fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3177 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3177 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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12. http://i57.tinypic.com/35chf9c.jpg
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13. http://i.imgur.com/OB1EeH5.jpg
[porn - furry/illustrated]

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I'm really struggling to cope with my sexual abuse. It's happened to me multiple times in my life, and I just can't lose the feeling that it's me. That it's something wrong with me. And there's so much victim-blaming everywhere that I can barely function without having that idea reinforced.

It hurts so much.

Hugs if wanted.

I cannot possibly imagine what you're going through. I hope you find some good help.

The people victim blaming are fuck heads. there's no rational reason to blame a victim for being sexually abused and IMO I suspect that a lot of the people spewing victim baling stuff are probably trying to cover up for some guilt in their past.

Or they absorbed horrible, disempowering messages when they were young, and they would blame themselves just as harshly if they had been victimized. This doesn't excuse them, but it's at least as likely as a scenario where they're "trying to cover up for some guilt in their past."

I meant the people who weren't victims.

Even if they weren't victims, it's a long leap to assume they must have been victimizers.

Sorry I have a lot of judgement for someone who would blame a victim for being abused. I honestly have a hard time understand how someone can look at a victim of sexual abuse and tell them it was even partially their own fault.

I have a lot of judgment for them too, but it's still a long fucking leap to conclude that they must have victimized someone in the past.

Victim-blaming is ridiculous.

Repeated sexual victimisation is a very real issue.

I don't have time to read through this for you right now, but this is a paper recognising that it seems to be a pattern. I know you might feel like the exception here, but that's sadly not the case at all. It's not a very comforting thing to say, but you're not alone.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1822699

and

"• One of the best predictors of future victimization is past victimization.4

o Research indicates that 4% of victims suffer about 44% of the offenses.5

o Compared to women who have not been assaulted, the odds of experiencing a
new assault over a 2-year period were doubled for women with one assault, quadrupled for women with two assaults, and elevated ten-fold for women with three or more prior victimizations.6

o Women who experienced sexual abuse as a child are 2 to 3 times more likely to be sexually assaulted later in life.7

o 43% of domestic violence incidents occurring over a 25-month period involved only about 7% of 1,450 households.8

o Child sexual abuse victims have been found to be 3-5 times more likely to experience subsequent adult victimization than respondents who had not experienced any type of child abuse.9"

from: http://www.victimsofcrime.org/docs/Parallel%20Juctice/PJ-REPEAT%20VICTIMIZATION.pdf

and another: https://www3.aifs.gov.au/acssa/pubs/issue/i16/05.html

This is one of those things I wish was better understood and acknowledged. Without getting into details, it's something I struggled to reconcile personally, because if I'm the common factor, it has to be something about me, right? There's no other possible explanation, right? That isn't putting the blame where it should be though. It's not healthy, and it's not being kind to yourself.

Someone once asked me: if I heard my story from another person, would I tell them that it was their fault?
I immediately said no. Just outright, didn't question it for a second. Just no. I would never blame the victim.
So why can't I feel that way about myself?

I hope you have good support, or it's at least available to you if you feel you need it.
Try to be kind to yourself and don't listen to ignorant dickheads.

I'm sorry anon. It's not you. I'm sorry you experience this and are experiencing victim blaming but it is NOT you and there's nothing wrong with you from this and all fault lies with your abusers and the people blaming you.

Nobody deserves abuse, sexual or otherwise.

:(

It's easy for your brain to trick you into thinking you "deserved" bad things happening to you, even if logically you know it wasn't the case, especially when other people reinforce that. As hard it might be, try reminding yourself when you start thinking about it, nobody deserves abuse and it's ultimately the abuser's fault. Like belladonna said, you wouldn't say the things you think to yourself to someone else, so maybe try reframing your thoughts that way.

Be nice to yourself too. Like treat yourself to a nice dinner or rewatch your favorite movie. Walks can help as well.

Stay strong, anon, I know it's hard.

[ SECRET POST #3177 ]

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