fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3182 ]

[ SECRET POST #3182 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3182 ⌋

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Didn't want to hijack the confession thread, so I figured this would be a good place. Skip questions as you'd like.

1)How would you describe your sexuality? Use examples and feelings more than labels.
2) Have you been/are you in a relationship? If so, how'd that go?
3) How do you feel about the online community and asexual activism? Do you think it's necessary? Should asexuals be on the same level as LBGT stuff?
4) Do you identify as asexual? If so are you open about it?
5) Are you worried that you're not really asexual and think it might be self-esteem issues, medication, or depression instead?

If you want to talk about anything else, just change the subject title for it.

Do you guys think about anything in particular when you masturbate? How often, if at all, do you masturbate?

I don't think of anything when I do, but I masturbate kinda often.

I think about hot memories from porn/fic/rp/previous sexual encounters.

How often really depends on how stressed I am or what kind of mood I'm in or what my physical health is like. Anywhere from twice a day to twice a month, regularly. When I was quite sick I'd go 6 months without even getting an urge.

1. Weird. Sexually attracted to cis men and women and gq/trans people, but in a very cyclical fashion where sometimes I'll predominately be attracted to one specific type of person.
2. Currently in a long term open relationship. I like to think it's going well, but it has ups and downs.
3. Ignore it as much as possible as it is never an accurate representation of me or my life.
4. Ehhhh... yes and no. I haven't decided. I like sex as an experience in intimacy but I'm anorgasmic with partners and always have been. I don't know if it has anything to do with asexuality.
5. Not worried in the slightest. I still have sexual desires and motivation, and I know it's not due to medication.

1) Straight with no interest in sex (too much trouble)
2) No. Just from seeing the relationships my family has gone thru, it isn't worth it. I get enough social interactions from friends and family.
3) I don't care about it. Necessary for confused people. No asexuals are no where near the same level as gay, lesbian, and trans people.
4) Not really. Eh, the family that matters knows I'll never get married or be in a relationship.
5) It isn't meds (I am on none). Could be sort of depression but *shrug*. It is mostly that I don't think the negatives that come from sex outweigh the ease of masturbation.

1) Uninterested in engaging in sex with other people but open to relationships with anyone
2) Yes. It depends on the person. Some people start out swearing they're okay with it then complaining about the lack of sex. Some people are okay for real
3) I wouldn't know, I'm not part of it but bi or homo romantic asexuals are def part of LBG
4) I am asexual but I don't use it as a label. Open if asked
5) No

1) I think girls are way cuter than guys, but I can't really see myself ever being in a relationship. i'd like to cuddle but i don't think i could do much more than that.
2) never
3) I'm embarrassed by it and want to avoid all association. awareness is good, but i don't think asexual discrimination is really much of a thing, so it annoys me when it's put on the same level as lqbt stuff.
4) i told my friends in high school, but i don't feel close to the label anymore so i'm kinda regretting it
5) yeah, i'm pretty depressed and have always had self esteem issues, so i'd like to get to a better mental place before i start identifying as anything

1) dead--I used to feel love and desire as a teenager but it dwindled away as I aged.
2) yest but I was young, never got past second base, it lasted way too long and the break-up mas messy.
3) I don't care about it.
4) nope, just confused.
5) yep, all that plus gender and species confusion (I'm not otherkin either, "just" autistic and wondering if that makes me a monster instead of a human.)

I used to identify as asexual while I was figuring stuff out, so obviously I'm going to be a bit biased...

this is a tough question. like, on the one hand, i do think there does need to be an asexual community. i absolutely think asexuality is an orientation that exists (although it's probably not very common). and there are some unique stuff that this group has to deal with that other groups don't.

but i have also witnessed some... i guess, overstepping of bounds? especially on tumblr. like trying to make issues equivalent, trying to play "who's most oppressed." nobody is going to win that game.

there's also this weird obsession with labelling to the point where it becomes fractal. labels upon labels upon labels. EVERYTHING MUST BE LABELLED.

i also spent some time on AVEN, and i felt very pressured to identify as asexual straight away. a lot of posters were really focused on how "pure" they were as asexuals. and there was a stereotype of non-asexual people as being obsessed with sex all the time. TL;DR i really hated the culture and community at AVEN (and on tumblr) and left that place. but idk if it's changed any in the meantime.

long story short, i think there are some people who ID as asexual now who, like me, are just needing to figure things out. could be self-esteem issues, could be depression, could be avoidance/fear of relationships, could be medication. for me, it was a combo of all of the above, plus probably being not-straight.

honestly, i think there is a large overlap with a contingent of people who are on the autistic spectrum or just socially awkward and spend a lot of time on the internet. it creates an echo chamber effect.

Interested in having sex but never met anyone I was interested in having sex with. Not interested in meaningless sex. So mostly when I'm in the mood I watch porn (m/m and f/m, veeeeerrry rarely f/f) and masturbate, usually imagining my ships filling the roles of what I'm watching.

1) Straight cis female. I am attracted to men, typically cis men at that.

2) Nope, never.

3) I feel it is something I have very little association with, but I do not have a problem with people wishing to be recognised, as long as they don't go harrassing and bullying others.

4) Nope. At best I would call myself voluntarily abstinent due to not being willing to engage in a relationship. I'm not aromantic either, for all I love the idea of romance, I just don't want to tackle the troubles a relationship can face.

5) I know I'm not. I do have a mix of self-esteem issues, trust issues, bad examples in my past of relationships and a huge sense of independence, and that is not even going into the area of my mild Aspergers and depression.

1. I like men. I haven't had sex yet-not for any specific reasons, not planning to save myself until marriage or anything, I just haven't yet-but I want to eventually. I'm personally not one for one-night stands or dating a bunch of men, though. More power to those who are into that, of course, but it'd just feel too complicated for me. I like the idea of being with one person long-term.

2. I've only been in one relationship thus far, back when I was fifteen years old. It was nice. Low-key, he was a sweet guy, all that good stuff. We ended things when I moved, but I've run into him since moving back home and while we haven't gotten back together, we're still friendly. I have fond memories of that relationship :).

3. *Shrugs* I'm fine with it. It's their sexuality, they should define it in whatever way they think is best/they feel most comfortable with. I don't think it's really my place to tell other people how they should identify themselves, since I'm not the one having those feelings and thoughts.

As for whether it should be tied into LGBT stuff-I could see where people think it should be included, since it still doesn't seem very widely understood yet. Perhaps by including asexuality into the LGBT community somehow, that can help open the door for more opportunity for education and understanding about the topic? I dunno.

4. No, I don't.

5. N/A

1) Attraction to many people in the abstract, very few in the nitty-gritty. I think Joseph Gordon-Levitt (or whoever) is a fine fucking specimen of a man; if I had to be close enough to smell his sweat I don't think I'd like it. More comfortable with ladies or NB people in that way than men; not comfortable with many people. ID as a lesbian or queer person.

2) In a relationship. It's great; I sometimes feel badly my sex drive is much lower (or at least often lower) than my partner's.

3) I know het folks who have sex and are het and insist they're NOT STRAIGHT where it's safe (i.e. tumblr), but probably wouldn't if they were, say, up in the podunk towns or judgmental households I've spent a lot of my life in. That's exhausting. Ace awareness is great; treating LACK OF ace awareness as institutionalized often violent oppression on the level faced by gay and particularly trans folks is stupid. Sorry.

4) I do, but really only to myself. I don't much like sex. Or, I do, but. Not always? Not often. Idk.

5) Yeah. But. It's been around awhile. The massive lack of sex drive, I mean. With nothing to compare it to but how other people describe themselves? I guess I'm ace? Idk. I think people over-idenify to be honest.

1) I think people are hot sometimes, and that it'd be cool to have sex with those people. It isn't really related to the people's gender identities.
2) I'm in a relationship, it's going well. My partner is demisexual and less interested in sex than I am, but it works out alright anyway.
3) IDK how I feel about online ace communities bc I'm not in them but I do think asexual activism is important. Compulsory sexuality is a thing and it's bad. I don't know if asexual people experience the same level of discrimination as other queer people, but yes they belong in the queer community.
4) I don't identify as asexual.
5) No, because I'm not asexual.

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[ SECRET POST #3182 ]

Asexuality talk

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