fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3181 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3181 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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09. [WARNING for rape]

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My brother lives downstairs in sort of an in-law apartment. He pays no rent or utilities. He also comes upstairs into the main house whenever he pleases. I had a question to ask him today so I went downstairs and knocked on the door tothe apartment. No answer. I knocked again, harder. No answer. I open the door and yell his name several times, no answer. I go over to his bedroom to see if he's even home. I knock on his door. He opens it, gets mad, and starts yelling at me.

It's basically "Respect my space! No answer doesn't mean COME IN!" I say I knocked and he says "Well I couldn't hear you!" I'm mad because he comes into our space constantly, but the apartment which he pays no money for is his uber speshul place, so speshul that I can't even step foot in the sacred living room. I knocked on his bedroom door too. That is exact same amount of space I receive and I don't get all pissy when he comes upstairs and knocks on it.

Am I being too harsh or just too invasive? I knocked, it's not like I just kicked down the door and broke in.

How old is he, if you don't mind my asking? Because young men (early to mid-twenties) really do tend to have that sort of disconnect between needing their own privacy and not realizing that other people care about theirs too. And I'd hesitate to say he's taking his free room and board for granted, because rationally he probably doesn't, but when it's the only space he does think of as "his", he's probably overly protective of it. (Honestly, he might have been thinking "what if she'd walked in on me fapping" or something along those lines, too, which would explain the anger.)

23.

If he knocked on my unlocked door, I didn't respond after several minutes, and he opened it, I would see that as my fault and not his.

Well, that's you. Clearly he has a different perspective.

Do you mind if I ask if you're living in the house rent-free too? If so, then as annoying as he's being, unfortunately you don't really have much right to be pissed off at how he uses/protects his space-- that'd be the place of the owners, really. So, as long as they don't mind him being prickly about his privacy, then he has a right to it.

nayrt - A different perspective for you-- if someone knocks on my door and there's no answer, I expect them to go away, not to enter. If I'm not there, then I don't want them poking around my room. If I'm there and clearly have not responded to their knock, that's a very obvious indication that I don't want to talk.

I should add, unless you WANT to accidentally walk in on your brother masturbating sometime, always knock and if there's no answer, DO NOT GO IN.

If you are in charge of the upstairs, change the locks and require that he knock to be allowed entry.

There are no locks. It's just an open space.

Locks can be added.

There are no doors.

Have you considered hiring a gatekeeper?

Have you never heard of an open-plan house?

he was probably masturbating and you're thinking too much into it

I'm actually with your brother on this one. The "main" house has several people of more than one generation living in it. That makes it a communal family space. As he is part of the family, I would think he should be welcome in all of the communal family places. However, the bottom part is solely his space. You even call it his apartment. As such, I would expect that he would be the only one to enter without knocking and being told to come in. Yeah, it is a bit of a double standard, as he has more space that is "his", but I think it is a reasonable expectation on his part.

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