ought to) make an adult person reconsider the complexity of a bully's character and of their motivations. Plus, as an adult, I don't feel I have much business condemning people whose bad behavior against me was committed well before they reached adulthood. The kids who actively push a peer to suicide (like repetitively urging them to do it)? Okay, yeah, I can't really see letting them off the hook for something like that. Or the kids who gang up and beat one of their peers to a pulp - again, an exception to what I'm saying. But for the most part, as cruel at school-age bullying is, I don't believe those kids deserve to have their teenage actions held against them as adults.

I just thought I'd help you gain a little perspective yourself.

Nope, I like the perspective I've got thanks.

Re: nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

SA

That was a bit glib. One thing these comments have gotten me to think about is that an abusive home life seems to be a common factor for people who haven't managed to emotionally deal with their experience of school-aged bullying. Maybe because people with an abusive home life tend to lump all the bullying they experienced together into one thing, thus conflating the bullying they sustained as school (by peers) with the bullying they sustained at home (by adults in positions of power over them). And the thing is, I don't forgive bad/abusive parenting; I definitely hold it against the parent. But I don't forgive parents who are bullies/abusive specifically because they're parents. They are adults and they are inherently in a position of almost absolute authority over their children. What's more, they asked for the challenges they now face as parents, and they have a deep responsibility to meet those challenges with as much sensitivity and generosity of spirit as they can. Kids who are bullies have no such authority over, or responsibility to, their peers.

My home life was...difficult. Lots of death, lots of poverty, lots of instability in my living situation, and a bit of shitty conduct from one half the parental landscape. But I also had one parent who loved me unconditionally, and who was the most generous, patient, nurturing parent a child could wish for. That's the foundation I built my understanding of the world on, and that's why I believe in being sensitive, in hindsight, to the kids who bullied me. Because they were just kids, like I was, and who knows where they were coming from at that point in their lives. Who knows what they'd been taught in their home environment, and who knows what they were dealing with internally?